what gets longer when pulled, fits between your tits, inserts nicely in a hole and works best when jerked? a seatbelt you pervert!
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i have a little angel flying around with a hammer,each person he hits gets a little bit of my love. i hope he beats the fuckin shit out of you
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friends are like balloons once you let them go you cant get them back. so im gonna tie you to my heart so i dont lose you
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cop on horse says to little girl on bike, did santa get you that? yep replies the little girl. well tell him to put a reflector on it next year and fined her £5. the little girl looked up at the cop and said nice horse u got there did santa bring you that? the cop chuckles and replies, he sure did. well said the little girl,next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse not on top of it.
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an owner offered 100 dollars to anyone who could make his horse laugh. only one man was up for the challenge and he took the horse into a rom and when he brought the horse out it was laughing so hard it pissed on the flor. the owner said hed give another 100 dollars if the man could make the horse cry. the man took the horse into the same room and when he brought it out the horse was crying a river. how did you do that? asked the owner. well the man replied to make him laugh i told him my dick was bigger than his and to make him cry i showed him
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man accidentaly elbows a woman in the breast at a hotel reception. man apologises saying if your heart is as soft as your bosom i trust you'll forgive me. she says of course and by the way if your cock is as hard as your elbow im in room 224!
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octopus walks into a bar and says i bet i can play any musical instrument. bloke gives him a guitar which he plays better than jimi hendrix.2nd bloke says bet you cant play the piano. the octopus plays it better than elton john. jock gives him a set of bagpipes,the octopus fumbles for a minute and looks confused. jock says ha can ye nae play it? octopus says play it? i'm going to shag it as soon as i get its fucking pyjamas off
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3 generations of a family are prostitutes! the daughter says i just got 40 quid for giving a blow job the mother says i only ever got 5 quid for doin that and the grandmother says well in my day we were just thankful for the warm drink!
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just met your double. i swear. i thought it was you i even shouted your name but it just carried on scratching its arse and eating its banana
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