Firehousejohn's blog: "Waking up"

For most of my professional career I've represented kids in child abuse and neglect cases.  From time to time, the judges will appoint me to represent the best interests of the kids in custody disputes.  The abuse and neglect cases often leave me heartbroken, but the custody cases usually leave me angry and frustrated.  So, here's a little message for divorcing parents.  I've gone through a divorce.  Our kids were all grown at the time and I was blessed to have a reasonable and deeply spiritual woman as a spouse.  The two of us remain good friends.  In fact, she's still my administrative assistant.  Yes, I was a lucky guy, but I understand how painful a divorce is.  

Here's the deal.  I can't tell you how many parents I've dealt with who are stubbornly unwilling to let go of their own resentments.  In cases like these, the parents allow their own bittnerness and their own need for self affirmation to result in a scorched earth, no survivors, winner take all dogfight.  If you're one of these people, grow up, stop your nonsense, find a  therapist (there are good ones), and keep you kids blissfully unaware of your own character defects.  You might be surprised that focusing on the needs of your kids might just bring peace of mind to you.