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Danger Mouse's blog: "Moments"

created on 01/09/2009  |  http://fubar.com/moments/b270695
I was originally going to write a blog involving angst and repulsion. Negativity Instead, I want to write one about inspiration. Positivity. There is too much that is negative in our lives. Some of it we bring upon ourselves. Some of it just seems to happen. But we can’t escape it. Some days it is all you can see and you have to fight for those little glimpses of light that peek through the cracks of this abominable wall that stands before us. Some people can become that light. They can break through that wall and for one moment no matter how long or how brief there is a ray of hope and joy that shines through. There is an essence of humanity. I’m not talking about myself. I am speaking on the behalf of many people that I have never met, never talked to, and I only know of their existence through words of others, assorted news stories and my own assumptions. Their world has come crashing down on them. Their souls have somehow lost their way. Their lives I cannot fathom. Their daily angst would crush me in a heartbeat. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be them. I don’t know them. I do know of one of those rays of light though. She spends her free time talking to people she otherwise has no connection with in her life. She goes out of her way to bring them help and if not help, than hope. Sometimes, hope is even better. Beyond all that, she brings them a touch of humanity. To be in her presence is a joy on a normal day under normal circumstances. To be shut away though, your life nearing a predetermined expiration date, to then be blessed with her aura, she becomes a Godsend. For some, she will be one of their last thoughts ever. One of their last moments of joy. I doubt she even is aware of how much impact she has with what he does. She doesn’t do it for elation, for self-gratification, or for recognition. She does it because she is compelled by the measure of good that she can bring in her doing so. By doing something right for someone who has had so much wrong. I am inspired by her. I want to make a difference somehow. Not just to live my life safe, locked away in my gated courtyard, the perils of the world shunned outside my walls. I want to embrace some of the ugliness that fills other people’s lives. I don’t want to do it because it will make me feel good or important. I want to do it because it is a good thing to do. And it can make a difference. Thank you, P_I. I love you.
I remember telling dad I was hanging out at Amy's. It was kinda true. She had gotten us tickets to the Electric Factory in Philadelphia to see the Butthole Surfers. She had a Camaro and there were five of us stuffed in it driving into Pennsylvania. They were playing a lot of older stuff but also a ton from Electric Larryland. It was a great show and at one point, the guitarist looks down at all of us dancing and waves us up. We look over at the bouncer guy there and he moves the gate thing and we get up on stage. I love Amy, but she always dressed like a whore...lol. She was there with the singer dancing around, I was over by the guitarist. So they start playing 'Pepper'. And I'm like "Hell yeah!" So he puts his guitar around me and is all playing it while I'm there with my arms raised up. I can feel he is all pressed up against me...lol..what the Hell did I care? After three songs or so we got back down on the floor. With all the smoke and lights and stuff, you sweat a ton up on stage. We all drove home that night, we stunk from cigarettes (and other things)... but it was a great night.
He was the cutest boy. omg. His smile killed me every time. His teeth always clean, his breath fresh, his eyes bright. He wasn't all prep, but he didn't wear crappy ill-fitting clothes. He looked good, plain and simple. We always hung out after school, I was in no hurry to get home and he was always working on something. We were in Drama together. We were doing The Pajama Game that year, he was Sid...I was Gladys. I once did a post-rehearsal version of "Steam Heat" that was talked about until way after my graduation (heehee) It was my sophomore year, he was a junior and we stayed after everyone else had left. We sat, we talked, joked, I would listen to anything he had to say. This one time, I was standing over by the curtains and we were both in a funny mood. He laughed a most beautiful laugh...I don't remember what I had said, but it wasn't intentional so I slunk back into the fold of the curtain. He took the edges of it and closed it around me. Then he'd open it to his smile. The closed again. I don't think he realized he was brushing my breasts each time he did it. I was out of my tree. Then he did it. He opened the folds of the curtain but he was much closer. He smiled...all my nervousness was gone. He leaned in. I swallowed. His soft lips rested on mine...still...waiting... as I melted to him. Then he pressed them. So soft on me, his body just brushing mine. No pressure, nothing forced, there was no feeling other than that kiss. The soft sound of his breathing. I'm sure I whimpered. Oh, that kiss. His patience. How he let it lay there..to pick to back up again. I have replayed that moment in my mind countless times over the years. I will one day forget my own name. But I will never forget that kiss.
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