Intuitive Pragmatist's blog: "Mistakes Women Make With Men"

A MISTAKE ALMOST ALL WOMEN MAKE WITH MEN... AND
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...

   There's one mistake that almost all women
make with men they're interested in.

   This particular mistake is the source of so
many different problems women have in their
lives and relationships, that dealing with it
should be a healthcare benefit or something.

   Ok, maybe that's a little extreme, but you
get the point.

   And by the way, men make a similar mistake,
but it shows up in different ways.

   The mistake is allowing yourself to become
OVERLY EMOTIONAL around the person you're dating
in a negative and self-destructive way.

   So then what happens?

   The short-lived emotional outbreak that was
only a big deal to you at the time, finds a way
to screw up the great situation that you have
going.

   What's going on here with how men react?

   Why do some men make such a big deal out of
having strong feelings, caring so much and wanting
to talk and share?

   The truth is, doing these things is showing
the man that you're EMOTIONALLY OUT OF CONTROL.

   And nothing says "RUN" to a guy more clearly
early on than these intense negative emotional
"episodes" and an out of control partner.

   Let me remind you of something important...

   When most women start dating a great guy, they
have a whole slew of POSITIVE FEELINGS, IDEAS and
BELIEFS about where things are going and how they
might work out.

   These are common, satisfying and exciting
thoughts.

   And often times, it's the power of these positive
feelings that are the catalyst in helping women
look past the FEARS and NEGATIVE FEELINGS from past
situations and move into something new. 

   In other words, these POSITIVE FEELINGS and
BELIEFS become the driving forces to "try it again".

   In this situation, lots of women tell themselves
in the back of their minds:

   "I'm smarter now."

   "This time it's different."

   "I'm over that bad period of my life where I
let jerks and immature 'boys' mess up my life."

   "This guy wouldn't hurt me the way that other
jerk did."  

   But the reality is that lots of women who
tell themselves this aren't actually "different"
or "smarter" at all.

   The only thing that's changed is the scenery.

   Instead, they still carry the FEARS and
NEGATIVE BELIEFS that hold them back from creating
new situations and experiences in their lives.

   But then it happens...

   In the new situation, with the new guy, things
suddenly stop being so easy, so new and so "perfect".

   And eventually something seems "off" or goes
wrong here too with the new guy, even if it's
something small.

   And "WHAM!"

   All the old fears and negative beliefs come
rushing back out of nowhere.

   That familiar sick feeling in the stomach is
back.

   The guy problems they thought they had left
behind followed them here too.

   So they FREAK OUT.

   They become anxious and those voices start
playing in their head again.

   "There must be something wrong with me."

   "There are no good men... they're all selfish
jerks and I'll never find one who gets me and can
really love me for who I am."

   "I'll never find true love, so I should just
give up and stop putting myself through so much
pain."

   I bet you've got a few of your own here to add
to the list from that negative voice in your head.

   We all do.

   And you know what?

   All of these are utter and total CRAP.

   Here's what I've learned about these voices...

   When these negative voices start getting louder,
most women leave behind the confidence, "positivity"
and optimism they had with a man that helped create
the great situation in the first place.

   And they literally become DRIVEN by fear.

   All the goodwill disappears and is replaced by
defensiveness and negative sensitivity.

   This is what it's like having ZERO control of
your emotions.

   And guess what?

   This is 100% "GRADE A" MAN REPELLENT.

   Men do not want to get involved or committed to
women who act emotionally dependent from the start
and "lose it" at the first sign of difficulty.

   When most women see the first signs of trouble
or that a man is acting "non-committal" after
becoming close and "invested" in the situation,
they FREAK OUT inside.

   When a man doesn't call back or starts to
withdraw, they get upset and afraid and act in fear.

   When a man doesn't share the same feelings at
the same time in the same way, they become nervous
and unsure in everything they do with a man.

   The point I'm making here is that if you allow
yourself to become TOO emotional and fearful in
situations with men, and dependent on their behavior
for your emotional state, it will screw you up.

   Guaranteed.

   And even worse than letting your emotions
control you and your behavior is trying to TALK men
through all of the emotions and fears.

   This is a nail in the coffin.

   Think about it for a second...

   Most men don't even talk through their feelings
or fears with their BEST FRIENDS.

   Men prefer to confront, challenge, ignore or
break through fear in some kind of masculine way.

   Anything but observe or share fear. It's not
part of their make-up.

   I know it doesn't make sense, but it's the truth.

   Get where I'm going with this?

   But hold on a second...

   Emotions are GOOD, right?

   Shouldn't we listen to them and respect what
they're telling us?

   Doesn't a man need to be there for his woman if
she's going through something?

   Aren't emotions the thing that allow us to
really EXPERIENCE life in a deep, rich and
meaningful way?

   And isn't it wrong and harmful to try and
"control how you feel?"

   Isn't it better to just "be who you are" and
not beat yourself up because you feel or think
about things in a certain way?

   And wouldn't ignoring or avoiding your feelings
turn you into someone you're not?

   Have you ever heard a woman (or a man) say "I
can't help the way I feel"...?

   We all have.

   We even have TERMS that we use to describe when
we're overly upset and just need to "get it out".

   We call it "venting" or "dumping".

   I call it the "drama vomit". lol

   So here's the question I'm getting at...

   Is it "OK" it to be upset, to get emotional,
and to show EXACTLY how you feel inside with men?


YOU CREATE WHAT YOU SHARE

   To make things simple, let's put emotions into
two categories...

   There are those that you could consider "positive"
emotions or those based in "joy".

   And then there are "negative" emotions. or those
based in "fear".

   In other words, there are the emotions that
make you "feel good" and emotions that make you
"feel bad".

   We all know that emotions aren't "self-contained".

   Isn't it frustrating when you feel angry or down
and you just want a man to hear you and listen to
you - but then they get all wrapped up and intense
just because you wanted to share?

   Well, if you've ever had this happen to you and
you got frustrated or angry about it, then you've
got something important to learn.

   Emotions are CONTAGIOUS.

   In other words, when you feel an emotion, you
can very easily pass what you're feeling on to the
person you're sharing it with.

   And the stronger you feel the emotion, the more
it will "over-ride" the other person and get them
on your emotional level.

   Even if their level is CONSTRUCTIVE and POSITIVE
and yours is DESTRUCTIVE and NEGATIVE.

   And when an emotion starts to become too strong,
it literally TAKES OVER your mind and body.

   Then you're driven with your body language and
your words to share that feeling.

   In some situations, this can be a very powerful
POSITIVE thing for a person.

   Imagine your favorite actor or singer giving
a world-class performance... you can literally
FEEL the emotions they're feeling.

   Or how about when a man surprises you with a
romantic night with candle-light and he's open,
connected and sharing himself with you.

   It can be an amazing experience when they allow
their emotions to take over. And you get to go
there with them.

   But it can also be a very powerful NEGATIVE
thing as well.

   Have you ever been spending time with a guy
and he became LESS CONNECTED to you as you were
becoming MORE CONNECTED to him.

   It probably made you so nervous, anxious and
out of control that you made yourself sick.

   When an emotion becomes so strong that it
actually "becomes you", your behavior and your
sole motivation... then you're out of control.

   Emotions can actually trick you into trying to
CONTROL others, just to get back to where you feel
comfortable.

   And instead of simply communicating what it is
that you're going through and what you want, you
actually try and make the other person FEEL the
bad things that YOU FEEL.

   Ouch.

   And sure, the short-term payoff for this is
usually some sense of immediate relief or resolution.

   You get your feelings off your chest and get
to release them, which can feel great at the time.

   But the long-term effects aren't so sunny.