Intuitive Pragmatist's blog: "Mistakes Women Make With Men"

   So let me ask you...

   What if your quality of life and your
relationships could be BETTER than the negative
emotions and fears that hi-jack your mind?

   What if you made a man feel a deep sense of LOVE
instead of sharing the contagious NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
that come from your fears?

   And what if you broke out of those same old
patterns that keep happening again and again?


  
FEAR AND THE UNCONSCIOUS POWER OF EMOTIONS

   Strong emotions create strong MEMORIES.

   We tend to remember things better if we were
feeling a strong emotion at the time.

   Especially if the memory came during or after
an intense emotion.

   I can remember so many situations in my life
where I was too nervous and afraid to share myself
completely with a woman or to "be myself".

   So I kept one foot out the door and I'd never
say much about what I really wanted and needed in
a relationship.

   It was my secret excuse and my way of staying
unhappy so that I didn't have to fully commit to
creating a great life with the woman and take any
responsibility for my own experience or the woman's.

   I can remember situations TEN YEARS AGO vividly
where I was so nervous and uncomfortable when
relationships became serious that the emotion burned
the image into my mind.

   When this kind of thing happens a lot (like it
has with me), it starts to make a "feedback loop".

   In other words, most of the strong memories I
had about relationships with women were situations
where I SCREWED UP and made myself feel unhappy,
unheard and uncomfortable... so I had less and less
comfort and confidence as the years went by that I
could never feel happy in a long-term relationship.

   Give me a nod here if you know what I'm talking
about.



THE "EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION" THAT WILL MAKE A MAN
ADDICTED TO BEING CLOSE TO YOU

   I'm sure you've already figured out that I'm
going to suggest that you learn how to "own"
your emotions in situations with men.

   Let me talk for a moment about the reasons WHY
it's important to do this.

   Remember, when it comes to ATTRACTION, all of
the "logic" changes.

   You have to stop thinking about what you've
learned about being "in touch" with ALL of your
emotions and realize that a man's ATTRACTION isn't
triggered by you being EVERYTHING that you feel.

   That's a nice fairy tale, but it's a lie.

   Your friends, your parents and your
girlfriends might give you "unconditional love"
and understanding in this way, but men won't
start to feel love, passion and connection with
you if you're playing out ALL the things you feel
with him.

   So I have TWO good reasons why you need to
learn how to own your emotions around men:

1) If your emotions "own you" early on, you probably
won't even be able to talk to him or date in a fun
and spontaneous way that men crave. You'll just be
too FREAKED OUT to even get to the good stuff with
him - and God forbid, help him see his way through
all his potential hang-ups.

(Not that you want to...lol)

2) Men aren't ATTRACTED to women who let their
emotions control them all the time and drive
their interactions. This is ESPECIALLY true when
women act needy or overly-sensitive to anything
the guy does or says. Overly needy women will never
figure out how to get to that fun, playful, risky,
passionate state with a man that brings him close
and spells "long-term girlfriend material" in his
mind.

   We talked about the first reason already.

   Let's talk about the second one.

   Why don't men like women who are overly-emotional?

   Because men NEVER feel ATTRACTION for women
that they can CONTROL.

   The more control a man has over you, the less
ATTRACTION he feels for you.

   The less of a CHALLENGE you are, and the more
PREDICTABLE you become, the less ATTRACTION he
feels. It's very simple.

   To put it another way; if you're the type of
woman who lets her emotions TAKE OVER, then you need
to learn how to "own" them.

   If you don't, you're going to have a VERY hard
time succeeding with men after a date or two.

THE FIRST STEP...

   I think that the first step in learning how to
own your STRONG emotions is to realize how they're
created or "triggered".

   Most strong emotions are TRIGGERED.

   Something happens that "pushes a button" inside
of you and BAM!... the emotion happens before you
even have a chance to think about it.

   But the fact is that these "triggers" have a
structure to them.

   There are all kinds of little things that
happen during that "trigger".

   One of the biggest insights that I've had about
these "triggers" is that they're usually caused by
making something that happens MEAN something
negative.

   In other words, it's not the actual situation
itself that "pulls the trigger" or "pushes the
button"... it's what you think it MEANS.

   For instance, let's say that you've met a
great guy, went on a few amazing dates, and then
he wasn't as quick to call you and make plans as
he was at the very start.

   You wait a day or two, and he doesn't even
call.

   What do you usually think?

   "Maybe he doesn't like me. Maybe he has a
another woman. Maybe he's trying to avoid me.
Maybe he's withdrawing like those other guys
did in the past."

   In other words, we make the fact that he
didn't call back MEAN all these different things.

   Another HUGE insight I've had in this area is
that women allow their imaginations to take over
and imagine the WORST possible outcomes.

   Then they get nervous about that outcome
happening and FREAK OUT.

   The point is that most of us (men and women)
use our minds to imagine the WORST possible
outcomes for dating and relationship situations...
and it pushes all the wrong buttons, and gets us
all nervous and upset... which, of course, makes
us screw everything up.

   When it comes to men, it's important that you
lose the need to make everything MEAN something...
and STOP imagining the worst.

   Think about those situations when a man
doesn't call you back... or plays hard to get.

   Yeah, thinking that someone is playing games
sucks, but the belief that there's a "game" going
on is exactly the kind of negative meaning I'm
talking about.

   If you immediately start to wonder where he
is... what he's doing... and who he's with, you
create the game in your mind.

   Then you make up pictures in your mind of him
out with other women, doing fun things without
you, etc. and it's really upsetting.

   Bad idea.

   This is the kind of thing that makes us do
all KINDS of stupid things that scare the other
person away... like calling 100 times a day,
asking where he was and what he was doing, etc.

   Instead, start doing yourself a favor and:

1) Visualize your ideal outcome.

2) Make POSITIVE meaning out of the experience for
yourself.

   If he doesn't call you back right away, imagine
that he is freaked out with his own life and
schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let
him go), and make it mean that when he finally
DOES talk to you, he's going to be even MORE
interested because it took you so long to catch
up with each other.

   If he tells you he's not ready for a
relationship right now because of his past,
realize that he's first of all feeling that way
because he REALLY likes you and has had to think
about being in a relationship because his feelings
are so strong.

   He's scared of his deep feelings for you and
doesn't know how to deal with that yet.

   And that once he figures it out for himself,
he'll miss you and want you... and you don't have
to be there waiting around for him to grow up.

   There's nothing wrong with you or how you are.

   And it's great that you got to see this problem
of his early on, and that it's his to deal with.

   Does this stuff sound strange?

   Well, I'll tell you something...

   All of the women I know who end up in great
long-term relationships, with great attractive men
think this way.

   This is their mindset.

   Have you ever noticed that confident people seem
to get more confident.

   That optimistic people tend to get more
optimistic.

   That people who believe in luck seem to get
more and more lucky.

   And that people who are negative seem to become
more and more negative.

   It's almost like a universal magic. The more we
expect things to go well, the better they go. Try
it, it works.

   Also, start noticing those particular things
and situations that trigger your strong "negative"
emotions.

   Learn to spot the signs that it's about to
happen, and then learn how to keep yourself
centered.

   If you can learn how to do this, the quality
of ALL your relationships in your life will
improve DRAMATICALLY.

   Especially with men.