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So yea christmas is here and if you don't know i am in a relationship that is by far the worse situation ever in a weird way. Who would of thought that i would find myself in this situation dating someone who doesn't have any rights no more until he comes home is a hard thing to be understanding of. I mean i see all my friends who are back home for the holidays and they bring their bf's or Gf's with them and at the end of the night it is hard because i know that i want to remember how it is to get that little kiss or to get that arm around my shoulder feel. And truth be told i can't have that right now. I mean it just sucks and the only thing i want for christmas is my boyfriend. Thats it!!! And i cna't have that. We have been going strong and it has been awesome and i haven't even thought of psyhically cheating. May make me sound like a whore but i am only human. It sounds really bad but i wish i just had a connection with someone that there is nothing psyhical it is all mental. I guess that is what i am trying to say. I dunno this is so messed up i never thought i would feel like this. It is just plain weird. I mean i only have 6 more months to go. But at the same time it is gonna be a long six months the holidays aren't even here yet and they are so hard already. I mean i just don't know i know it is well worth the wait but you never really realize how much you miss about someone when they aren't here but you still have them. I mean I feel weird buying christmas present for his family and my family and not buying presents for him. Isn't that one of the joys of the holidays is to give to others. and it is always fun to buy for your boyfriend. Well try having one and not buying for him. It is a bitch. I feel weird about it. I mean christmas spent with his family and not him. I was wrapping christmas present with his mother last night and i walked into his room not thinking i would think twice about it i just wanted more present to wrap and as soon as i seen that bed and the pictures on the wall of me and him i just lost it.I didn't know what i wanted to do i wanted to cry and smile at the same time i had to get out of that room. It hit way to close to home for me. I can remember the day of decorating the room and then spending the nights in that room afterwards and it felt so good just gave you that feeling of comfort. There are so many memories in the photos on his wall and christmas is our time of year. This is our season with the snow flying and yea for once i can't celebrate none of it with him. This is such a messed up situation. GRR... who knows christmas used to be my favorite holiday but not no more at least this year it isn't... I miss you baby!!
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