Miss Boo's blog: "Miss Boo's Hell"

Hello! Sorry its been awhile since I wrot on here..But right now I just think it will help me out to just vent out all my frustration and anger..cause Im not a happy camper right now... Anyways..I feel horrible about doing this..but I needed to know exactly what is going on between my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend.. So I looked through his shit. I know I shouldnt believe the things she is saying or even let it get to me..but what I read almost made my vomit and I also felt like something deep within my heart was breaking..I felt like everything just died and I had this emptiness within my heart. Anyways..This is what she said.... "Barry, Well I just got home from work im cold but that's alright. I think im just going to watch a movie so I cant see you. I don't understand why you cant just come see me for a few hours it makes me feel bad at the end of the day that I have to continue to be hidden. I don't know I just really want to be able to spend a few hours with you the intimate encounters we have in the morning are not entirely enough to sedate my needs. All well im not going to really go into it I'll just get myself depressed and distraught and I really don't need that especially when I still feel slightly excited about this morning. Yes, you made me go into work and I was all tense I just really wanted to take you back home and satisfy both our needs. I suppose another day all this anticipation will just make future events better. Do you remember last week when you asked me why I got my tongue pierced? You said some little line about how you thought it was annoying that some people played with them to much…What do you think now? You seemed satisfied with it another it's a very useful pleasure tool I've heard but I wouldn't know I have never had what you had done to you. In your text when you said you need more of that well what exactly do you want more of? You have made me infinitely happy this morning. I hope that everything works out in both our worlds and maybe I wont have to be hidden behind your back all well the best things in life come to those who wait. When we do have a chance to be alone together for awhile I would like to just talk or if you don't want to talk I would be happy enough just to be back in your arms I feel safe there and when I see you in the mornings (these past few days) I have just felt so much better like all this pain and stress is just lifted from my body. Anyway im sure you don't want to read allot so im going to go take a shower and strip down to watch a movie by myself. I really hope you call me later I want that so bad right now. I just wish I could call you but I will respect your wishes and I will remain in the shadow zone. Someday maybe you wont have to hide me I see allot of things in your eyes but fear isn't always one of them. I love you and it really made me feel amazing inside when you tell me how much you love me. Before I leave I would like to ask you if you want me to wear that ring again? You made mention to it earlier and I would be happy to but do you want me to? Love you tons and talk to you later. -Your Hidden Mistress " Im sorry but after reading that..I really wanted to kill myself...I really had no idea how to feel. I want to hurt her so badly for doing all this shit to me.. What did I ever do to her to deserve this shit. I am sick of it. I try to play nice, but she just doesnt listen.. I so close to wanting to exploide that at times everything around me goes blurry What am I suppost to do.. How am I suppost to feel... Most of all who am I suppost to believe...

God...I wish that I was more attractive!! Like I really need to lose some weight so then I can look better in my clothes and especially fit better in them. *sigh*...God I hate my bodie sometimes..it just really puts me through so much shit sometimes..like I lose weight and then I just gain it all back..It really sucks ass!! Its also really hard for me to exercise or to even get on a diet cuse it would last for like a week then Id stop..I just really dont have the motivation to do it. Can somebodie please help me..Im sick of seeing my fugly body!!

I have been so tierd the past couple of days..and very very forgetful. It really sucks not being able to sleep when you want and when I do fall asleep I dont want to get up. I am always forgetting to take my anti-depressants and I have been feeling some what depressed lately. I just dont know what wrong with me, plus I have been stressed out alot too. I really am not that happy with my life right now, at times I wish that everything could just be perfect and that I could be perfect, but that will never happen, so I should just stop dreaming ya know. Other then that I talked to Barry the other day about the fact that he almost sleeps his entire day away and doesnt spend time with me. Its not that big of a deal that he sleeps cause I know that he waorks 3rd shift and he needs it, It just sucks cause there s times were I have to practically drag him out of bed to just hang out with me or to go somewhere with me. It just really sucks that I barely see him when he is home too :(. I guess it just sort of makes me feel lonely too. Well Im gonna get going and work on other stuff too.. lata

So where to start.... Hmmm..? How about here...Last Friday was one of the oddist days of my life in a sence, I ran into my ex-boi's girlfriend at that Mall and I said Hi even though I sort of don't like here but Im trying to get things to a somewhat better place even though she doesn't really deserve it, but anyways..that same night my old friend Mandy left me and IM asking if I wanted to hangout and try to rekindle out friendshit and get to know each other the way we are now. :)!@! That made me happy cause I really do miss her and I want us to be friends again cause she had always been apart of my life since I was like 4 years old. Its really hard to let go of something like that ya know, anyways..Today I was suppost to hangout with her but it sort of feel through, cause her phone was dead and she really wasn't feeling well and I ended up going to hang out with my very good friend Jen and I played Sims BustingOut for almost 6 hours..Im that addicted to it and then we played Mortal Kombat Deadly Alliance and i got pissed off Barry cause he was being a dick and then we all played Halo..That was fun!!