I was sitting at my favorite spot in the entire school, the window, our window, and I was listening to Chris go on about how he has the next 3 years in that school to have fun, fuck around and grow up. I realized I spent about two years of my life, sitting around that window, and its all gone. I'm mixed about it, because so many things have changed. My mornings had mainly consisted of going to the window with an ignorant idiot ( sorry, thats what you are.) and discussing life, or whatever else that went on. I wish I could have one more morning before I leave that school, but I sincerely doubt it will happen because the loser ( yes, thats you ) is being a fucking bitch. Im enraged by alot of things that have happened, but surprisingly, I wont miss that place. It was never a kind place. All I had to look forward to was my window, and Mercado's office, where I have spent a huge portion of my time this year, learning more in there than I have in any classroom over the last 4 years. There will be very few that I will miss when I move 1500 miles away, and abandon most of these people as " friends". Because, you know, they arent. I see now that I can count my true friends on one hand ( No, it doesnt include you either MR, not after what you are pulling right now.) Hell, i dont even know if these " true" friends are even going to stick around after I move. I dont care if they do, because then I wont have an excuse to come to this fucking dump called Camillus, and I am 100 % ok with that.
And the words " I love you " mean absolutely nothing unless you can SHOW it as well as SAY it. I can honestly say I have loved 2 guys, 100 % , unconditionally, and I still do. But one of them is 1200 miles away, and the other is being the biggest asshole I have ever met. And even though I love them, I am stronger than to fall into a trap. I am strong enough to move on ( see MR, I have, you havent) and I am excited to leave this place, start fresh, have no past, only a future. And by having no past, I mean I'm leaving it here in NY, only very few will be apart of my future, and I kind of wish I never cross paths with any of you again.
After living here for my entire life, and seeing nothing but pain, I think it's time to leave. 42 days left and counting.
