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Dave's blog: "Misc. Crap"

created on 09/15/2006  |  http://fubar.com/misc-crap/b2085

My Vacation

So I am back from my vacation and I have to say I had a blast. I got a late start due to rain but, except for the last day missed most of it. Anyway, last Wednesday I packed up my Harley, waited for a break in the rain and headed out. The roads were still wet so I had to take it easy and a good thing I did because I forgot to lock down my saddlebags (grumble) and lost one not too far from the house. Thankfully I was still doing my shakedown inspections and saw it come loose, turned around and got it with little damage to the bag. Quick stop and saddlebags were locked. Usually I leave at 8-9AM but it had rained all morning so I didn’t get started until about 4PM and then after the saddlebags, etc. it was really 5PM before I got going. I almost went back to start in the morning but it’s a good thing I didn’t because it rained the next two days up in Maryland. Anyhow, I headed out for Tennessee figuring to stop about half way down… well, have to stop every 120-200 miles anyways as my bike only has a 5 gallon tank and gets 40mpg, but hits reserve after about 130-140 miles so I like the 120 mile point to fill up and stretch my legs, get some water and maybe some food… but ended up driving all the way there… 2AM – 492 miles… I made good time. Find a hotel and get into the room, got lucky, ended up less than a mile from where I wanted to be! Oh yeah, I guess I forgot to tell ya why I was heading to Knoxville in the first place! Well, along with about 20,000 other people, we were heading there for the 24th Annual National “Down Home” HOG Rally. That’s HOG, not hog – Harley Owners Group. Giant party, good food, good people, great party! The Smoky Mountains are some of the best roads in all of the U.S. of A. for bike riding. Between the “Devil’s Triangle” and the “Tail of the Dragon” it doesn’t get much better if you love lots of curves through some of the most beautiful countryside in these lands. Add to that the Harley-Davidson Motor Company sponsored parties and events, Knoxville Harley-Davidson’s and Smoky Mountain Harley-Davidson’s events (World Record Burnout Set) and you have yourself one hell of a great time! So, enough about that, my Bother came up and met me there Friday morning to party for the next few days and after all that was done we headed down to Chattanooga to see my Dad for a few days. While I was down there I stayed with my bro down in Ringgold, GA. Monday morning left me wanting to ride a little so I said to myself, “Self, we’ve never ridden our scooter in Alabama, let’s go for a ride!” And we did, we headed out for Huntsville and stopped at the Harley dealer there, but they were closed on Monday. So then I said, “Well, crap, that sucks, now I want to visit a Harley place in Alabama, let’s find one!” and so we did! We drove over to a place called Tuscumbia (That’s about 20 miles from Mississippi, heh!) and found a dealer and I bought a t-shirt. Great ride, even if we did hit a little rain on the way back. Never realized there was that much cotton grown in Alabama. Anyhow, Tuesday came and I headed back home. Lots of rain and got a flat tire about 120 miles from home, but shit happens. All in all I had a fucking awesome time. Oh yeah, 1989 miles on the trip, not a bad little ride.

Cult Movies

We all know the great movies, the box office smash hits, etc. What I would like to know is your favorite CULT movie. Now, a lot of you might be thinking, "Oh, that's easy, Rocky Horror Picture Show" - BUT - Take a moment and think about it. Once ya know, leave a comment below for all who visit here to read through. Now, to start this off, hehe, mine is ::drum roll please:: 296a820dd7a0cc36018cd010._AA240_.L.jpg ARMY OF DARKNESS Directed by: Sam Raimi Starring: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz, Marcus Gilbert, Ian Abercrombie and Bridget Fonda Plot Outline: A man is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., where he must battle an army of the dead and retrieve the Necronomicon so he can return home. This was a Tongue-In-Cheek medieval-horror-comedy film with Campbell fighting an army of skeletons, a la Jason And The Argonauts. Campbell is best at making goofy faces. Embeth Davidtz provides the romantic interest. It totally reminded me of an AD&D game gone right. A lot of campy humor, very low budget but just good enough to laugh your ass off. Things learned in this movie were; * Nobody ever listens to the wiseman. * Medieval knights often fall for the old "Your shoelace is untied" trick. * Department store employees know how to construct robotic limbs. * If you ever swallow a six inch tall version of yourself do not add water. * Some books contain black holes. * Never mumble the magic words. * Every car has one chemistry book in it's trunk. * Rotting corpses have a problem pronouncing "forth." * When wrestling a skeleton try the backbreaker - very effective.
So now it's your turn... comment away with your all time favorite low budget cult movie!

Growing.

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked. She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..." "No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. "I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me. Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know." As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it! There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE. REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give. God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. "Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there." Pass it on.

Girlfriend Application

Nope, I didn't write this, but sort of changed a few things and thought it would be fun to see some of the answers... cause... who knows... Your Name: Not that I give a rat's ass (as long as yer legal), but so it IS legal, Age: Because I am too damn lazy to figure it out, Zodiac: Why do you want to be my G/F? What are your hobbies? Are you Twiggy, Slim, Well proportioned, A little meat, Plump, Heavy or Big? Do you like to stay in shape? Favorite bands? Dress or Pants? Skirts or Shorts/Skorts? Thong, Bikini, Granny panties or Commando? Bra or no Bra? What is my best physical Feature? What is YOUR best feature? Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you smoke cigarettes? Do you smoke weed? Do you drink? Do you do any other drugs? Do you like to draw/paint/other art stuff? Favorite movie? Can you cook? Can you clean? Are you religious, if so what religion? Are you spontaneous? Would you rather stay in or go out? How many girls have you had sex with? Threesomes? How long could resist yourself from having sex with me for the first time? Are you any good at sex? Would you like free lessons? What do you feel is the most important part of a relationship? What's the least important thing in a relationship? Are you the jealous type? Why should I pick you? Why would you make a great G/F? What do you like best about me? How would you make me laugh? How happy do you think you'd make me? If I called you at 3 am & wanted to hang out because I was feeling lonely, you would... It's my birthday, you would... How would you show me that you really like me, in person.... Would you take me to a strip club and pay for me if i really wanted to go? Any other things you would like to tell me?
Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatedly if they would like their picture taken. Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line. Every time you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line. Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it. Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off. Offer people money for their spots in line... MONOPOLY money. Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements. Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent. Find someone and tell him or her you're lost. Use your best acting skills. Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains. Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're going to make it big soon. Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmodic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride. Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of heroin, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of. Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way. Start talking *loudly* about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you. Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions. Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off. Walk up to anyone in the park, and say, "Hi, my name is [your name]" and offer a handshake. Ask ANYONE for his or her autograph. Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at. Find someone to tell your life story to. Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer." Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride. - Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides. Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero." Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can't swim and everyone's going to drown.
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