Depressing but HILARIOUS!
>>> Kimberly Kalfain-Green 10/23/2006 2:08 pm >>>
>>> Olivia Herrera 10/19/2006 1:38 pm >>>
Hopefully this will make me lose a couple of pounds,
>>> Magda Garibay 10/19/2006 1:02 pm >>>
Mid-Life
I can almost feel myself losing weight....
by sending this to you!
You'll understand at the end.
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how
mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole
show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few
thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you
are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even justpushing your luck) you'll
probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.
This
gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing
spans.
We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels
in
drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and
you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that
this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a
tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and
those
will too!
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and
we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing
teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we
can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin .
Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start
pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much
Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy
choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is
important.
We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but
our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the
knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe
our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've
acquired.
That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.
Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you
will
lose 10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds
immediately.
(That's why I had to pass this on - I didn't want to risk deleting
this.)
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