MICHIGAN
*If you consider it a sport to gather your food by
drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping
that food will swim by, you might live in Michigan .
*If you're proud that your region makes the national
news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest
spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan .
*If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November
through March, you might live in Michigan .
*If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five
months out of the year, you might live in Michigan .
*If someone in a store offers you assistance, and
they don't work there, you might live in Michigan .
*If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around
the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan .
*If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time,
you might live in Michigan .
*If your town has an equal number of bars and
churches, you might live in Michigan . (Can you say Bay City!!)
*If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might
live in Michigan
Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when...
1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75.
2. You drink pop and bake with soda.
3. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same
day.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow
during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events
(including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and
garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your
girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You know several people who have hit a deer more
than once.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of
a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking
age.
15. Down South to you means Ohio .
16. A brat is something you eat.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his
new pole barn.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to
frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than
your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
22. You measure distance in hours.
23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernor's and you
know it's not medicine.
24. You know what a Yooper is.
25. You think owning a Honda is un-American.
26. You know that UP is a place, not a direction
27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.
28. You understand that when visiting Detroit , the
best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.
29. You actually understand these jokes, and you
forward them to all your Michigan friends.
30....even though the war against Ohio officially ended nearly 200 years ago, you still consider it an ongoing battle.
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING. . .
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Michigan plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Michigan sunbathe.
40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Michigan drive with the windows down.
32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Lake Michigan gets thicker.
20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Michiganders close the windows.
10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico .
People in Michigan get out their winter coats.
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Michigan let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Michiganders get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.
460 (-459.67 F below zero):
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Michigan start saying..."Cold enough fer ya?"
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Michigan public schools will open 2 hours late
