I could say that things could be different and my New Years Resolution could be reached. I want to change my life and how easily it is for the ones I get, get attached to. The only way I could think to solve that is to change everything about me. Do my best to turn myself into a hardass, but it's in me to not be a hardass, no matter how hard I try.
I am busting in tears. I can't change who I am, regardless what I try. God made me this way for a purpose and regardless what happens, I will do what's right, whatever it means. I can't change who I am and God is somehow telling me this. Normally I would never bust into tears uncontrollably, but tonight I am. Maybe it's hurt, I don't know, but I wish I were someone else at this exact moment, but I can't be. The only thing I can grasp is that it's a test possibly to see who out there fails and passes. I have no other clue on what it could be. I pray and beg for a reason but never get one. I know also that in the end of my life that greater things are held for me, only time will tell what those are.... In a million years I could wish, but if I am meant to stay here and make those around me happy, fine, it's only mine own misery that is caused, none other.... Until I possibly find happiness, I feel I am alone in this world and no one else gives a shit about me... I'm sorry, but I feel alone, I feel so different than most, but I can't change it and all I want is to just fit in, but I can't, cause of the way I think and feel, nobody in today's age could accept, or even imagine to accept someone like me....
As always....TO BE CONTINUED
