PortlyIrishman's blog: "Stuff to share"

Understanding Men and Women

The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don’t listen. Ladies, when you talk to a man about what troubles you, it isn't that he isn't sympathetic or uncaring, but truly they don't always understand a woman and her views. There is nothing wrong in that, women are complicated and see things in varying shades and degrees. There are pinks, blues, reds etc. A man sees things simply....black white and grey. They have a tendency to be bewildered by women and our need for talking. If he offers a solution, we don't like, or offers no solution or suggestion, either way, he has messed up the way the man sees it. Either we
A. Reject his answer as ignorant or uncaring and/or get mad
B. See no response as meaning he is heartless and being a jerk and get mad.

Come on ladies, it's a catch 22 for the guys...give them a break. Whatever they do they live in fear of angering us, they get frustrated and stop trying to please us. Men are unsettled by anger from a woman, especially if he doesn't know or understand why, or has contributed to it simply by complying with our request. Let him know you are talking to him not to blame him for your problems or even get a solution, but you need to talk to someone. If you ask for his advice, accept it, LISTEN, aknowledge it and do give him credit for trying. Let him know you appreciate his input. It doesn't mean you have to take his advice. Don't tell him he "just doesn't understand" if you don't like the answer, you'll push him away. Always consider too, the best time to discuss things is NOT when he just walks in the door. And guys, don't attribute bad moods or anger to PMS. MAJOR faux pas! The correct answer to "am I getting fat?" is NO.

Women are motivated when they feel special or cherished. Women need to receive caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation, and reassurance. They need to be treasured. (So do men!) Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships A woman's sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They spend much time supporting, nurturing and helping each other. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating. Personal expression, in clothes and feelings, is very important. Communication is important. Talking, sharing and relating is how a woman feels good about herself. For women, offering help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength; it is a sign of caring to give support. Women are very concerned about issues relating to physical attractiveness; changes in this area can be as difficult for women as changes in a man's financial status. When men are preoccupied with work or money, women interpret it as rejection

The most frequently expressed complaint men have about women is that women are always trying to change them. This need a lot of women have to "mold" him into something confuses men. This is why we have furniture to move around and cosmetics and hairstyles to change. When a woman loves a man she feels responsible to assist him in growing and tries to help him improve the way he does things. He's a MAN, he does things a man's way. She thinks she is helping or nurturing him, while he feels he’s being controlled, manipulated and unaccepted. He'll dig his feet in and refuse to change in any way. Even if your way is better, let HIM figure that out himself. Wait for him to ask. Men take a great deal of pride in doing for themselves. If he was good enough to date, you fell in love with him the way he is, why in the world would you WANT to change him? He's not broken, so don't fix him. If he asks, he wants to do something to make a change, he wants a woman's acceptance. If he ASKS you directly how to change or improve, suggest it to him in a loving, caring way. Don't belittle him, put him down, or demand. All you accomplish there is thwarting his desire to grow or change. Men need to feel in control, so let him HAVE the remote!

A man's sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results, through success and accomplishment, achieve goals and prove his competence and feel good about himself. To feel good about himself, men must achieve goals by themselves. For men, doing things by themselves is a symbol of efficiency, power and competence. In general, men are more interested in objects and things rather than people and feelings. Men rarely talk about their problems unless they are seeking "expert" advice; asking for help when you can do something yourself is a sign of weakness. Men are more aggressive than women; more combative and territorial. Men's self esteem is more career-related. Men feel devastated by failure and financial setbacks; they tend to obsess about money much more than women Men hate to ask for information because to them it shows they are a failure Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement. Men are motivated when they feel needed. A man's deepest fear is that he is not good enough or not competent enough, he cannot provide or is in some other way not as good as he would like to be, though he may never express this. For a man not to feel needed, loved, and admired is slow death for a man.

Things Men and Women should know about each other

What women should know about men

Department stores and malls were designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires, power tools or sporting equipment nearby.

It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt and fix things. Women gather. Men just want to go out, kill it, or fix it, and bring it back. Why spend hours and hours looking at things they have no intention of killing? er... Buying? Let him look at the power tools or whatever, both of you will be a lot happier.

Don't make him hold your purse in the mall. Besides, men know nothing of accessorizing, and it would clash with whatever they are wearing.

Learn to move the toilet seat yourself ladies.

He heard you the first time. Don't nag or repeat yourself incessantly.

Looking at other women isn't a bad thing. If he doesn't look at an attractive female, something is wrong with him or he's dead. That's when you need to worry. It isn't like we don't look at attractive men, we're just better at being subtle about it.

Men offer solutions to problems in an effort to help. They do this so that they can frustrate us. They enjoy it. Kind of a retaliatory thing because they don't understand a woman's need for talking.

Making love on a weeknight is a good thing, but NOT preceded by 3 hours of analyzing your relationship.

Ask a man out. Spread the rejection evenly.
There is nothing wrong with being a strong, intelligent, independent, free thinking woman, but allow a man to treat you like a lady with respect, spoil you and open doors for you. It doesn't make you less of a woman.

Lingerie as a gift is NOT a bad thing. It's his way of letting you know he still finds you beautiful and sexy.
Never tell a man you love him unless you really do. They have hearts too, and even if they don't show it, their hearts can be broken so very easily.

Men withdraw to think when they have problems, this is not ignoring you. They like to "hide" in a cave and think things through. He'll come out when he's ready to talk, or not talk, respect that.

The arms and heart of a man who deeply,and passionately loves you is the best place to be.

A man's eyes can melt your heart.

Appreciate men. They need to be needed and admired.

Men can be truly artistic and show great passion and depth of emotion in art. Think about it, many of the great masters in art are MALE, composers of classical music as well. This is not slighting the many women artists there are, but too many times women complain men aren't passionate or creative or show emotion.

They have this wonderful place on their shoulder and neck just made for your head to rest on.

Men are the most wonderful, charming, loving, romantic, passionate, giving people on earth if treated right, respected, needed, admired and handled with care. They provide a lifetime of happiness.

What men should know about women

Diapers are NOT just a woman's job.

The correct answer to "Am I getting fat?" is never,ever yes.

Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

Don't tell her you love her if you don't. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

With a woman involved....never assume. ASK

Men have an uncanny ability to look deeply into a woman's eyes and connect with her heart, even when we don't want them to.

No matter what you say or do not say in an argument with a woman, you're in trouble. Be careful how you respond.

When a woman talks to you about things, try to understand they are not always looking for a solution, sometimes they just want to talk.

Grunting is NOT an acceptable response to a question.

Being warm, gentle and loving, and romantic, even shy is not an unmasculine thing.

Women love the way you are enthusiastic about our bodies. Even if we are not.

A woman needs to be treated with love, respect and admiration as well. Women need to be cherished and treasured.

A woman is just as capable of fixing a car, faulty plumbing or electrical wiring as you are, they just like it better if you do it.

Women love being told they are loved, cherished and desired.

Women are not as impressed with your cool car as you are, but they do love seeing the little boy within peeking out in his desire to please and impress a woman.

Housework should be shared.

Don't expect a woman to clean up after you fixed the meal, unless you are ready to do the same every night when she cooks.

A woman works just as hard for her money as you do.

The heart and arms of a woman who truly deeply loves you is the best place to be.

Appreciate women.

Flowers are always a good choice, especially roses.

Intelligence in a woman does not mean she is ugly or fat. Likewise being attractive or being endowed with a large chest does not indicate ignorance.

A woman making more money than you do does not lessen you as a man.

There is nothing wrong with a man who is a "house husband". It's his choice. He still likes football, sports, whatever. It doesn't lessen your value or his as a man.

If you say you're going to call,CALL If you tell her you're going to write...DO IT If you're going to be away for a day or two, let her know. Never be too busy to at least let your lady know when you might be gone for a few. Being dependable and keeping your word to a woman means more than you know.(Ladies same rules applies to you too. Men like a woman they can count on.)

Romancing a woman/man does not end with marriage, a relationship or living together. Keeping a relationship alive means doing the little things on occasion to let him/her know he/she is still special to you.

Things for BOTH to keep in mind

When some advise that if you do all the big things, you have no need to do the little things.....it's not so. Doing the big and little things are an expression of love, caring and respect for one another. When it doubt, do them both! NEVER use sex as a weapon. You not only create more problems, but you are depriving yourself as well. The rule of never go to bed angry.....okay.....sounds good but, staying up all night to solve the problem isn't always a good idea. Call a truce, get some sleep, after a goodnight's sleep, most likely you'll see a different view, understand better the other's view, or be able to work out whatever the problem is a lot better with time to think. Respect each other's right to privacy, time and space. Too much togetherness can create problems as well. The best advice anyone can give, is love, appreciate and respect each other and the differences between men and women. Don't sweat the small stuff. Take care of each other and be yourselves.