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Another weekend up to Heather's, and another one survived. Heather is our friend who is exhausting. She likes do drink, and be loud, and make everywhere a better place. Or at least a place where you can look back and realize the humor in what happened, from swearing that bactine had cured the pain in her boob, to passing out at a Chinese restaurant, due to too many beers, and too much sun. Her husband Dom is as quiet as she is loud, and basically keeps her out of jail. They are the perfect match...yin and yang. Dom looooooves boobs. So we arrive up there Friday night, around 1030, after 7 calls from her wondering when we'd make it up there. So we did, and the drinking began. We met her sister, who is getting divorced and is living with them. She's newly separated, so kind of a downer, but I've been there. I drank some fine tasting ale, and we visited until 130. Nobody got too drunk except Sue. Saturday began at 10, with the smell of coffee brewing. We were going to a picnic, it was raining, so we all dressed warmly, because there was no way Heather was passing up a kegger. We got there around 130, and we did know a few of the people there. Matt and Gwen were there. Mat is insane. We went camping with him and Gwen a few years ago, and we've sworn never again. Gwen is a sweet lady, and he's like raising a kid with something missing. But they were there, and since we haven't seen them in awhile, it was nice to see them. These two can drink beer like nobody's business.In three days of camping, they drank 6 cases of beer between them. It had to be them, because Keystone Light tastes like ass, and nobody else in their right mind would drink it. And you have to watch Matt around fire, he likes them big lol. The party was fun. Lots of kids, and it rained off and on throughout the day. 30ish people almost killed a half barrel. These folks are professionals, so nobody, other than Matt, got stupid drunk. After that, we went to Matt and Gwen's. I would have rather went back to Heather's, but the half went to Matt's, and Heather was following. Evryone got there safely, and a good time was had by all. Beer drunk, Matt stripped in his front yard, and titties flashed. What more could you want. As a side note, after seeing their house, I do hope that one of them goes to rehab. They rent a little ghetto house, make ok money, and have absolutely nothing but booze. I really like them, so I hope that they see the light. We went home, and on the way had to drop their friend Joel off, who has a crush on my wife. Joel knows where everything is, and we went to a place called Nicks, which are the best Gyro's i've ever seen. The system is right out of New Jack City...where you order, a door slides open, and your food appears. Damn tasty, and fries fried in beef tallow. Totally worth the clogged artery. We then went back, and passed out from exhaustion. Sunday, I got up around 8, drank some coffee, and Heather put in one of her breakfast casseroles. Delicious as usual. She had been dieting, but went off the wagon this weekend. Dom and I went and got the papers, and whatever necessities needed, and let his friends dogs out. A shelty and the meanest chihuahua you've ever seen. hated everyone but who was holding a hot dog. We got back around 2pm, and started drinking hurricanes. SoCo, cranberry, OJ, and white soda make a tasty concoction. Sue brought out some blackberry brandy, and a buzz was forming. Shawnna is a fast drinker, so she was pretty much shitfaced by 5. Thats when we decided to go to the porno shop. We all packed in, and drove the 25 minutes to the shop. Shawnna was half passed out, and we were all laughing at that. When we got there, it was an ok shop. Prices a little cheaper than in IL. It was in WI, because Heather and Dom live on the border. Nothing spectacular, they did have a clothing and shoe line that ours does not have. Shawnna has uncommonly small feet for a woman. Size 2 in kids, so she has trouble finding shoes. So she's looking at the shoes, and lo and behold she finds a pair that will fit her. Since she's loaded, her volume control button is stuck on high, so everyone is getting a play by play of her stay in the shop anyway, so her delite in finding "Ho Shoes" was heard by all. As was her exclamation that she could "Totally work in a Ho Shoe Shop". The clerk had the patience of a saint lol. So she tried one on, and saw what it was like to be 5'5" tall, then I worked her over to another part of the store. Then she had to show Heather. A minute later, the whole shop hear a thud like potatoes hitting the ground, and Shawnna saying "I fell off my Ho Shoes!". I felt we were pushing our luck, so we headed back to their house, after making our purchases. Shawnna went to our room and then proceded to pass out. We made more drinks, and sat around the campfire, and laughed at her for falling off Ho Shoes. We also had smores, which were bueno, and more blackberry brandy. Heather proclaimed that because she had eaten, she couldn't get drunk, so we went in and put in Boondock Saints. This aroused Shawnna, and she got up to watch it, and Heather went to bed. That was pretty much the weekend. We came home on Monday, picked up my work truck, and laid around the house. Dem did an excellent job of keeping an eye on the place. No animals dead, and the house still standing. So all and all...a success!
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