So confused about the love that I hold inside my heart for someone.....Everything started about 2 and half years ago.I meet this great guy,After he and I dated for awhile,I strted to love him. He is the only person that I have every loved this much.I feel that he is the love of my life.I just dont know what to do.We have been throw so much.Things with him n I were real good for awhile,and then he cheated on me with a girl that I hate.I just dont understand,why he cheated with her,because she looks like me.And then he and i broke up,then we tryed it again and our jobs got inthe way of making thigns work.So then we broke up again,and stayed friends.We would hang out go to the movies,talk,adn try to help each other out...Then over the past couple years,we were not talking as much,but when we did and hung out it felt like its meant to be. Last year,i started to think about movin out of state,so I packed up in the middle of Oct.2006 and moved down to South Carolina,for about a year.Now im back.Once I was back home here,He and I talked about things.He told me that when I was gone in South Carolina,that he was scared that I was not going to move back home here.So now I am back home here and we talked.One weekend I was in Waynesboro PA, and he and I hung out and layed in bed and just talked about the past and now.He told me that he had done a lot of thinking when I was gone. I said to him what did you think about, he told me that he missed me and that he thought about us,and were we might have been if we were still with each other.He told me that he cared for me very much,and then he asked me if I was seeing anyone,i said no of course.Cause im not seeing anyone.Then he asked me if we could maybe try things again.I said yes thats what I want. So then I thought being he was telling me how he felt then I should tell him how I feel.So I started to try to tell him how I was feeling and how I have felt, and it was to hard I started to cry. I rolled over and he got closer and held me tight and told me that it was okay that I could tell him anything.He told me to look at everything that he and I have been throw. I said look we have been throw Matt and Becky,and ya know,I said ohh you cheating. He said yeah that....you can tell me anything....I told him that I cant tell him this because if things dont work this time I did not want it to change what we have or what we might have or have had.He said no babe you can tell me anything, no matter what it is.....so my heart and mind wanted to belive him so bad....but my gut was tellin me not to belive him.I let my heart over ride my gut this time, and I told him that I love him, and that I have loved him,ever sence the first time that we broke up.He then asked me,what do you see for us.......I said you want to know the truth.....He said yeah....so I told him.....I told him that I see us getting married and having lil ones. He looked at me and had a real big smile on his face. Then we talked about trying things again, but he wanted to be friends again first. I mean if he really missed me as much as he said that he did and wanted to with me as much as he said then he would be with me now and not being a dick about things right???I just dont understand how a guy call tell you all that and then not want to be with u, and only you.I mean hes the love of my life, and yes i want things to work out but i just dont see them going anymore now.I have had my heart broken now by home 2 times and i just cant take it anymore.So there for im not going to let him get to me anymore. N i cant let him hurt my heart again. Its going to be hard letting him go, but its for the best. but my heart dont want to let him go yet, but my mind is telling me to let him go...... GOD im so confused what do i do.......I hate it when my heart is telling me one thing and my mind another....im so confused!!! But anyhow if you have any input on what you think i should do then holla at me.....
