I found this article in the local newspaper and I had to share it with all the moms out there.
The Evolution Of Motherhood.
by Debbie Farmer
Delivery
First child: You are determined to have a drug-free birth so you alleviate the pain by breathing in and out.
Second child: After 15 hours of hard labor, you finally break down and ask for "a little something" to dull the pain.
Third child: You start asking for every legal painkiller you can possibly think of a week before your delivery date just so the hospital will have enough time to stock up before you get there.
Preparing the nursery
First child: You sponge-paint pink clouds on the walls and put up a bunny border. You buy a matching comforter and sheet set , also with bunnies. You hang a bunny mobile and stencil bunnies along the top of all the furniture.
Second child: You f aux -finish over the clouds with light blue paint and replace the bunnies with lambs.
Third child: You make room for the bassinet somewhere between the entertainment center and recliner, then stick an extra finger painting on the wall with a push pin.
Choosing a sitter
First child: You only accept babysitters who are over 35, have passed a background check by the FBI, successfully preformed CPR(twice), and have degrees in both development and physiology.
Second child: You accept babysitters who are at least 16, are good students, and have three references from people you know well.
Third child: You accept anyone without a criminal record and who is free on a Saturday night.
Baby Appliances
First child:You buy a wind-up swing, a bouncer, a wipe warmer, and a baby monitor that is also a laser printer and fax machine.
Second Child: You buy a highchair that turns into a car seat, a changing table, and a crib.
Third child: You buy nothing.
Your stomach
First child: Your stomach does not show until sometime in the seventh month and then, afterwards, it goes right back where it was as if nothing much happened.
Second child: You begin to look pregnant about month three. After having the baby, you do approximately four hundred million sit-ups a day to get it to go back where it came from.
Third child: You look pregnant the very moment of conception. After having the baby, your stomach flaps around below your ankles and will not go back up where it belongs with out the use of a Kevlar girdle or power tools.
Nutrition
First child: You use a grinder to make your own baby food.
Second child: You prepare only certified organic foods and free-range chicken.
Third child: You make macaroni and cheese thirty-seven different ways
Halloween costumes
First child: It takes you thirty days to sew a costume.
Second child: It takes you thirty minutes to buy a ready made costume at the local discount store.
Third child: It takes your child 30 seconds to decide between last season's soccer shirt, her ballet leotard, or the Girl Scout uniform.
Toys
First child: Your child plays with politically correct toys like a sensory rattle, Mother Goose hand puppets, and classic wooden blocks.
Second child: Your child plays with Slinky, Spiro graphs, and other educational toys from your childhood.
Third child: Your child plays with headless naked Barbies.
Choosing a name
First child: You read lists and lists of names until you find the exact one that embraces your child's inner personality.
Second child: You chose an old family name that links one generation to the next.
Third child: You pick a name you can yell in the park three times in a row without getting tongue-tied or attracting dogs.
Packing the diaper bag
First child: You back a box of baby wipes, three musical rattles, five kinds of finger snacks, an extra outfit, the emergency number of the local hospital,Syrup of Ipecac and about two dozen diapers. You bring an extra sweater in case it gets chilly; you bring mittens in case of a sudden snowstorm, an umbrella in case of rain, and pepper spray in case of wild animals.
Second child: You pack hand sanitize, a burp cloth,and two diapers. You bring fishy in case of hunger, a sun hat for protection, and sand toys for stimulation.
Third child: You put an extra diaper in you pocket.
First day of school
First child: You walk them into their new classroom and help them find their desks. You meet the teacher and all of the other kids and their parents. You go home and worry if they will make friends, or fall in with a bad crowd, if they will be able to go down the big slide, or find the restroom in time.
Second child: You bring them to the classroom door and wave to the teacher from across the room. Then go home and re-wallpaper the kitchen.
Third child: You drop them off at the front door of the school and yell "See you later!" as your car screeches away from the curb.
Then you go home and cry*
