Cowboy's blog: "me"

rip out my heart stab it with a knife burn it and show it to the world let the blood drip out and paint the grass do what you want with my body for now its just an empty pod it matters not so fill it fill it with your poison your hate violate it ravage it for it matters not there is nothing left no heart no soul just an empty shell once your done just toss me away feed me to the wolves of this world and then forget me for im not worth another thought

you are a flower beautiful delicate soft you makes the sun rise the moon shine bright and the stars i see are only in your eyes to hold you would be heaven a dream come true you make me comfortable complete but hold you i can't call you mine i never will you are everything i will never have

im tired of wasting my life so this weekend i took action to do something about it it has come clear to me that i have almost no one in my life to help me and to get were i need to be and do what i love is entirely up to me the people that are supose to love and care for me and help me have all but disowned me this weekend i applyed for a new job and i will apply for another job later this week i am goin to the doctor to take care of all of my medical issues and will also apply for a lone to finish school and buy a house

i reach but no one is there im cold but i can't cuddle i long for someone to hold i have so much love to give but still i sleep alone every night no one's by my side

forget me not altho i sometimes do to write i mean its not that i don't love for you are my friend and hold my heart but life takes me away times are hard but forget me not you keep me true to myself and hold me together without you im lost

calm peace serinity thats what you make me feel when near you the world is brighter i see it les lunette rose its not the fact that i want you its not sexual at all its the expression of life you portray the gravitational force that attrats me to you for when im there i have no worry in the world and it saddens me to think that im not wanted but with all that has happened no matter how big or small has brought an uneasyness in you this is why we will no longer speak this is why you will never see me forget me ma belle for seeing you would hurt me too much to talk to you would kill me for you are everything and at the sametime nothing with this i say goodbye

i search my soul for words but the page stays empy its light outside but i can't see my soul is dark i am alone you are the only one that cares but i am so far gone and i see the pain in your eyes but i cannot feel i have been searchin for something something real something to feel but my quest is futile how can i search for something that i cannot do feel it used to be so easy not to feel i have gotten away with it for so long but its not enough anymore i want to feel i want to be held but for some reason it can't be you it hurts me to know that i hurt you but if i am not in the right mind i cannot be there like that and im not saying i don't want to or that its weird but let me come to you lately i have been around but very distant and i know how you feel but i am incapable of feeling anything toward anyone even in a crowd i feel alone and i don't know how to make it better so don't be mad don't feel bad just be around and know that ill always be there for you for you are the light in my dark world

the ghost in the darkness you slip in without a sound be it day or night you still kill me pictures flash in my head of your naked body flowers in your hair and the flames dancing on the wall your head on my chest as i hold you close yeah i held you close your smile and laughter brightened my world your eyes shined like diamonds yeah i loved you girl i try to erase all the memories of pain the smoke fills the room but it never changes the fact that your really not there

forget me not altho i sometimes do to write i mean its not that i don't love for you are my friend and hold my heart but life takes me away times are hard but forget me not you keep me true to myself and hold me together without you im lost

The flame torn between two worlds one must find where they belong you strive to find self in a world of pain and suffering where does this trail end when does serinity come people come people go the world is a blur as you fly threw it time gets short like the days from fall to winter am still young but this is the winter of my life the bitter cold of the world wears on my bones frosts over my heart and blackens the soul and the only comfort is a tiny flame a cherry of a cigertte the smoke warms the lungs and its toxic fumes rush threw my body the one thing that is mine five minutes i have to myself to ponder the world and my existence lost am i in the wilderness but my flame keeps me burn true and bright maybe someone will find me find me before the wolves of this world do engulfed by it its vishious fangs dig ever so deep ripping the flesh and then it ends the five minutes, its up and back to the hells of this world still ever so lost but i can now think clear now i can decide the who's the whys and the where i must go from here head held up shoulders back be proud or give the persona of it drive on keep goin cause thats all we can do and that's all i know