I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Being without work and having a lot of time of your hands does that to a person. I have been single for over six years. Watching my gorgeous perfect 10 sisters having their happy families and lives. Watching all the big breasted women get everything handied to them on a silver plater. (You might not agree, but you know they do) and it has done a number on my head. I keep wishing I had big breasts to be wanted. I need to look more like a woman and less of the 13 yr old I look like. because I had the same body when i was 13. I need to be more funny, I need to be more feminine and less brash, I need to be cute, sweet, and all those poodle like tendencies. I thought I needed to be MORE something, feeling like I wasn't good enough how I am. Like I said, I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have come to the conclusion that I have to be ME. I can't change my breasts, my body or my looks, I can not change who I am.. Just how I am.
Most don't talk to me anymore due to my negativity and how I act. Thing is, by walking away from a person because of their negativity only feeds into it more. You are adding into it, instead of sticking around and helping. Cowards really. By walking away from the negative person, you are hiding the fact that you can not stand something about yourselves. You are hiding who you.
I keep thinking I am a loser because I don't have lots of things, lots of friends.. lots of love.. I am not a loser.. I am a winner, I have my kids that love me.. i have my friends that love me.. and I am starting to love myself. Which speaks volumes in many ways.
Anyways. I am going to be me. Accept what I do have and not reflect on what I don't. It serves no purpose and being a wiccan.. the wiccan creed is.."DO NO HARM UPON OTHERS" and that includes yourself. I am doing myself hard by putting myself down all the time. I am breaking my religion's number one rule. So, no more of that. Anyone that can't accept me for who I am and how I look.. has no purpose in my life. And it's their loss and not mine anymore. I spend way too much energies on those that don't support, love and accept me.. and that will stop NOW!. Those that do support, love and accept me will get that energy.. They deserve it.
What I NEED to be is..........................ME!