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I have very little vanity and a very self depreciative sense of myself... but yesterday a stranger here on fu paid me the one compliment i'll accept... she said i have nice eyes.
so this morning as i was shaving i began to think. I do have nice eyes and they're the one trait that time can not rob me of...
too much smoking, drinking and weight have robbed me of any other physical quality that may have been attractive...(ok god robbed me of a pretty face at birth)... but my eyes still persist... they're my father's, mostly...
anyhow, like the title says nothing important just a passing thought...
DP
Ok, i get it... at least I think I do... i don't fit in, never really have so it shouldn't surprise me and it really shouldn't matter... but occasionally it does and when i give voice to that pain... hey, I'm always WRONG...
I think i should have stayed locked up in the nuthouse, at least ther i could pretend things made sense... i knew what to expect and what was expected of me... there wasn't much hope but there were no fantasies... no falsehoods... no pain. Orderlies and nurses didn't give you phony compliments... if they did you reported it and it ended.
what i hate most is feeling hurt and then feeling like i'm wrong, like i'm the one who owes an apology for opening my mouth and expressing myself... easier solution, (see Blog title)... i need to remember that...
I get it now, i wasn't really meant to circulate amongst humans... even internet ones.. hideous freak, leper... unclean, stay away... i've always been a pariah. It's when i get to feeling special that i fail
at least i don't have to worry, my blogs get barely read... lack of popularity has it's benefits...
End of Morning whine...
DP, hideous troll
This is tough for me to write...
Since my retuen from my hiatus, i have gotten to know some of you better than ever before and i have honestly kept myself out of the drama and BS better than before. But do to some severe personal problems, i will be taking a break soon. I may need to check myself in to a nut ward or i may just need to go wandering, hit NYC and go crazy... get off the grid for a while.
as i have told many of you my personal life sucks and has been in the toilet for years... it has actually taken a turn for the worse recently and i just need to get away from myself and need, if not a change of scenes, just some silence... or maybe noise... not sure. The problem with having so isolated myself the quiet i so desperately wanted is sometimes a trap. now i also have problems with my mother and my sister... and i feel very ALONE... more than ever.
anyhow... I'm not sure when i'll stop signing on... and less sure of when i'll be back, but i will be... some of you are too important to me for me to leave for good...
thanx for listening...
DP
For the first time in 15 years, this Tuesday night, my friend and i will be playing some guitar at a local drinking establishment. This song, which I know don't embed so it's in a comment, was the last song i ever played in public. I want to close things out with it it again... whaddya think... hey this is sounding like a MuMM... wow a free MuMM... will the powers that be get pissed?
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Ok, i know i'm odd... anyhow i get wrapped up in death a lot. friends family members sick, dieing, plus the whole stringently rigid Catholic upbringing... it does it to you... well i've decided i wouldn't mind a full church funeral so long as this is played... and acted out... I hope someone will volunteer for the role of mrs. murphy.
I chose this version because it includes the lyrics... and i expect harmonies...
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Wrote this as my Motto Years ago... goes along a bit with yesterday's blog...
Though many places I go
Only few I will know,
and the Fool I will play,
In the places I stay.
It seems everyone has gotten all 'honest', i think due in good part from the events that transpired last weekend; who am i to buck the trend...
Problem is I am VERY shy and private, yes despite the fool I am willig to play in the MuMMs and status comments... I am very much not a silly person... think Mark Twain and Edger Allen Poe had a love child...
So here is who I see myself as...
http://fubar.com/blog/266215/937964
and
http://fubar.com/blog/273951/962449
I'm too shy to leave it all out there... if you have questions ask... just keep on dreaming, being, and going on feelings...
DP
I just stole this from lilboops, Let's see if you know me at all. :)
1. What is my first name?
2. What is my favorite color?
3. Am I married, divorced, single or seperated?
4. How many kids do I have?
5. What type of music do I listen to the most?
6. What do I drive?
7. Do I have tatoos?
8. Am I a smoker?
9. Do i prefer the t.v. or to read?
