i'm sitting and thinking of how i want to be,
i think of how tired i am of my family and my life.
i think of how i can be better and better for people around me that actually care,
that actually are open to a true life ,one without the pursuit of drugs and sex...
i want to be around people who enjoy life and the blessings it offers,
not keeping themselves chained and miserable.
i am miserable.
i want a life.
i want to be responsible , i want to work and to stay sober.
i'm doing better and i know everything happens for a reason and this too shall pass.
were it not for melanie getting me enrolled in my class i do not think i would have ever
seen through my pursuit of staying brain clouded.
i no longer desire to be so.
i want to be aware and i have come thru bad times and now know how to simply be
patient and ride it out.
i have GOD ,and i have friends that for whatever reason help me to believe
in myself and my worth.
i do have something to offer and i am getting more aware and more resolved in being
who i need to be for myself as well as for others.
i no longer care about bullshit pursuits of useless knowledge.
i no longer care about pot and drugs.
icare about my friends.
i care about being helpful and responsible.
i have been very sad recently,
my dad is a complete piece of shit and i was allowing it to affect me.
my sister is a crackhead and my mom is in a selfinduced state of denial
that i cannot break her of and no longer desire to, for it is futile.
i can be who i am for me and for those who need me.
and i am nolonger of any use here, here in this constant despair and repetition of
ignorance and apathy .
i am frustrated but hopeful.
i am a good person, i have excellent morals and am intelligent beyond my years.
i seek truth, honesty, love, unity, & respect freely as i give it.
i pray to begin again and be given the oppurtunity to repay those i should have done so much more
for so long ago...
and this is how i feel and this is how i think at 1:30 am 4/25/07
no good comes of crying and remorse
no good comes of despair and loneliness
no good comes of hiding
who am i but who i should be, as GOD made me and gives me forgiveness
to dust myself off and try again , and to know that i've tried to help
my mother see,
my father see,
my sister see,
but they do not and they stay mired in despair and sadness.
not me , i see
and i shall be free.
i am unique, i am special, i am daniel
and there is no other soul like me
and i will utilize my potential to be all i should be
for GOD, for you, for me
