Common Male Foreplay Blunders
Met your fair share of sexual rejection lately? Has your lady seemed less than satisfied? Here are some common foreplay blunders men make and some tips to help turn them around.
1. Minimalist Foreplay
It's legendary: most women like more foreplay than men do. Men focus in on breasts, asses, and genitals and like to hurry the action along, claiming grazing rights on the woman's body as quickly as possible.
What you can do: Naturally, you can take more time. Slow down. Make a deliberate effort to warm up a woman's whole body before zeroing in on her boobs. She'll be much happier, and you may learn that you like extended foreplay yourself once you experiment with it.
Another trick is to invent foreplay experiences you'd like. Foreplay is not just physical arousal; it's also mental arousal. Yours and hers. Thus, it includes such pleasures as soaking in the hot tub, sensuous massages, swimming nude, a romantic walk in the woods, erotic conversation, dressing to tease, cybersex, etc. Pull out the stops.
Women learned long ago the art of the tease, of building erotic suspense, of making men wait for dessert. Men generally haven't been taught this skill, and yet it's a dynamite strategy. Women expect men to be a sexual pushover, always ready to go, and when he applies the brakes, she's no longer in control.
2. Mechanical Foreplay
Men are often criticized for foreplay techniques that resemble paint-by-numbers routines. Men adore women's bodies but often forget to pay attention to their minds. The end result is that women feel pawed and pummeled. This is what most women mean when they say they feel they're being treated as sex objects.
What you can do: Touch a woman's heart and soul by talking to her. Really. A man who can talk to a woman about anything when her nipples are showing (not just about how much he wants to have sex, which is assumed) gets high marks. Meanwhile, a man who knows a woman well enough to arouse her imagination with things she especially likes to hear can ignite flames of passion like a blowtorch. More than most men, most women speak an emotional language. When a woman complains about mechanical lovemaking, it usually means she wants to see more emotion from her man. She wants to break through the tough macho exterior and find the sensitive lover (yet not a wimp) inside.
3. Insensitive Foreplay
For years pretty women have endured the unwanted attention of men obsessed with carnal satisfaction. Their come-ons have been made ugly by their insensitivity. I think of insensitivity here as putting your own sexual agenda far ahead of the feelings or wishes of the person you want to seduce. She has a headache, but you don't care. She wants to watch her favorite TV show, but you want a blowjob instead. Anytime she says something, no matter how innocent, you put a sexual spin on it. Flopping her onto the bed is more important than cleaning yourself up or creating a romantic atmosphere.
What you can do: Men often don't catch on to this one until it's too late and the woman they love has gone. However, the best thing you can do is ask your partner how you can be a better lover. Listen to her without arguing. You may not like what she says, but you'll learn what she wants. For example, she may tell you that your breath is awful and your slobbery kisses disgust her. That's not fun to hear, but her honesty gives you a chance to improve yourself. Honest communication about what you like and dislike sexually is a golden key for creating what you both like.
4. Manipulative Foreplay
Manipulative foreplay is sexual harassment, which, in this context, is when a guy uses intimidation, mental cruelty, or deception to meet his sexual agenda. He tricks, drugs, threatens, or overpowers a woman into putting out for him.
What you can do: Realize that when you manipulate a woman for sex, your prize is false glory. You know she didn't go to bed with you because she likes you or thinks you're awesome. You tricked her. You also tricked yourself because sex under phony or coercive pretenses is nowhere near as juicy and satisfying as the real deal. It's like winning a rigged sporting event. Yeah, you won, but you know you had to cheat to do it. Sex by manipulation usually isn't about sex anyway. It's more of a desperate attempt to feel good by conquering or possessing someone. It would be better to find another way to feel good. You'll see why as soon as you enjoy a sexual relationship in a more honest way.
5. Nasty Foreplay
Many men love dirty, in-your-face sex play and often have a horrible time finding women who are truly happy providing it. Men often blunder badly trying to get their honey to talk nasty or show their booty in a halfway exciting fashion.
What you can do: This would be a good time to discuss different sex styles with your honey. Explain to her that you occasionally want sleazy sex. Tell her specifically what you want her to say and do. Spare her from guessing. She'll most likely be willing to do it your way when you show you're willing to do it her way, too. With a new woman, go gently. If she gives clear signals that hot talk makes her quiver in delight, unleash your tongue. Otherwise, turn up the heat gradually, and remember that for many women, learning how to talk nasty is learning a foreign language.
