Just when I think I have all my feeling hidden away, or ripped out, someone finds another one, tweaks it a bit, then slowly pulls it out of me, while I watch in agony. Sometimes I just want to run away, leave everything behind and just go!! I guess I have to much honor to do that to my kids, good for them, hell for me. Will this ever end, do I have a sign on me that says, "Hurt me I like it"? Sometimes I don't know if I should pray that this completely destroys me or not. I've come to terms with the fact I will never be happy again, but why do I have to live in pain for the rest of my life?!?!? Some people think at least pain is a feeling, well I would rather just be numb!!
