OK so, today I get a call from my mom right as get home to tell me that my dad has yet again landed back in the hospital. Now my dad has had a lot of problems with his knee's and stomach and so on and so forth. So I figured ok another surgery is about to happen. But she goes on to tell me that, he's in the hospital with an extremely high fever and they have no idea what's going on with him. I could handle her telling me just that, but then she went on to say things aren't looking too good for him right now.
That literally shot me into a tail spin. For those of you that know me well know that I think and speak very highly of my dad. He's not only my dad he's my best friend. One of the few people, that no matter how ridiculously bratty, bitchy, childish, or out of hand I ever got he was always standing beside me, he's always had my back. I've put that man through a LOT of bullshit. But even though I did all that and then some, he still told me and tells me that he's proud of me and he loves me.
And now I have the fear that I'm going to lose him. I know that most of you are thinking that I'm getting way too worried about nothing because we really don't know what's going yet. You don't understand, this is my dad. My dad is my drive in life, has been, always will be. I will full on admit to each and everyone of you reading this right now, I am a Daddy's Girl. And I don't care.
He keeps me grounded, helps me keep a level head. Most of the time anyways lol. Pretty much what I'm trying to say is, I don't think I can face the fact that I might lose him. I'm no where NEAR ready for him to do that. And I can pretty much say that, I'd probably not be the same person if I did lose him.
Am I OK? I'm sure that's a question most of you will ask and I'll tell you right here and now. NO THE FUCK I'M NOT. I'm a mess on the inside while smiling on the outside. Yes I know it's bad to keep shit bottled up and that I should tell someone how I'm feeling but you know what I don't want to.
I guess right now all I can do is wait and see what's going to happen. I don't know if it's bad or not, but I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. Really conflicting but I don't know what else to do right now. I'm terrified. And that sucks.
