London's blog: "Lyrics from favorite songs (why say it again if someone has already said it better)"

i feel like i won a million bucks... events of the last couple days have put me on top of the world... but i have a problem. those million bucks im feeling like wont buy the one thing i really want... you see good thing=winning the lottery bad thing=i have not a soul to tell about said good thing. You see im a procrastinator. i put everything off until the very last second. including talking to and getting in contact with my friends. I think i have alienated alot of people. I want ever so much to be with my friends. I think about them all the time. you see i am a very compartmentalized person. i put all areas of my life in little boxes. boyfriends in one box. gaming friends in one. cherry tap friends clarksville friends mason city friends. clear lake friends nora springs friends. and belmond friends. each box is of a different size. they all look different in my mind. they represent periods in my life. i keep all these boxes because they all represent good parts of the person i am. To me Belmond friends represent endurance. they lasting parts of me. my will to keep moving. Nora springs friends are my guiding lights. they are the people that stuck by me when i use to lie through my teeth and be something i wasnt. they stuck by it through that to see the person i am today. and all though i may not be much they love me just because im me. My clear lake friends were initially born out of desperation. i felt like i had no one and started to hang out with them just so i wouldnt be bored. but they did teach me a valuable lesson about speaking your mind and not beeing meek about the things you want... they taught me a certain amount of spontanaity and i am forever greatful to them for that my mason city friend are amazing. the friendliest people you will ever want to know. they are the people i want to be for several reasons. they know how to balance things. they have alot of fun, but they know when its time for the fun to stop they can go to work and come home in a good mood because they are working for something. they made me learn about self improvement the most valuable lesson of the day my clarksville friends taught me kindness they were there or me when NO one else was. helped me through the hardest time in my life. a time when i was basically at the mercy of others, they were always there with a word of encouragement or help in some way i love them forever my cherry tap friends taught me about loyalty... staying loyal to one another through anything and it is amazing that there are people out there who will stick by me through anything... because of a common connection my gaming friends taught me about what family is all about. i love these guys with all my heart. they have shown me teamwork and not for the sake of helping yourself but of helping a friend they have shown me the giving nature in human beings and taught me that i am a valuable person when i was in my darkest days they lifted me up with there words and actions and taught me that i am a good person In each of these boxes they have there own little worlds and all the people in these worlds have something in common with one another a certain bond that cant be broken. but when ou look at these boxes from the outside the only thing they have in common with one another is that they are all in a room together. a room that resides within me. my biggest problem is that i can only focus on one box at a time. if im with my mason city friends thats all i can think about for long periods of time. seems i have been focused on my gaming friends and leaving everone else in the dust and that saddens me because it represents the pattern my life has taken. jusmping from one thing to the next. never sticking with any one thing because you had no glue to hold them together. now we come to the boyfriend box. this one is slightly different, because it represents different periods in my life. we dig through the box and down at the bottom we find edward. edward was the first man i ever said i love you too. and i thought i meant it at the time. i think i was in love with the fact that he wanted me. no one had ever wanted me before.he had taught me the lesson of desire. and i was settling. settling for the first acceptable thing that came my way... i didnt really love him though i thought i did. several occurences throughout this period made me belive there was no such thing as love. fastforward a year later. i am now 23 i havent had any boyfriends. since edward and he was honestly my first. i had a few flames. was starting to get really interested in one guy when BAM my life changes forever in a heartbeat. im stuck surfing the internet day after day after day because i couldnt do anything. they didnt know if i was ever going to be able to really truely walk again. and i meet a boy. a boy who is taken a beautiful kind person whom i had a lot in common with. we talked as friends for a bit and i ended up falling in love head over heals for the first time EVER in love. the real deal folks, the kind of love that you feel forever. and he loved me as well. and then one afternoon it all changed. suddenly he didnt want to be with me. at first i was sad and then i was ANGRY. i wanted revenge. and the only thing i could do was go to a guys house that night and sleep with him. I did but revenge it was not because the sex was so good, i could only imagine it was my boy. the amazing boy i had fallen in love with. my life moved on after that though it was hard in those moments when he would pop back into my life. i didnt really date anybody for awhile. though there were 2 men that influenced my life very much in tha period of time. crunchy, and dman. crunchy i honestly believe is my soul mate. we share a brain. like all the same things. but it turned out platonic. we were too much the same person for it to have ever gone anywere with. then he broke my heart. he chose to leave rather than own up to the mistakes he had made. he taught me that alchohol is retarded and that balance of interests is a good thing he also taught me not to put all my trust in one person. dman taught me to take things slow. lay back and enjoy the ride hes my hero lol but after the boy left me everyone i met was him.i dated for awhile afterwards and i was always looking for a replacement bacause the boy had been all id ever wanted. then one day i ge a message. the most sincere apology message i have ever recieved. i nearly cried. but i had gotten to a point by then where i could have been just his friend. i told him straight up that i was still in love with him. but i would be willing just to be his friend. and the last few days talking to him have been amazing.. its like we picked up where we left off. i genuinely do love him always have always will i love this boy because he has everything i have ever wanted. he inspires me to be a better person. he makes me want to take all the boxes out of my mind and dump em into one big box. makes me want to see and hear from all my friends. all of them. get them all involved with my life. all at once. he makes me want to write and draw and sing. he inspires me to keep trucking when i dont think i can anymore he lifts me up and makes me feel like i am the only personin the world... hes not overbearing and he is encouraging... hes the only person i can be myself around. he makes me want to be well rounded and be a better friend. this boy is my everything. this boy is my angel and i love him for all these things i love you tony... always have, always will *blows kisses*

So I was on a date last night O.o when billy calls me at 4:30 in the morning to tell me that hes drunk... i tell him to meet me at my house in 20 minutes cause i m in charles city and he says "i dont know im really drunk.... and people have been messing with me and the last time i was drunk** *trails off* i gotta go" and hangs u. :o i call billy back and make him PROMISE me that he will meet me at my house he says ok we get back to clarksville (which takes forever because we almost hit lke ten gagillion aniimals >.<) and i call him to see where he is and he is IN my house Oo. I arrive home and say goodbye to my date, with one of those dont call me ill call you kind of lines, go inside and Billy is half passed out in my arm chair XD. So i ask him whats up and he says "i dont want to talk about it, pack me a bowl" and swings his bag into my face.lol I take it from him and while im packing a bowl tells me about how he got his sister some presents out of peoples yards.:P I pass it to him. and he says "no, you hit it. im tore up from the floor up". rofl So im smokign a bowl while he tells me about everthing that happened during the evening, in cluding possibly losing his checkbook in someones yard. *slaps forehead* so he tells me to pinch a little out of his bag (i am not smoking any of it incase he wonders why his sack is so low in the morning) he says i gotta go before i throw up and walks out of the door and imediately pukes over the side of the deck railing LMFAO so i decide to walk him home lol and he has to stop half way through the trip (about 50 ft) to text someone lol i get him home and start walking back to my place when i see this amazing cat that looks nearly identical to my cat who dissapeared... opium... I got him to follow me home and aproach me and i imediately fall head over heals in love. he was identical to my opium all black except he has little white gloves on i cant bring him inside cause my mom is allergic to cats so i take some tuna outside to feed him (im trying to get him to stick around so i can take him to my dads farm) go back inside turn on the computer and i start to hear people talking outside and im thinking BILLY you had better stay in that traler. lol start talking to my favorite bunch of people (s&s) when i hear a knock at the door. i think ({[its either billy or the cops]}) (cause i have all the stuff billy got for his sister on my deck) lol so i go to the door and its billys sister. i recapped the whole night and by the time it was done she was rolling. It was an interesting night to say the least... throughout most of it it. It was a night made for hollywood a buddy comedy with love animals and surprise visits in the middle of the night... now how the fuck am i gonna get to sleep after all that excitement!!??!?! ** billy got in A SHITLOAD of trouble last time he was drunk

How To Save A Life The Fray Step one you say we need to talk He walks you say sit down it's just a talk He smiles politely back at you You stare politely right on through Some sort of window to your right As he goes left and you stay right Between the lines of fear and blame And you begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life Let him know that you know best Cause after all you do know best Try to slip past his defense Without granting innocence Lay down a list of what is wrong The things you've told him all along And pray to God he hears you And pray to God he hears you Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life As he begins to raise his voice You lower yours and grant him one last choice Drive until you lose the road Or break with the ones you've followed He will do one of two things He will admit to everything Or he'll say he's just not the same And you'll begin to wonder why you came Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend Somewhere along in the bitterness And I would have stayed up with you all night Had I known how to save a life {Repeat the chorus four times} Somehow this song feels appropriate for my current situation

Artist-Jack Johnson Song-Constellations Album-In Between Dreams The light was leaving in the west it was blue The children’s laughter sang And skipping just like the stones they threw Their voices echoed across the waves It’s getting late And it was just another night With a sunset and a moonrise Not too far behind to give us just enough light To lay down underneath the stars We listened to Papa’s translations Of the stories across the sky We drew our own constellations The west winds often last too long And when they calm down, nothing ever feels the same Sheltered under the Kamani tree Waiting for the passing rain Clouds keep moving to uncover the sea Stars up above us chasing the day away To find the stories that we sometimes need Listen close enough and all else fades Fades away And it was just another night With a sunset and a moonrise Not so far behind to give us just enough light To lay down underneath the stars Listen to all translations Of the stories across the sky We drew our own constellations

i can be an asshole of the grandest kind I can withhold like it's going out of style I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone Who is as negative as I am sometimes I am the wisest woman you've ever met I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected i have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone Who is as positive as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here i blame everyone else & not my own partaking my passive aggressive-ness can be devastating I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone Who is as closed down as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go I am the funniest woman that you've ever known I am the dullest woman that you've ever known I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone Who is as everything as I am sometimes you see everything you see every part you see all my light and you love my dark you dig everything of which I'm ashamed There's not anything to which you can't relate And you're still here I dont know why it just kind of spoke to me

Band- Placebo Album- Sleeping with ghosts Song- Ill be yours I'll be your water bathing you clean The liquid piece I'll be your ether you'll breathe me in You won't release Well I've seen you suffer, I've seen you cry the whole night through So I'll be your water bathing you clean Liquid blue I'll be your father, I'll be your mother, I'll be your lover, I'll be yours [x2] I'll be your liqour bathing your soul Juice that's pure And I'll be your anchor you'll never leave Shores that cure Well I've seen you suffer, I've seen you cry for days and days So I'll be your liqour demons will drown And float away I'll be your father, I'll be your mother, I'll be your lover, I'll be yours [x3] Yours...