Luv Ms B Haven's blog: "Luv, Ms. B. Haven"

Two Stories - you have to read both! STORY NUMBER ONE Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the windy city in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder. Capone had a lawyer nicknamed 'Easy Eddie.' He was Capone's lawyer for a good reason. Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago city block. Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocity that went on around him. Eddie did have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was withheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son; he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example. One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al "Scarface'' Capone, clean up his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance of integrity. To do this, he would have to testify against the mob, and he knew that the cost would be great. So, he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life en ded in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. Police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine.The poem read: 'The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop at late or early hour. Now is the only time you own. Live, love, toil with a will. Place no faith in time. For the clock may soon be still.' STORY NUMBER TWO World War 2 produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircraft carrier Lexington in the South Pacific. One day, his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet. As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold; a squadron of Japanese aircraft was speeding its way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger. There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50 caliber's blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane and then another. Butch wove in and out of the now broken formation and fired at as many planes as possible until all his ammunition was finally spent. Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly. Finally, the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction. Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and r elated the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet. He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft. This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of W.W. 2, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor. A year later, Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29. His home town would not allow the memory of this W.W. 2 hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man. So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue an d his Medal of Honor. It's located between Terminals 1 and 2. SO WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER? Butch O'Hare was 'Easy Eddie's'son. (Pretty cool, huh?)

well... i got my wedding dress, decided not to go with white.. tell me what you think...

okay guys... these are just silly jokes so don't take them personal... Men are like... laxatives - they irritate the shit out of you. Men are like... bananas - the older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like... weather - nothing can be done to change them. Men are like... blenders - you need one, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like... chocolate bars - sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. Men are like... commercials - you can't believe a word they say. Men are like... department stores - their clothes are always 1/2 off. Men are like... government bonds - they take soooooooo long to mature. Men are like... mascara - they usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like... popcorn - they satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like... snowstorms - you never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. Men are like... lava lamps - fun to look at, but not very bright. Men are like... parking spots - all the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

href='http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vcHJvZmlsZS5teXNwYWNlLmNvbS9pbmRleC5jZm0/ZnVzZWFjdGlvbj11c2VyLnZpZXdwcm9maWxlJmZyaWVuZGlkPTg4NDE2MTI0Jk15VG9rZW49N2NiN2VmMmQtODUyOC00ZTU0LTkwMzgtYWMyYTBkZmIyM2Jl'>wendy
Date: Oct 1, 2007 8:40 AM


-----------------
From: Black Label Society
Date: Sep 30, 2007 11:23 PM


When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard....

...to listen to his son whine about being bored.

...to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

...to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

...to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.

…to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.

...to be grateful that he fights for the freedom of speech.

...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.

...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.

...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.

...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.

...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.

...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.

...to be happy for a friend's new hot tub.

...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.

...not to punch a wall when someone says we should pull out immediately

The only thing harder than being a Soldier...

Is loving one.





^^

THE RULES: 1. The woman ALWAYS makes the rules. 2. The rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notification. 3. If the woman suspects the male knows all the rules, she must IMMEDIATELY change some of the rules. 4. THE WOMAN IS NEVER WRONG. 5. If the woman is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was the direct result of something the man did or said wrong. 6. If rule 5 applies, the man must apologize immediately for causing the misunder- standing. 7. The woman can change her mind at ANY given point in time. 8. The male must NEVER change his mind with express written consent from the woman. 9. The woman has every right to be angry or upset at ANY time. 10. The man must remain calm at all times, unless the woman wants him to be angry or upset. 11. The woman must under NO circumstances let the man know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 12. Any attempt by the man to document these rules could result in bodily harm. 13. If the woman has PMS, all rules are null and void. 14. The man CANNOT diagnose PMS.

(Probably the mailman.) A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it so the doctor hooked them up to the machine. The doctor set the knobs to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to himself. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. However, when they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tom and John were sitting in the cafeteria at lunch one Friday afternoon discussing the hot new video game that had just come out. John asked Tom if he’d gotten the game yet, that he went out and got it the minute it was released and it was awesome. Tom answered that he didn’t have enough money and his parents said he had to earn the money. John gave Tom a suggestion on how to get money quick and easy. Tom was to go home and tell each of his parents “It’s okay. I know.” John promised him it was a sure fire method. That evening, Tom decided to try it out on his mom first. Tom went into the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner and told her, “Mom, I know, and it’s okay.” Mom reached for her purse and handed Tom $20. She told him, “I don’t care how you found out, just don’t tell your father.” Tom quickly left the kitchen, wondering if the plan was really working so he decided to try it on Dad. He walked into Dad’s office and told him, “Dad, it’s okay. I know.” Dad, sat there for a minute, then quietly took his wallet out and handed Tom $20 and told him, “Son, just don’t tell your mother.” Tom decided that John’s plan worked so well that he wanted to try it on another adult. So, the next day Tom approached the mailman and told him, “Sir, it’s okay, I know.” The mailman immediately dropped to his knees and, holding out his arms, said to Tom, “Come here my son. I have waited a long time for this day.”

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awh Schitt. Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt. Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. They produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son, Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt, and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of baby Schitt.

Q: Is there a fourth of July in England? A: Duh! There’s a fourth of July everywhere. There’s also a fifth, a sixth, etc., Q: How many birthdays does the average man have? A: One. You’re only birthed once.. the rest are the anniversaries of your birth. Q: Why can’t a man living in Miami, Florida, be buried west of the Mississippi? A: Generally, people that are still living aren’t buried. Q: One month has 28 days. Of the remaining 11 months, how many have 30 days? A: The answer is in the question – 11. (You gotta have 30 days to get to 31.) Q: How far can a dog run into the woods? A: Only half way.. the rest of the way, he’s running out of the woods. Q: A farmer had 17 sheep, all but 9 died. How many had he left? A: You’re not very good at this are you… the answer’s in the question. Q: How many animals of each species did Moses take on the Ark? A: None. Noah took the animals on the Ark. Q: How many outs in each inning of a baseball game? A: 6 - 3 per team Q: If a doctor gave you three pills and told you to take one every half hour, how long would it be before you ran out of pills? A: One hour. For me at least... don't you take one right then? Q: If you have two US coins totaling 55 cents, and one of the coins is NOT a nickel, what are the two coins? A: A fifty-cent piece and a nickel. Yeah, I know… I said one of them is NOT a nickel, but reread the question… you have TWO coins, only ONE of them is not a nickel. Q: Take two apples from three. What do you have? A: If YOU TAKE two apples, then YOU HAVE two apples. Come on now… Q: How many sides on a circle? A: You’d think zero right? Nope.. front and back make up two sides. Q: How much dirt is there in a 2x2x4 hole? A: Come on… this is simple… 2x2x4 = no dirt. It’s a hole people. Q: There is a house with four southern exposures, there is a bear running toward the house. What color is the bear? A: Who the fuck cares? RUN Q: A woman declares her grandfather is only five years older than her father. Can this be true? A: Absolutely. She never said that they were from the same lineage.