So I have Lupus and many of you don't know what it is, and that is one of the worse parts of this disease. No one knows anything about it and therefore it confuses people, and scares them.
So here is the cold hard facts:
Lupus is a chronic inflammatory disease that can affect various parts of the body, especially the skin, joints, blood, and kidneys. The body's immune system normally makes proteins called antibodies to protect the body against viruses, bacteria, and other foreign materials. These foreign materials are called antigens. In an autoimmune disorder such as lupus, the immune system loses its ability to tell the difference between foreign substances (antigens) and its own cells and tissues. The immune system then makes antibodies directed against "self." These antibodies, called "auto-antibodies," react with the "self" antigens to form immune complexes. The immune complexes build up in the tissues and can cause inflammation, injury to tissues, and pain.
Although lupus can affect any part of the body, most people experience symptoms in only a few organs. Table 1 lists the most common symptoms of people with lupus.
Table 1
Table of Symptoms
Achy joints (arthralgia)
Fever more than 100 degrees F
Arthritis (swollen joints)
Prolonged or extreme fatigue
Skin Rashes
Anemia
Kidney Involvement
Pain in the chest on deep breathing
Butterfly-shaped rash across the cheeks and
nose
Sun or light sensitivity (photosensitivity)
Hair loss
Abnormal blood clotting problems
Raynaud's phenomenon (fingers turning white
and/or blue in the cold)
Seizures
Mouth or nose ulcers
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hate taking my meds. I hate that I have to rely on medication to stay alive. I hate that I can't go out and do whatever I want, becuase if I bump myself to hard, I can bleed to dealth. I hate that I can't stay up late with my sisters and have a good time all the time. I miss me! I miss the old me. The one that was up for everything, anytime, anywhere. I miss the way I used to look and the way I used to feel. More than anything I'm scared!
I'm scared to dealth for what comes next. I'm afraid of what happens tomorrow. What part of my tatered body will fail me next. What new medication is going to cause the latest side effect? To be honest I'm afraid of never seeing the people I love again. I'm afraid that the next time I talk to them or see them may be the last. How is that anyway to live.
Usually I'm fine with this. I've accepted it and learned to deal with it. other days like today and the last couple, I don't want to do it anymore. Honestly I don't want to have to be this way. I don't like to sit here and have my fate so out of my hands.
