Desertwolf's blog: "Love"

I feel I've spent my life looking for a woman that will be able to surprise me day after day. Most women are fairly predictable. The more they try to hide their feelings, or their lack of, the easier it is to see right through them. I have found one, and only one, that is truly unpredictable. Unfortunately, that has also been a problem. I'm never sure what she is thinking or even how she feels about me. There are times when I think we share the same feelings for each other, then there are times when I feel like she doesn't want anything to do with me. I often find myself staring at her, just wondering what she is thinking. I've tried asking her, but her response is always the same, "nothing." I wish she would share more of herself with me, but I'm sure she wishes the same from me. It is, however, refreshing to have found someone that has yet to become boring to me. After nearly five months, I still enjoy every second of her company. She is as mesmerizing as moonlight on the water. She is as radiant as the first rays of light during a morning sunrise. Every moment with her brings joy and peace to my life. Ironic, as much of a conundrum as she is to me, her presence brings me comfort. For once in my life, I've found the one that brings me true happiness and for once in my life, I have no idea where our lives are going. For the first time I am unable to anticipate tomorrow. Every day with her in my life may be the last. She has become a beacon, guiding me through life and without her I would be lost. There is no other on this Earth that I would rather grow old with. It seems all we possess is friendship, yet I desire so much more. It drives me crazy not knowing what she desires for us. Is she satisfied with just being friends, or does she desire more as I do? Does she see a future with me as I see with her? I have no way of knowing what the future holds, for now I can only revel in every moment I have with her. She is so close to me, yet so far away. JFC

It was a love discovered through pain. A love shrouded in secrecy. A love so fragile, that to unviel it would shatter it. The feelings were there. It had an abundance of desire. The chemistry came naturally. Everything felt so right, yet so wrong. Perhaps the love was right, but the time was wrong. Maybe outside forces obstructed the path that destiny had paved for us. Possibly fate just didn't deem us worthy. Regardless of the reason, the fact remains that we aren't together. My love for her will never die, but it must be buried if I am to love again. As time moves on the memory of her will fade. I could never forget her, for she is a part of me. She will always and forever be the love that wasn't meant to be... JFC

I've been close to many people in my life, people I still think about. Some only breeze through my mind on occasion, but others pass through on a daily basis. A song will trigger a memory of them. A smell will bring back a time we were together. A place we had been will cause thoughts of them to cascade through my mind. I doubt that I'll ever forget them. Even those that have hurt me are still present in my thoughts. They are a part of me now and I can never remove them from my memories. I often wonder if they ever think of me? Am I ever on their mind or am I just easily forgotten? Did I affect their lives the way they affected mine? Do they ever wonder what I am doing like I often wonder what they are doing? Do they ever desire to find me again the way I desire to find them? As I sit here thinking, I realize I have never moved on. My feelings for them have never faded. They are as much a part of me now as they were before. I wonder if they sometimes feel the same way? Do they ever think of me? JFC

For a long time now I've been searching for my true love. Searching for a love that will last a lifetime. I've yet to find it. Lately my search has become complicated and full of confusion. The women I seem most attracted to just don't know what they want or they are afraid of love. I know what I want. I want someone I can shower with love. Someone I can care about and she will care about me in return. Someone I can lay next to in bed late at night and talk to for hours. Someone I want to hold on to for eternity, never letting go. Someone I can give my heart to. Why is this so hard to find? The women I meet tell me how nice I am. They tell me how sweet I am. They tell me I'm too good to be true. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm too nice. Maybe I'm too sweet. Maybe I'm too good. I've spent years changing who I am to become the person I am today. I don't believe in violence. I don't believe in causing others pain, except during sex when they ask for it. I believe in helping people. I believe in doing what is best for others, even if it hurts me to do it. I put all others before myself. I only say what I mean and I only make promises I intend to keep. Basically I do everything I can to be nice, sweet, and good. All the women I meet say they care about me. They all say they want to be friends, but not a single one of them wants a relationship with me. I often wonder what is wrong with me. What is it that makes me so unattractive? Were all those years I spent to become the man I am nothing but a waste of time? Is it true that nice guys finish last? I'm beginning to believe my search for love was nothing but a waste of my time. I should just learn to enjoy the loneliness I constantly feel. I've always felt I was destined to be alone. I guess I was right... JFC

She is beautiful beyond compare. A timeless beauty is all my eyes can see. Even when she looks her worst, she is beautiful in my eyes. She knows what I am thinking by the expressions on my face. She would stand by my side through the worst of times. She is faithful, loyal, and kind. Her heart may be scarred by her past, but she still loves endlessly. She gives meaning to my life. She brings me a happiness that I've never felt before. She is my everything. She is all I can think about. She is always on my mind. I love her more than I've ever loved any woman. She is all that matters to me and she doesn't even know it. All I want is to be with her and she doesn't even see it. All I can do now is love her with all of my heart and wait to hear the word, "yes." JFC

I suppose everyone has their own idea of true love, but here is my opinion. True love happens when two people develop a relationship that causes their spirits to become intertwined. Their deepest thoughts and desires run the same course, as if they were one. True love is enjoying every second you spend with that special someone and dreading every second that you have to be apart. You no longer feel whole unless you're together. Every time you envision the future she is by your side. You feel as though your life didn't begin until you met her. You feel like you are only half a person and you can't live without your other half. You feel true love at the oddest of moments. You feel it when you lay next to her at night mesmerized by her beauty while she sleeps. You feel it when you open your eyes in the morning to see her eyes staring back at you. You feel it most of all when you look into each other's eyes and become hypnotized, lost in the love you can see in her soul. When nothing in life is more important than her, that is "True Love." JFC