What is love? You know what I believed love was... i believed love was unconditional. When you truly loved someone, nothing would stop it. There was no, I love you, BUT.... it was always just, I love you. Problems happen. People fight. Things go wrong. Love, is forever. You don't just start loving someone and stop loving someone. It's not something you turn off like a lightbulb. One day you love them, the next you don't. If you truly love someone, you love them even when you hate them. You love them when they hurt you, you love them when they're wrong. You never leave them when things just get tough.... you endure a lot.... sure, there is a line to draw... but it's not just when things get too hard.... thats what "working things out" is about....You love them no matter what. Love, is supposed to be unconditional, enduring, eternal.... undying... Love is enough to conquer all.Love is all you need. Love is enough. But, is that real?? Is that true?? Is that the way love really goes?? Is love even real?? According to my definition of love, only one man has truly ever loved me.... Dennis... Funny isn't it? Through all that I've been through, all that has happened, all that's gone on... Dennis STILL confesses his love for me. Sure, he's an asshole. Sure he sucks. Given his history, given his background.... it's no wonder he's a psychological mess.... but ya know, I actually believe him when he says he loves me... does it matter?? I'm not sure... He has done so much to hurt me.... It's funny... I look at relationships I've had w/ other people.... Lindon endured a lot... I don't blame him for leaving me... but then with all the shit he turned around and put me through... I still loved him, still do.. did he love me? I doubt it. Truly, I doubt it. The Derek situation.... Yeah, I love him. Did he? Nope. You know how I knew/know I loved these guys? I put up with ALL kinds of bullshit, bullshit that hurt me, made me cry, and i still wanted to be with them... that second chance thing, except third, fourth, fifth.... I was always willing to try... people make mistakes... people fuck up, but they're always able to change, it just takes some people longer than others... like i said, where do you draw the line?? When is enough enough, and you just walk away? With lindon, I gave up with the Lexi comment.... My children come first in my world. They always have they always will... and he blames my daughter for why we couldn't be together. Fuck him. It's not worth it. With Derek, it was realizing, he'd never feel the same way for me. He was in love with someone else... will always be in love with that person. She has his heart, and I'll never be able to contend with that. So, i gave up trying to "get him back". It's pointless. It's a battle i wont fight again... When is too much too much though?? I debate dennis. I debate if truly given him a fair chance... there has always been a grudge I've held. I don't know. Right now, I don't know much. I'm wondering if love even exists...Does it? Look at the world... look at everyone... look at the people in your own life... Does love really exist? Or is this another idea created by man to just make us "feel happy".... to make life "worth livnig".... who knows... i sure don't anymore....
