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1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
(This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid. We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)
2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)
3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)
4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?"
(Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these things. Please don't ask again.)
5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)
6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)
7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been there before. The worry never goes away.)
8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you're going through."
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. with a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford taurus with mercedes convertible.)
9. "Wow you must miss him?"
(This one also gets antoher big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)
10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
(I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Muqtada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)
11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)
12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
(hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)
13. "Well in my opinion….."
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a restaurant when I'm out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)
last but not least….
14. "OH, that's horrible…I'm so sorry!"
(He's doing his job and he's tough. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)
If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually deprived for your freedom
Judge: Sonny and Marissa, you know that marriage represents one of the most significant commitments you will make in the course of your lives. These vows you are about to speak are merely an outward symbol of the inward union of hearts which you have already achieved. Remember that it is not the words that you will speak today that bind you together as one: it is the love and trust that each of you feel within yourselves. For your marriage to remain strong, you must share more than love. The foundation of your relationship must include bonds of friendship and respect. Your trust in one another, and your willingness to accept each other's weaknesses as well as each other's strengths, will be the key to a joyful and lasting union. Your life together must begin with nothing less than the utmost of honesty existing between you. Remember that the responsibility for the integrity of this pledge rests only upon your own hearts. If you desire this new estate to be permanent, then cherish your vision of the life you will share. Let it not be tarnished by common events. Believe in your love for one another. It is binding, it is inviolate, and in all human relations, it is the final truth.
The Expression of IntentJudge: Sonny, will you take Marissa as your lawful wedded Wife, to live together in the ordinances and estate of Matrimony? Will you promise to love her and respect her and give her your strengths and ask for hers in return; to support and care for her in times of sadness and in times of celebration; to share with her all that is to come; to be faithful to her and honest with her in everything you do, and give her your trust and your love and ask her to accept you as her Husband. Sonny: I will. Judge: Marissa, will you take Sonny as your lawful wedded Husband, to live together in the ordinances and estate of Matrimony? Will you promise to love him and respect him and give him your strengths and ask for his in return; to support and care for him in times of sadness and in times of celebration; to share with him all that is to come; to be faithful to him and honest with him in everything you do, and give him your trust and your love and ask him to accept you as his Wife? Marissa: I will.
VowsJudge: Sonny take Marissa by the right hand and say to her: I, Sonny take you, Marissa, to be my lawful wedded Wife, to be my friend, my lover, and the mother of my children, I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity. Judge: Marissa, take Sonny by the right hand and say to him: I, Marissa take you, Sonny, to be my lawful wedded Husband, to be my friend, my lover, and the father of my children, I will be yours in times of plenty and in times of want, in times of sickness and in times of health, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care and protect you, to comfort and encourage you, and stay with you, for all eternity.
The Exchange of RingsJudge: Marissa, what token do you offer Sonny of your fidelity to your vow?Marissa: I offer this ring.Judge: Marissa, repeat after me. Marissa: Sonny, this ring I give to you in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.Judge: Sonny do you receive this ring as a token of Marissa’s fidelity to her vow? Sonny: I do.Judge: Sonny, what token do you offer Marissa of your fidelity to your vow?Sonny: I offer this ring.Judge: Sonny, repeat after me. Sonny: Marissa, this ring I give to you in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love.Judge: Marissa do you receive this ring as a token of Sonny's fidelity to his vow? Marissa: I do.
Pronouncement of MarriageJudge: To Sonny and Marissa who have pledged their love and joined their lives, our wish is that they will always radiate the happiness and peace they have today. May they continue to grow in love and understanding and compassion. May their home always be a joyful haven, a place where they most want to be. May their lives always bear witness to the richness of their love. And now by virtue of the authority vested in me, and in conformity with the laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, I hereby pronounce you Husband and Wife. May you live together in unbroken happiness from this day forward and love and fulfull each other always. You may kiss This ceremony is now concluded, but for Sonny and Marissa this is the beginning of a long and joyous life together. I know you will now join with me in congratulating Marissa and groom. I now have the honor of presenting Mr. & Mrs. __Sonny Greene__________.
I was so empty
Self loathing
Before you awoke me
Lived in transgression
Feasted sin
Destroying all I stood for
A world of spreading disease
Legs up for infidelity
The force feed of their stiffened sickness
The promised hiding their rings
To suck down some of the things
That cheat this world into lovelessness
All the pain in this world won't stop us now
For we have each other
All the hate in this world can't tear us apart
This love is forever
In arms we'll turn away
From their ways
We'll live like no other
Together we're hope
Absolute
The only thing that matters
A world of spreading disease
Legs up for infidelity
The force feed of their stiffened sickness
The promised hiding their rings
To suck down some of the things
That cheat this world into lovelessness
All the pain in this world won't stop us now
For we have each other
All the hate in this world can't tear us apart
This love is forever
All the pain in this world won't stop us now
All the hate in this world can't tear us apart
All the pain in this world won't stop us now
For we have each other
All the hate in this world can't tear us apart
This love is forever
Hang up that red dress,
let down your hair,
cancel those reservations
there's no need to go no where.
As good as your looking right now,
girl bet your thinkin I'm crazy,
there's a side of you that I wanna see
that never ceases to amaze me.
Gimmie that girl with the hair in a mess
sleepy little smile with her head on my chest,
thats the you that i like best,
gimmie that girl.
Gimmie that girl lovin up on me,
old t-shirt and a pair of jeans,
thats the you i wanna see,
gimmie that girl.
Gimmie the girl thats beautiful,
without a trace of makeup of on,
barefoot in the kitchen,
singing her favorite song.
Dancing around like a fool,
starring in her own little show,
gimmie the girl the rest of the world,
ain't lucky enough to know.
Gimmie that girl with the hair in a mess
sleepy little smile with her head on my chest,
thats the you that i like best,
gimmie that girl.
Gimmie that girl lovin up on me,
old t-shirt and a pair of jeans,
thats the you i wanna see,
gimmie that girl, gimmie that girl.
Gimmie that girl with the hair in a mess
sleepy little smile with her head on my chest,
thats the you that i like best,
gimmie that girl.
Gimmie that girl lovin up on me,
old t-shirt and a pair of jeans,
thats the you i wanna see,
gimmie that girl, gimmie that girl.
No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for
No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind
[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo
(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do
Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you
Baby, don't turn out the light
I wanna see you look at me
Whisper only truth tonight
Not just promises and empty fantasies
I don't need a bed of roses
'Cause roses wither away
All I really need is honesty
From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am
Baby, I need for you to know
Just exactly how I feel
Fiery passions come and go
I'd trade a million pretty words
For one touch that is real
I don't need a bed of roses
'Cause roses wither away
All I really need is honesty
From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am
From someone with a strong heart
A gentle hand
Who'll take me as I am
Sometimes in life you try to hold on to something with your whole heart until one day you wonder why you are still holding on. Why you still want that one last chance to show a person you can be better and be everything they want. Truth is we all fall in love with the wrong people before we find the right one for us and sometimes you have to break up with someone to realize how much that person meant to you and how much you miss them and sometimes you love someone so much but you know it would be better for both of ya'll if ya'll went seperate ways. Love is tricky and you really never know how much you love someone until they are not there anymore. When you finally find the one for you that person won't judge you for your faults or insecurities instead I mean yes they will notice the things wrong with you but they will not care about those things. Love is not there for your partner to judge you but for your partner to help you and for you to help them. Love is not easy people it won't always be a walk in the park and there will be fights but isn't that what makes it better? If all relationships were perfect and there were no arguments then how would you know that your love can survive all things. Love needs trials to see if it is real. If you can fight with your partner and still go to bed only wanting that person beside you thats love not going to bed because you know you were happy all day long. Relationships take time and effort. I think the movie the notebook has the best quote on love and that is
Young Allie: Stay with you? What for? Look at us, we're already fightin'
Young Noah: Well that's what we do, we fight... You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing.
Young Allie: So what?
Young Noah: So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day.
This movie shows what real love is. They show the bad and the good. They also show that if you work for it then it will all be worth it in the end. I mean come on people you LOVE IS NOT EASY!!!! Personally I wouldn't want it to be. I like knowing that the love I have for a person could survive the worst fight we could have. That it could survive the tears and the words that should never be said. I don't want happy 24/7 then its not worth it. If my love for someone can go through a fight then I know it can go through anything. I mean with out fights you can not have the wonderful make up sex. (lol). If people give up on a relationship when it gets tough you will always wonder what it would have been like if you stuck through it. If everyone gave up on something when it got tough nothing in life would happen. Bridges and buildings would not have been built. Technology would not exsit and new cures for cancer and STD's would not be found. Food would not be produced. So why give up on love and relationships when they get hard? I think it is because we are afraid of giving someone the power to make us cry or the power to break us. So if you think what i wrote is wrong then please tell me but I know that alot of people agree with me.please let me know your thoughts and feelings on this post,i would love to hear them!!
I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh
I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
