Love, Losing, and Finaly Giving In.
Current mood: optimistic
Category: Life
I was sitting down talking to Stephanie last night and told her that I finaly got my divorce papers ready to go out to my wife. She looked at me for a minute and said "does that bother you?". Astonishingly it does a little bit. The bitch of it all is that I really cant say why. I am not in love with her anymore. I really dont like hr much anymore finding out some of the things that I am finding out. I think the biggest thing that bothers me is that we both knew that we were gettting into marriage at an exceptionaly young age. I knew that at least I was going to commit myself completely to my marriage. and I have to be honest to say that we made a relatively good go at it.
What I really hate is failing. Failing at anything. when I was a punk kid I used to really just have the "fuck it" mentality . Now I hate failure. At anything. and failing at something like marriage really bothers me. the worst part of it is, is that I cant explain to people that, yes, I am broken up over my marriage failing, I am no longer broken up about divorcing my wife.
So here I sit. Failed at what was once one of the most important things of my life. But for one last time I am going to say FUCK IT. You live and you learn. maybe one day I will meet someone that loves me as much as I love them and I will have this little test run to know what not to do. But until then I am going to enjoy myself, I am going to go out and enjoy those young years that I never got to have, and best of all, I dont have to try to do it.
