Odi et amoExcrucior's blog: "love is for everybody who isnt me"

Why the fuck do I even bother with people? Every time I start to care for someone I should listen to my instincts and RUN!!!!! I'm tired of bein the "back up plan", "the guy who will always be there" and so forth. I'm tired of putting time and effort into people who care more for themselves than anyone else.WHY do I always get the women with the mental problems? I'm sooo sick of bein the lover AND the psyciatrist. I don't want to keep telling people that things will be ok for them when my life is a complete fucking disaster...and I see NO light at the end of my tunnel...everyday for me is the same soul crushing blackness and despair I've been feeling since I was 17 or so. I try to reassure,support,and guide the people in my life and be "the rock they can set thier back upon".. but I really think that I can't do this anymore...... I am the key to the lock in your house That keeps your toys in the basement And if you get too far inside You'll only see my reflection It's always best when the light is off I am the pick in the ice Do not cry out or hit the alarm You know we're friends till we die And either way you turn I'll be there Open up your skull I'll be there Climbing up the walls It's always best when the light is off It's always better on the outside Fifteen blows to the back of your head Fifteen blows to your mind So lock the kids up safe tonight Put the eyes in the cupboard I've got the smell of a local man Who's got the loneliest feeling That either way he turns I'll be there Open up your skull I'll be there Climbing up the walls Climbing up the walls Climbing up the walls

I wrapped you inside my coat When they came to firebomb the house I didn't feel pain, 'cause no-one can touch me Now that I'm held in your spell A beautiful girl A beautiful girl Can turn your world into dust Sell me a car that goes Sell me a house that stands I never cared before, I never cared before I never cared before, before, before, before A beautiful girl A beautiful girl Can turn your world into dust A beautiful girl A beautiful girl Can turn your world into dust I stood in front of her face When the first bullet was shot

Well it's been quite a week for me....the new yr started of fuckin GREAT!!! good friends good times and good music. spent monday just chillin out recovering from the weekend..nothing exciting..ENTER TUESDAY!!!! (cue dramatic music) Started off by driving all the way to fremont for an appointment to get my window fixed on my car...get there and they over booked so they couldn't get my car in......grrr (not like gas is cheap!!!) so get back to B.G. decide to go to the (s)mall and get me a new book.went and got it. and then on the way home some kid fuckin rear ends me! no damage to the car so I let it go...I got 1 ticket for already for kickin some guys truck door in for clippin the front of my car. so I get home and read for awhile.... Tuesday night..Matt,Dan, and myself decide to go out for martini night @ Skybar..it's been a rough week or so for Dan so it would be good to get out and have some fun..we all had a couple and went back to work out..well that was the plan for me till I got online. I was sittin here bullshitting with someone and made plans for me to come pick her up. so I head out the door and drive up 75 towards Perrysberg. I look down to pick out a new CD to listin to and when I look up......right there is a State Highway Patrolman....... shit i'm doin like 72-75mph. get pulled over and bam!!! DUI ladies and gentelmen..I blow like a .10 on a .08 limit...the cop was actually pretty cool and didn't tow my car and THEN he drops me off @ the place I was going..luckily for me she was still awake or else it would of been a night in jail.......I go to court on monday so I'll let everyone know what happened. Wed and thursday I work nothing exciting there.... Friday....Talk to a lawyer for a bit,then Janelle came over for a few hrs and I took her home bout midnight.get home and wait for Dan and Matt to get off work so we can go work out (BEEFCAKE!!!) as we are heading out the door @ about 3am we hear this chick yelling...no big deal right???????then we hear her yell "stop you're hurting me..OWWWW" then crying. We all looked @ eachother and ran over there.and we see this 6'3" black guy push this small girl down and START KICKING AND STOMPING HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF?!!!! so we call the police and a few min later they arrive and take our statements..ok so the girl decides NOT I repeat NOT!! to press charges on the guy???? ummmmm WHY? Well this DOUCHEBAG as you can already guess had a felony warrent out for his arrest so the cops took him in so at least this asshole got something outta doin that..... As for the Rabbid Squirrels.....watch for em...THEY ARE OUT THERE AND PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION.....they already stalk me @ night........C-YA -J-

A Good Night, The Best In A Long Time A New Friend Turned Me On To An Old Favorite Nothing BetterThan A Dealer Who's High Be High, Concince Them To Buy What's My Drug Of Choice? Well, What Have You Got? I Don't Go Broke And I Do It Alot Seems So Sick To The Hypocrite Norm Running Their Boring Drills But We Are An Elite Race Of Our Own The Stoners, Junkies, And Freaks Are You Happy? I Am, Man Content And Fully Aware Money, Status, Nothing To Me 'Cause Your Life Is Empty And Bare You Can't Understand A User's Mind But Try, With Your Books And Degrees If You Let Yourself Go And Open Your Mind I'll Bet You'd Be Doing Like Me And It Ain't So Bad Say, I Do It Alot!

Follow me into the desert As thirsty as you are Crack a smile and cut your mouth And drown in alcohol Cause down below the truth is lying Beneath the riverbed So quench yourself and drink the water That flows below her head Oh no there she goes Out in the sunshine the sun is mine I shot my love today would you cry for me I lost my head again would you lie for me I left her in the sand just a burden in my hand I lost my head again would you cry for me Close your eyes and bow your head I need a little sympathy Cause fear is strong and love's for everyone Who isn't me So kill your health and kill yourself And kill everything you love And if you live you can fall to pieces And suffer with my ghost Just a burden in my hand Just another anchor on my heart Just a tumor in my head And I'm in the dark So follow me into the desert As desperate as you are The moon is glued to a picture of heaven And all the little pigs have gone Oh no there she goes Out in the sunshine the sun is mine Sun is mine Would you cry for me