What happens when the only person that ever managed to touch your soul is the only person you know you’ll never be able to have in your life? What do you do?
You know you are strong and you hate drama; you usually tell people to be realistic and you even become cynic sometimes, but what can you say to yourself now?
You have never touched that person but every single feeling was so intense…It’s not your ego nor the desire for what you can’t get that make you feel that way, you know that now; you hear your thoughts and you close your eyes as if you’re going to make them disappear that way…You know the truth, you feel silly but you knew all that from the start…It’s too late to blame yourself, you actually feel lucky that you had the chance to meet that person after all cause there were times that this person helped you look deep inside you and find things about you that you were hiding for a long time…That scares you even more…Well actually it doesn’t really scare you any more, it just makes goodbye more difficult…Yes, you thought about it and no matter how much you tried to convince yourself to see it as it is and try to get from all that what you can have, you realize that you can’t act like that…Cause you never were like that…It was always black or white for you…Either you had it all or you had nothing. Is it the right attitude? You don’t know…You don’t even care…That’s how you are…You don’t like to fool yourself with small portions…You want to go straight to the source. And since that can’t be done, you say goodbye.
It hurts…Your eyes get heavy and some tears run down to your cheeks, but you know that’s the right thing to do before it gets worse. You don’t know what does your goodbye make the other really feel, deep inside you, you believe that he doesn’t feel as sad as you do but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Well, does it? Since you let that person get close to you and then you realized how attached you were to him and decided to say goodbye why should it matter if he also felt all that about you or not? Think about it…It could just make it easier for you. He was playing, you bought it, that’s how it usually works, so forget about it and look around you. No, not to try to find someone that you can communicate the same way as you could with him…Just look around and smile and keep that person that you so much loved in your heart…Say hello to the “real” world and be sure that even if he didn’t really mean all of the things he told you, he probably meant some of them, there were probably some times that you were to him as special as he was to you…You can’t blame him either…If he was real, that makes him even more special. If he was playing, he could probably never believe that his words meant so much to you…That he was talking straight to your heart…That you want to hold him tight and never let him go cause you still feel that you need him…
