blueyes4u's blog: "LooseCanon"

The wars in the Middle East have touched us all. However my thoughts and prayers go out to those of you who have loved ones involved on a daily basis... You march with them literally 'in their boots' via an emotional, spiritual, protective bubble of loving concern. Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day... Military service, especially in the gravest conditions as our brave hero's face today, is a selfless act each soul makes in the decision to participate, giving at the very minimum, a portion of their young lives too... The personal commitment these men and women make is one of tangible love. Not only their immediate loved ones, but like a stone dropped in water, a rippling sacrifice spreading across the entire United States, and the world for that matter, in perfect, unending, protective resolve.... ...Ones political, social, personal 'view' of the state of the world today is irrelevant in regard to this.... Political Science and the battle to control the pendulum of the popular conscience consent of the American people is always subject to change, and amounts to dust in the wind when compared to the sacrifice of the individual... Centuries fall by the waste side, empires rise and fall, social values come and go, but the short condensed microcosm of a human life time... The commitments, choices, values, one individual makes.... That,... is what gives meaning to the concept of humanitarianism.... The final totality of the human race, will never be accurately weighted by any simple means of 'mass conscience'... It is the individual that makes us unique...It is the individual that makes us valuable... ...And so, it is to the individual's in our armed forces I wish to salute.... To their choice...To their commitment,...to their sacrifice of love.

The love of my life is near,...here,...right here,... in my soul,.... Thoughts of her dictate my heart beat. She is illusive, a constant wet dream flirting between conscious and subconscious....triggering my smiles, my laughter, my response to life,....my reflexion,....my pain, my compassion. She deprives me,...she uplifts me,....she hurts me,...she fills me,....causing my soul to ache, causing my body to tremble.... ...I have nothing to give her...and she the same.... ...There is only the constant burning, throbbing desire to "take"...Take her body to feed my body, take her soul to meld with mine....My love is a selfish love, a self centered love, bordering on decadence, full of lust, concern, and worry..... She is my yin,...she is my yang.....She is the vesicle by which I launch my vision to the world.. She is the beginning, the end, and the bell that tolls the hours of my day.

I am the kind a guy who wakes up in the morning and feels invincible.. Like there is nothing I can't do... I've been known to remodel an entire room in the house before anybody else wakes up... Yep, the energizer bunny...That's me. Only problem is I'm not invincible. In fact, the same guy that wakes up everyday with a constant hard on, is the same guy who last night just before he snuffed out his last cigarette of the day, lit the filter end by mistake. My latest scheme was to take two disabled women in wheelchairs for an outing to Balboa Park. That's in San Diego. Next to the zoo. The women are living in a Skilled Nursing Facility (nursing home) in a suburb of Diego. I didn't just walk in and pick out two strangers either. Which to my credit means I actually gave this idea some forethought instead of doing my usual 'fools rush in' approach. One of the women's name is Shirley and the other is Donna..... Shirley is sixty two years and Donna is maybe forty five. Donna is a slim five nine redhead with milk white skin and big blue eyes that.....adore me... Shirley is five seven and about two hundred pounds... Both of these women are spiritually evolved souls.. Even with all they must bear at this time of their lives they can still laugh, smile, and appreciate... What they have in common is that they are room mates in the facility,....and me. Donna has lived in this home for five years.... Shirley for six weeks. Shirley is my divorced wife.... Divorced from marriage, however still the best of friends. I have been blessed with her friendship for over twenty years, and am much the better for knowing her... Donna on the other hand is a stranger. The first day Shirley became a resident I visited and learned that in the entire five years Donna has lived at this facility she had never once been outside. She didn't trust the staff or the other residences to risk being forgotten and had bad visions of expiring outside in the courtyard alone in the dark... Just Donna and her wheel chair... That changed the first day I visited... For some unknown reason Donna trusted me from the first moment... I told her I was taking Shirley outside so she could enjoy a cigarette and would Donna like to go outside also?.... She immediately said "yes please" in her soft as a mouse voice... I swear to God, no less than fifty people at the home were rubber necking, and commenting that "Donna is going outside" as we wheeled our way to the outer door. I visit every other day to the home and Donna always goes outside. Once a week, usually Thursday, I bring the two ladies food from the outside world. This is a big deal cuz it's what ever they order.... Donna is a Italian food lover, and Shirley usually orders Chinese. I got them Direct TV for their room. Each has their own receiver so they can channel jockey with out annoying one another. Enough stroking my own ego (somebody needs to slap me sometimes) and back to the Balboa Park outing. Or should I be honest here and call it what it was?... Fiasco..comes to mind.... Shirley can walk...I mean she can get from her wheelchair into and out of a car pretty much independently.... Not the case with Donna...She weights only about 120 lbs. So no big deal right?.... This is what I mean about me, waking up feeling invincible..... I wore a back brace that day... I am not completely out of touch with reality.... Hurt my back several years ago while working as a landscaper and have learned the hard way how to protect myself. I was ok picking her up out of the chair, but leaning over to get her into the front seat of my Honda.... The roof is too low man, and I really banged the hell out of my forehead cuz I was so worried about my fragile package... I saw stars and think I made a quick loop around the universe and back before I grabbed the door to steady myself...... Really smooth LooseCanon.... So I get in the car right? My hands are shaking, my head is throbbing, and now I know just how Donna feels about going 'outside'. Anyway, I blow it off cuz I am a man and I don't want to freak out two already freaked out girls... I mean, it wouldn't be cool,..and I am always about the cool... No brag, just fact. We get to Balboa Park, and it's a nice day. Big white clouds mixed with blue skies, a soft breeze, not cold at all. I park next to the zoo entrance cuz, always thinking ahead, I know the lanes into the park here are pretty level. Shirley has assured me she can scoot along using her feet as propellers. I just have to manage Donna's wheelchair and get Shirl out of the occasional bad spot. We hit the Spanish Arts Center, one of my favorite haunts... Lots of artisans hanging out in quaint little shops with the coolest stuff made from anything from tree bark to exotic gold jewelry. The folks working these art galleries are always busy doing their thing, and come on to you real lay back and mellow..... I've done this kind of thing in a past period of my life and I can tell you... They are really sweating it inside. Hoping against hope your going to buy something, any damn thing so they don't have to close up later feeling totally depressed. It a tough, scary, insecure, way to go...Man, I got so much respect for all of them... Donna is in a lot more pain than I realized... The foot square tile pavers all over the Spanish Art Center are bumpy and she feels everyone. It must have shaken something loose cuz next thing I know, ....she's got to "pee"....... Like I said Donna is a stranger, and Shirley,...God bless her, can be of no help on this one..... I think it safe to say Donna and I are no longer strangers after today. We tooled around and made it over to the Organ Pavilion. I am sweating by now as it turns out there are no actual level spots at Balboa Park. It just appears that way to the casual visitor, the untrained eye, or those that think their invincible... The girls are munching on tacos and sodas while I lay down on some really pretty green lawn. You can't really appreciate all grass has to offer until you lay down on your back, resting your bones..Looking at the faces in the clouds peering back at you with a big "I told you so" grin on their faces. The girls ask me why I am not eating with them....Like I am disin' them or something...Kind a pouty.. Like I just turn down sex with em or something.... ...I tell em I ain't hungry... Truth is I am afraid I'll puke cuz I am tired, hot, and horny, but not for them... I just want to get done with this whole thing and go home.... It's cruel to the capacitated when the disabled try to show how much they can do for them selves... Yea, I know, it's a self esteem thing and all... In this case however, a woman's got to know her limitations. Shirley is always pulling this and it aggravates me cuz ninety percent of the time it escalates into a hassle. I don't mean between us, we actually hardly ever fight. In all our years together we only had one major blow out.... I mean, it causes complications.. On one hand it's healthy for her and I've got to grow up to it.... On the other, it wears me out... I am laying on the grass right? Catching my breath, resting my eyes, slowing down the heart rate. Feeling the sweat on my brow drying up when I hear the soft mouse voice of Donna calling my name... She doesn't have a lot of emotion in that voice I must say... I casually answer "yea?", and after a couple of seconds I look up to her pointing a rail thin arm toward the horizon... First I think she playing 'let's make a sundial'. Being a smart enough fella I look where she's referring and see Shirley's run away wheel chair hauling down a thirty percent grade... Napkins flying off, taco wrapping flapping in the wind. Paper plate laying next to the trash can she felt compelled to discard her used utilities into...'All by her self'.... I caught up to her..My left knee will never be the same. A nice guy saw the whole thing going down before I ever got off the grass and saved the day.... I am thanking the guy, Shirley is crying and thanking the guy, and I am noticing how my damn knee is giving me the third degree... Like there's just bone on bone holding it together when I put weight on it.... Anyway the nice guy and his girlfriend go strutting off..(he's getting some tonight, I can tell)...... I get,..... to push Shirley (that's the two hundred pound Shirley) back up the hill... ......God hates me.

Believe it or not, LooseCanon's never been much of a chatter. Now with blog sites, friend chat sites, dating sites, I am hammering the keyboard everyday... I even managed to get a 'instant message' software to work on this thing...It took awhile..I got 'dial up'...Go ahead, say it.."Get up to speed Grandpa"...Feel better? It's not my fault really...Living in the sticks I am too far out for cable or DSL...It's not a 'viable business decision' for big outfits to extend themselves into rural areas.. There is the advent of satellite coming down the pike though... I may find a way to get some major Kb's yet...It's expensive though. I will probably have to trudge on with 28Kb's for another year or so considering the pay check I get in the 'writing industry'... Oh that reminds me...I wonder why on my blog sites all the front page ads are about sex sites? I don't have a single Greenpeace, Save the Environment, or World Hunger ad going... Maybe it's my bad...I've got to do something about that... Not only is it demeaning to my blog front page, but more importantly, I've got serious work to do here...Especially with 'dial up' I can't be clicking on that nonsense and waiting for the page to load just to see if it's worth it...Damn.. That kind of diversion wastes the whole day.. However I digress... The thing is... With the whole chat culture...The virtual culture.. I don't understand the abbreviated lingo. I think I got "LOL" down... It's lots of love, or maybe lots of luck.. Maybe it changes depending on what's in the massager's mind at the time... A lot of messages I get have three or more letters staring at me never to be explained, leaving me a bit anxious... I don't know until I read the note if I am getting a love stroke or a FO. It's not that anyone has FO'd me... In fact everyone has been really nice and supportive. I guess I'll learn to relax about that and just look forward to opening my messages..... Soon as I get to that mellow state,...that's when I'll get FO'd. Sometimes I 'get it' right off, like the other day I got a 'omfg'. It was like I was in tune with the mind of the sender cuz it was right there in my head... Most of the time though, I stare at those kind of letters for what seems to be,too damn long. Trying this, trying that, until eventually I shrug and move on... A lot of folks send pictures that get posted in my comment section. These pictures are a example of the new visual communication that seems to be sweeping the world... I was watching TV the other day, and I noticed how advertisers use A picture is worth a thousand words concept to make a statement... It's fast, sensational, and kind of sheds some light on us as a society... Eight years ago I worked for a telephone company here in California setting up Digital Subscriber Lines. More commonly know as DSL...At the time I was on a tiny team of twenty folks in an office of five hundred service reps. Our little group was viewed by many as S.E.T.I. is by scientist in the field of astronomy....Out there...Not really producing much.... We had just one thing going for us that kept the Corporate office off our backs.... People want to go faster..... I didn't say anything about the nagging concern that kept raising it's ugly head in the back of my mind during my entire five year career at Pacific Bell,SBC,AT&T. After all one doesn't want to bite the hand that feeds ya.... That part of my life is gratefully over with and it's okay to say it... Hard line telephone companies are doomed to failure..... The advent of wireless communication was the future back then and an industry with all their infrastructure built on lan lines has no viable means to compete. The best AT&T can do today is buy into a piece of another company's wireless network and pathetically hold on to a disintegrating customer base with lame marketing technics like "all your services on one billing".... Anyway, I wonder if there is a chat lingo dictionary out there that novice's like me can master.. It would be kind of nice...If I fill out a job application I could put 'chat lingo' as a second language once I got up to speed... I got to get LOL down anyway... It's as common as spit.. My Grandson says it's "Laugh out loud".... Ok that makes sense,...but so does "Log off Loser"... Maybe I am more adapt with numbers opposed to letters....69 for example. I see this flag waved on user names in epidemic porportions. I guess with the Baby Boomer glut of the population this is a reflexion of the post Hippy era... Still it's a but confusing to me.... I like Jimmy Hendricks and all,...but who'd of thought "IF SIX TURNED OUT TO BE NINE" would be so popular a tune after all these years?

The planet Saturn is blowin everybody away right now. 20 years ago Voyager 1 and 2 saw a perfect hexagon shape 1,500 miles wide over the north pole of the planet. This is a bit strange cuz there is a constant grand a mile per hour hurricane blowin on Saturn every day. The South pole looks fine, or like it should, you know, a huge eye of the huricane circular in shape, like what you'd expect. First NASA scientists figured the hexagon at the north was just a fluke, or like a mirage playing with our limited perceptions. The bets are off now with the new Cassini spacecraft shootin pictures of the north pole and the hexagon is still there. "We haven't seen a (geometric) feature like this anywhere else on any other planet," said Cassini scientist Kevin Baines of the NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. "It's unbelievable." I figure the Saturnites must be freakin out right now. They go and spend all this time and money to create the ultimate "keep out" sign by manufacturing and maintaining a hurricane like condition on the face of the planet so off worlders like us will take a peek and say "too windy" then move on. There's no doubt in my mind they know we're lookin. I mean come on, the center of the hexagon has no wind at all and its a straight shot down the funnel to the interior of the planet. Those guys are lookin up at our spacecraft shootin pictures, tryin to figure out if the piece of garbage floatin around their planet is going to fall right through the hexagon and hit them in the head. Da shit'ah goin'ah hit da fan'ah if we don't at least ask if we can "poke" around in somebody's back yard. Didn't one of those Voyager spacecraft like,...suddenly crash..or disappear? Maybe I am thinkin of one of the Mars probes....Probably got them pissed at us too. You can check this out at Discovery.com and draw your own conclusions. I think it's kind of strange that one of Saturn's moon's Enceladus is "opening up" blowin out huge plumes of ice and water into space. www.saturndaily.com Like if we had the capasity to stage our millitary defenses on our Moon instead of painting big bull's eye targets on our underground silo's in Colorado, wouldn't we do it? Man those Saturnites got to be some cold blooded folk...That big bitch is like..out there, man, far away from the warm rays of the Sun. I got it! Maybe we'll luck out on this deal....You know like in War of the Worlds, the aliens couldn't handle the bacteria around here.....Maybe when the Saturnites invade us they will like....just melt.

So I am riding my motorcycle the other day and I look in a side mirror to check for traffic. I see my face in the mirror and am disappointed that my mustache appears so....grayish..."Damn I look old," I say. I remember being in a drug store one time and seeing a product for men that is a hair coloring for mustache and beards. I go get a box of this stuff 'light brown' to match my natural color. It seems that the obligations in my life, especially to the people I care for and love, not to mention the animals, keeps me in constant state of, short on time, too much to do...In the case of buying hair dye it's no exception. I ran into the drug store on my way to work and grabbed it. I took about 30 seconds reading the instructions while driving the rest of the way to work. Speaking of work, I am a meat cutter in a market, used to be called a butcher in the day when markets bought half beef sides and cut the poor thing up into all kinds of product. Now days shops get cases of precut chunks of beef and the meat cutters make steak, roast,and all the rest. My schedule the day of the mustache coloring incident was 1:30pm to 10pm, so by the time I get home I am tired, hungry, and really just want to go to sleep. However, coupled with the desire to call it a day is the anxiety of looking at that gray mustache in the mirror the next morning, so I decide to do the color job quickly and have a surprise for my self when I wake up. I hurry mixing up the stuff and using a provided brush comb the goo into my mustache and even my eyebrows to get a balance sort of to speak. I go to bed and crash after watching about fifteen minutes of a movie. Next day I wake up and remember to check my new look. I walk into the bathroom and take a look. Groucho Marks is staring back at me in the mirror! This is the darkest light brown in history! I grab the instructions and for the first time really read them, at least the English part, cuz as usual, it's got fifteen other languages included. I get as far as "leave the coloring on for a maximum of five minutes" and choke on my stupidity. Reading further, I find one is too use shampoo to wash out the color and give it a nice 'natural' look. Shit. I start scrubbing the mustache and eyebrows with mega doses of shampoo for about five minutes at a time and washing it out then checking the result. After fifteen minutes of pure panic I begin to see (or possibly imagine) an improvement. Then I notice the liquid laundry detergent sitting near by and think, "hey, that stuff has bleach in it, right?, yea, baby"!...I am pouring the stuff straight on the wash cloth now and scrubbing the hell out of the effected areas...I go to wash the stuff out with the hot water and get the shock of my life. Ever go to the beach and get a major sunburn then make the mistake of a hot shower after? A thousand pins and needles, right? My skin around my mouth got so irritated it started bleeding. I went to work that day and every body was double taking me, then saying it looks....nice. Maybe the lesson learned here is to slow down, or perhaps it's meant to teach me to accept my self as I am, or maybe it's none of those and I am just analyzing too much...One thing it did do that is no denying, it gave a few people in my life something to laugh about, and that makes it all worth while.

My front yard has a pine tree that is seventy-five feet tall if it's a foot. It's so tall the branches don't start growing out of the trunk for the first twenty feet up. You wouldn't know it's even there unless you notice the trunk, or just happen to 'look up' for what ever reason... It's not serving me any purpose at all. I mean,.. it's a pine tree. It doesn't make pine-apples, just pinecones, and their not even the kind a person with a whole lot of time on their hands could possibly make Xmas decorations with. It's a pinon pine and the cones resemble little "dog logs" laying around on the ground. In fact, I've tripped over my self a few times around here thinking I am about to step in dog doo-doo, and while quickly side stepping around it, trip and step on it anyway, wrenching by back then damning the thing cause it fooled me into thinking it was a puppy nugget. It's like,.. I am more miffed about being 'fooled' than the option of squishy dog goo pasted on the bottom of my boot....weird..... The tree doesn't even provide shade, except maybe for the Moon, cause it's too damn tall. We get the Santa Ana winds through here sometimes up to ninety miles an hour. For the first five years I lived here I couldn't go to sleep at night during those winds cause I was terrified that tree was going to break in half and land on the roof of the house killing everybody inside. Worse than that, the direction of the prevailing wind threatened the house next door to me even more than my place. I just knew I was going to wake up one day to cops pounding at my front door waiting to enlighten me my snapped tree caved in the entire roof of the neighbors house killing their precious puppy. But this tree is a survivor. It's withstood the test of time. Draught, blistering heat, fifteen degree winter nights, and year after year of the March and November monster winds. Matter of fact, this house was built in 1952, the year I was born. I figure the tree was planted about the same time, so it's as old as I am. It's lived here a heck of a lot longer than me too. So there lies the rub..... Yea, I could climb up to the top of the thing with a chain saw strapped to me and take it down a little at a time until there's nothing left but a little stump to set a bird feeder on. Or, because I am afraid of heights, I have thought of tieing a big link chain around it and pulling it down with my pickup. Right down on the road then cut the sucker up and provide California with enough heat to solve the 'energy crisis'. But then I think about it and.....what gives me the right?... The tree has done me no wrong. It's a testament to the will to survive actually. Besides, I'd probably just bend it over pulling it with the truck turning it into a humungous archery bow until the truck lost traction and it and I were slung shot off the ground flying clean over the house and landing square on top of the neighbors house behind me....Bummer,..it's a no win situation. Anyway, for some unknown reason animals come here. Every pet that has adopted me just came here. I open the front door and dogs are sitting there waiting for me to take them in. Cats, whole litters of cats fall out of the ceilings. Every freak within twenty miles that can't 'deal' with their pet drops it off here, cause "those people will take it in". Now I got turkey buzzards living in the pine tree. At the very top of the pine tree. It started last year around this same time. I go outside to go to work and my car is covered in bird 'excrement'. I mean it looks like somebody spray painted my entire car in a cheap quality white wash. It gets a 'little annoying' having to hang my head out the driver door window to make it up to the local gas station so I can use their squeegee to wash bird droppings off my windshield.. And, of course there are the leers and snickers from the 'easily amused' at the gas station when I pull up... Why is it in a town of four hundred people, three hundred and ninety of them have to show up at the gas station just as I am pulling in with my car covered in bird crap? Last year after about a month of this....poop, I just kept a garden hose in the front with a high power nozzle on the end, and every lovely day I would just stand there hosing down the car while the turkey buzzards watched. I know they finally left sometime in mid May. The weather finally heated up enough they didn't need the tree anymore to catch the first sunlight of the day to warm them up. I know this because one day in May I went out and turned on the hose to do my daily 'thing' and it was hotter than Hades outside. The bird poop was there of course and when the water hit the windshield that day I heard a cracking sound. I looked closer and there was this big long crack in my windshield that wasn't there a minute ago. I guess the heat of the day got the windshield hot and the cold water hitting it...... Still got the crack in my windshield, it's slowly gotten bigger and bigger. One of these days I am going to use the squeegee at the gas station and my whole windshield will just cave right in and be sitting on my front seat with me standing there holding the dripping squeegee in my hand....(snicker, snicker, leer, leer). I don't know man, ...these...birds are, well...kind of majestic in their own way. If you get up early and drive around Lake Morena when the sun is still new in the sky you'll see these turkey buzzards sitting on top of telephone poles along side the road. They will be perched there facing the sun and have their wings stretched completely out warming themselves. Some of em have a six foot wing span, and they have a kind of Egyptian quality to them when their doing that. Like their worshiping the sun or something. It's actually pretty cool. So now I got them back again this year... I went out a couple of days ago and the tarp covering my motorcycle was all covered in,..you know. Chafed me right off cause the Santa Ana was blowing, the car is 'white washed', the side of the truck is spattered, and the front tire of my bike is all white. I just cleaned and polished the frigging bike the day before. The tarp has one mission in life,.. to blow off the bike so the buzzards have a bigger target and I am trying to secure the thing to the bike while dogging periodic bird smart bombs. I get the feeling the 'easily amused' at the gas station aren't the only ones doing the snickering...

Yep, some guys feed their male ego with quads, dune buggies, dirt bikes, toy haulers, high performance trucks and motorhomes, and that's just for the desert season. Summertime the 'river rat' crowd takes the lead with jet skis, power boats, and God knows what all. Half the fun is tooling up the road showin off the toys. I bet these guys get a hard on every time they pass a rig 'less than'. What can i say, i am just as guilty. My thing is vacuum cleaners. Yea,i admit it, i'm a vacuum cleaner junkie. Buy probably three or four used ones a year. Got to, cuz I am real tough on em. No mercy. Any given day one can see me blastin around the house drivin one of these big dogs, doin wheelies, dounuts, bashin in to walls, suckin it up baby, big time. Take for instance this little slice of heaven i just picked up for fifteen bucks! A bad ass DIRT DEVIL with high performance 12 amp power plant, hepa filter, bagless technology, swivel casters, and canister accessories all standard! Not to mention the wide angle headlight. I think i'm gettin an erection! I took this sweetheart for a test drive this mornin after cleaning and polishing it's illustrious hunter green body, and wow what a rush! Made my entire day by 8:30 am! Yep, I am a material boy livin in a material world.