Over 16,525,466 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
She nudges me in the side "Did you leave me?" Breaking from my little daydream I quickly recover "No, I was busy thinking about the price of tea in China. This year is going to be great. Too bad I sold my company Tea of China. I would have made out like a bandit."
"Oh? You're a stock broker?"
"No, in a freak inheritance, I was given stock in Tea of China and I lost it on that fateful weekend in a poker game." Actually, I had to sell the company in order to keep my blood flowing.
Years ago, I received a letter in snailmail. Back when I had paper envelopes & stamps in stockpiles. Nowadays it's all about logging on, checking inbox, deleting/flagging spam. The letter was from the law offices of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe, I thought "Damn, I knew I should have made them sign that waiver." Upon reading, I can see it wasn't the case. The lawyers inform me I'm in a will of an obscure relative and I need to show up on this date for details.
On appointed day, I showed up not knowing what to expect. Walking into conference room, I can see it is filled with my other obscure relatives. They seem to have $ $ for eyes. They are giving me the once over and I can see they do not approve. Fuck'em. they're obscure.
The lawyers walk in and begin reading of the will. At the end of the reading, the obscure relatives with $ $ eyes start yelling expletives at me, questioning my parentage & threating bodily harm. I politely tell them "You'll hear from my lawyers, Emerson, Lake & Palmer." What they are so upset about is that I made out like a bandit. The old guy hated his close relatives, they were nothing but money-grubbers and hated him. But loved his money and he knew the score. So his last joke was on them. He hired a P.I. and they found me. I inherited over half million dollars & company named Tea of China. Before I left the lawyers gave me the address of company. It is located in Reno, Nevada. Reno?
I hate flying in a plane powered by rubber bands, so I drove to Reno. The address lead me to building on the outskirts of town. "Tea of China Massage Parlor" in goudy lights. Great, what I've always wanted.
Walking in the lady behind the desk greets me warmly but well rehearsed "Welcome to Tea of China..." I hold up my hand and tell her "Don't bother. I'm here to talk with your manager. Get them now." She is indignant with good reason but like a good worker, she fetches her boss. Looking around the waiting room, I notice 1970's oriental artwork. Red dragons with gold outline guarding forbidden treasure from invading hordes, smokey women in various positions playing hard to get from lustful men. On bamboo. Beaded curtains galore, it serves a purpose. It announces your arrival or your departure.Just what you need in a massage palor.
The manager arrives dressed in a stylish komino, although well worn & faded colors. She is a barmaid beauty. Sultry appearance in darken environment but in harsh daylight, you can see the years she has spent on this planet. "Do you have a complaint? Or are you here to collect your "proTECTion money?"
"Two things. He's dead and I was in his will."
"Come into my office" she says as if she was the spider and I was the fly. I guess old habits never die.
Walking through the beaded curtains I notice the various aromas, the incense, massage oil, sex & candy. Her office had a solid door, I guess she couldn't stand the smell either. Sitting behind the desk, she doesn't offer me a chair. So I sit on the loveseat comfortably.
"He finally departed this realm. Why are you here, come to get your Owner's Discount?" she asks. With disdain no less.
"No, I'm here to find out what I inherited. Now I know. How's business? Making money hand-over-fist? Or should I say ass-over-balls?"
"Crude little boy, it is a good thing I got underwear older than you or else I'd be offended."
(seriously?)
"As I was saying, I'm the new owner and just came by to see what is what. I can see you're doing a bang-up job of running this place. No offense. You can keep your job."
"Well, thank you. That is very generous of you. Since you're letting me keep my job. I'll get my best girl to give you a massage. On the house, of course."
"Thank you but wouldn't I be fucking myself out of getting paid?"
"Crude boy, you're lucky I'm in a good mood today or I'd be ordering my boys to give you a massage. I guarantee you, it would be all accupunture." I can see by the gleam in her eye, I was treading on thin ice. Then one of her "boys" steps out of the shadows behind her. 6 foot 4 and 200 lbs of satan. I thought this will be the oportune time to get rid of this business.
"Since my presence offends you, how about we settle this in friendly game of poker. Here are the stakes. If I win, I'll let you keep your job & all the earnings. If you win, you get to own Tea of China out right."
That was 2 years ago and I am still intact.
She says "Well, too bad you've lost out on that fortune. I hear wars have been fought and won over the prices of tea in China."
"Well, that is one war I'm glad I avoided."
