David Webb's blog: "LOL"

When girls drink too much, they… 1. …have absolutely no idea where their purse is. 2. …believe that dancing with their arms overhead and wiggling their butt while yelling “woo-hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around. 3. …have suddenly decided that they want to kick someone’s butt and honestly believe they could do it too. 4. …In their last trip to pee, they realize that they now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess they were just four hours ago 5. …start crying and telling everyone they see that they love them sooooo much. 6. … get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because “oh my god! I love this song!” 7. …have found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to them. 8. …have suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it. 9. …yell at the bartender, who they believe cheated them by giving them just lemonade, but that’s just because they can no longer taste the vodka. 10. …think they are in bed, but their pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor (or the mop?) 11. …fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when they sit on it. 12. …take their shoes off because they believe it’s their fault that they’re having problems walking straight.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. . . Kill her!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. There was screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

Divert Your Course This is an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the chief naval operations, 10-10-95. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship, I say again, Divert YOUR course. Canadians: No, I say again, you divert your course. Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that’s one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call

Potentially and Realistically?' A young boy went to his father and asked,' What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?' The father answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Denzel Washington for one million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Sean 'Puffy' Combs for one million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned. So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Denzel Washington for one million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would. I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that!' Then the boy went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Sean 'Puffy' Combs for one million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my gosh! I'd be nuts to pass that up!' The boy thought about it and went back to his dad. His father asked him if he'd found out the difference between 'potentially and realistically.' The boy replied, 'Yes. 'Potentially' we're sitting on two million dollars, but 'realistically' we're living with two ho's

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