A study in Flakiness as a reflection of a lack of Integrity by *kttn*
Integrity, as defined by Wikipedia: “the basing of one's actions on an internally consistent framework of principles. Depth of principles and adherence of each level to the next are key determining factors. One is said to have integrity to the extent that everything he does and believes is based on the same core set of values. While those values may change, it is their consistency with each other and with the person's actions that determine his integrity.
The concept of integrity is directly linked to responsibility in that implementation spawning from principles is designed with a specific outcome in mind. When the action fails to achieve the desired effect, a change of principles is indicated. Accountability is achieved when a faulty principle is identified and changed to produce a more useful action”.
Per the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, “Integrity is one of the most important and oft-cited of virtue terms”. I would most certainly agree with this, as it is a person’s integrity in which judgments of a person’s character are made. If a person lacks integrity, they may also not be trustworthy, dependable, etc.
With this said I have to admit that I am both amazed (not in a good way) and perplexed at flakiness (herein defined as a lack of integrity or LOI) and how it consumes my world as far as interactions with others. Overall in my assessment of things, I still believe that I love meeting new people. The excitement of finding a kindred spirit in this world, sharing thoughts and beliefs (whether you agree or disagree does not truly matter so much) and the sheer ability and opportunity to communicate with another person in a honest, upfront no bullshit format is a high for me.
Admittedly, I “meet” quite a few people that there is no excitement on any level to be communicating and interacting with them. Then again I have set up many opportunities to meet new people that seem interesting, and bring a lot of value to the table (as far as being worth taking the time to get to know); however those meetings either never take place or end up being something completely different than what was discussed and there is no reason ever given as to why on either account as to why the person just flaked. Flaked in this instance indicating that the person 1) lied, 2) misrepresented themselves, 3) Set expectations that they did not follow through upon (whether they knew at the time of creating the expectations of whether they would follow through or not, is not known), and 4) shown a lack of integrity with their behavior.
This type of behavior is what brings me to write today. I am saddened that people behave in this a way. I often wonder how these types of people manage to function in society when they lack the ability to follow through on commitments, and then lack the desire or ability to communicate back regarding their inability to follow through. I guess I have lived my life around a misnomer that if I were to behave in the way that I want those around me to behave, then it will come to fruition. When I review my own behavior, I definitely have to acknowledge that I am by no means perfect. I have made plans to do things that the consequences were completely out of my control, and in some instances I have not communicated to the person what happened with me and I assuredly came across as a completely psycho inconsistent person suffering from a lack of integrity. But I see the wrong in what I have done, and tried to better it. I do my best to make my commitments, to be in touch with those I’m committed to when I am unable to make it, and so on.
But also in a review of my own behavior, never once have I set expectations that a certain chain of events was going to occur and then just disappear. This sort of situation is seemingly as difficult to describe as it is to fathom. But lets say for example’s sake a girl meets a guy in an online forum for meeting people that have similar interests. They communicate via the forum or alternative means and determine that they would both be interested in meeting face to face. Upon meeting face to face (outside of all the drama that occurred to get to that point not to be discussed in detail here) they get along splendidly, have similar interests and views about life, interactions, goals, etc and decide that they would like to continue interacting face to face. They go to dinner; they spend time together, exchange emails and text messages on a regular basis for a period of time. Suddenly, one of the two parties in this scenario, disappears. No more emails, no text messages. They don’t return communication when communication is attempted. Its over, and it hadn’t even begun. There was no explanation, its just time to move on.
WHAT THE HELL?????
Could someone please explain to me where the people go? What happened to them? Obviously they didn’t die in some awful car wreck or from a fatal disease that they didn’t disclose, because they are seen as active in the forum (that was mentioned previously) once again. Appearances in the forum suggest that they were seemingly unhappy with the match-pick they made, and unannounced determined it was time to look for something else. THIS is lack of integrity folks. There is NO REASON on the planet to just walk away from someone without at least clueing in the other party that you have departed and won’t be returning. Your seat has been vacated for whatever reason and is free to be available to a more emotionally available, worthy party that is FULL of integrity.
