hauntedspirit's blog: "lmao"

http://www.funny.com/funny?fn=CFUHI Note* You may need to bring a trustworthy friend to do a couple of these. 1. Go to order a large popcorn(like the biggest one they have). When they give it to you, look at it, then throw it on the floor angrily and start crying for no reason. 2. Wait until there's a funny part in the movie. When the laughter starts to die down, scream at the top of your lungs. 3. Before the movie starts, sit near the front. Start moaning loudly and dancing wildly. 4. At the end of the movie, when the credits are rolling, stand up quickly and try to convince everyone that there's a secret scene before the credits end. While everyone stays to watch the "Secret Scene"(which does not exist) stand up and leave without anyone noticing. 5. Pretend to cough wildly and die when the trailers are playing. 6. If the theater is packed and a stranger sits next to you, go "Oh my god, is... is that you?" From here you can take many approaches. One is,"I haven't seen you in ages! Give your buddy a hug!" Another is,"You lying bastard! What the hell were you thinking?" Angrily move to another seat if you choose the latter. 7. Try to see how many pieces of popcorn you can put in the hair of the person in front of you without them noticing. 8. Come inside the theater in the middile of a movie. Walk along the front where evertone can see you. Trip and fall, then quietely slip out of the theater. 9. During the movie, keep turning around to look at the person behind you in an annoyed manner. 10. Get a group of friends to walk into a theater as a crowd of zombies. Limp and moan your way to your seats. 11. Go to the front where you buy the tickets. Order tickets for 3 different movies that all start at the same time. When the ticket seller asks you about this, walk out and don't come back. 12. Wear a really tall hat and sit in front of someone. When they ask you to take it off, take out a pair of scissors and start destroying the hat. 13. Wear and eyepatch and buy some popcorn. When your in the theater, ask everyone around you in a sinister voice(and a British accent) "Would you... would like some of my...my popcorn Sir or Madame?" Say the Sir or Madame part to everyone, even if you know if it's a man or woman. 14. Shout one word: FIRE!!! Then run. 15. Sit in the back and bring a water bottle. In the middle of the movie, say very loudly, "Damn, when is this movie gonna end? Gotta pee. Gotta pee!" Open the water bottle slightly and spray the people near you. 16. Wait until someone sits next to you. Wait a while, then pretend to fall asleep. Snore in an annoying way and drool as much as you can. 17. Get a cell phone and put the volume all the way up. Get the ringtone from the series 24 if possible. If you can't get that ringtone, get one that sounds very proffesional and serious. Have a friend call you during a quiet scene. Answer it loudly and say, "Damn it! They're here... right now? I knew this day would come." Get up to leave and before you exit say, "Ladies and gentlemen, there's no need to be alarmed. Now I need you to listen to me. STAY IN THIS THEATER UNTIL I COME BACK." Then run out humming the Mission Impossible theme. 18. Near the end of the movie, say "Holy elevators Batman!" then run out. 19. Sit at the top and block the projection with your hand. 20. After the movie ends, run to the bathroom and sit on the floor and cry. Whe people ask what's wrong, tell them that the movie scared you(works even better if it was a comedy or an animated film). Have fun guys! But don't get thrown out of the theater. My suggestion: Don't try #14. Please rate

This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Tell ya what; I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying." "No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I finally got home only to find my wife was in bed with another man. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up...... and drink my poison..."

joke Posted by neo in Joke WOrld Reloaded on January 09, 2007 2:39:00 AM Tags: joke A man lives with his parents his whole life. He doesn’t drink, smoke, or do anything of that nature. Most importantly, though, he doesn’t swear. After both of his parents have died, when he’s in his late fifties, he becomes lonely. He decides to go to the pet store, and buy a friend to talk to. He asks for the most talkative parrot that they have. They bring him a small, fluffy blue parrot, and he takes it home. Excitedly, he says, “hello, new friend, what would you like me to call you”. The parrot doesn’t reply. The man, thinking that the parrot must be unable to hear him, repeats the sentence a bit louder. The parrot replies with “I heard you the first time, A**hole”. Appalled, the man solemnly says “we don’t use that kind of language in this house”. Upon hearing this, the parrot starts screaming every profanity he’s ever heard, even in other languages. The man gets terribly upset, and chases the parrot into a closet. Twenty minutes later, he’s still swearing like a sailor. So, he puts the parrot into a kitchen cabinet, and it does no good. Finally, he decides that a few minutes in the freezer will scare the parrot into stopping. He puts the parrot into the freezer, and after about a minute, the swearing comes to a stop. Scared that he must’ve killed the parrot, he throws the freezer door open. The parrot hops out, and immediately cuddles up against the man, and says “I’ve learned my lesson, I’m sorry”. The man says “what caused you to stop using such horrible language?”. The parrot shakes a little bit, and says “I saw what you did to the chicken”.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a Woman from Iowa and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Illinois. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a girl from Michigan. He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.