You are a Coloradoan if:
1. You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.
2. You know what the " Peoples Republic of Boulder " means.
3. Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
4. You're a meat-eating vegetarian.
5. The bike on your car is worth more than your car and you have your own special bike lane.
6. You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
7. You take your out-of-town guests to Casa Bonita even though you would never go there otherwise.
8. You think your major food groups are granola bars, tofu and Fat Tire beer.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
10. You think that sexy lingerie is wool socks and flannel PJs.
11. You know all 4 seasons "almost winter, winter, still winter and spring blizzards
12. You've been tear gassed in a riot to celebrate a CU/CSU Victory.
13. You can never figure out why your out-of-town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
14. You can drive over a 12,000-foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
15. You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista
16. When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of 20 beers and not get a buzz.
17. Your car insurance costs more than your car.
18. You have surge protectors on every outlet.
19. April showers bring May blizzards.
20. 'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been.
21. You know what a 'Chinook' is
22. You know what a ' Rocky Mountain Oyster' is.
23. You know what a "fourteener" is.
24. But you don't know what a "turn signal" is.
25. A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Republican in Congress does.
26. Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning rod.
27. You know who Alfred Packer was and what he did.
28. You know who Baby Doe Tabor was.
29. SPF 90 is not out of the question.
30. People from out of state breathe 5 times as often as you do.
31. Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
32. Thunder has set off your car alarm.
33. A full moon has never kept you awake at night.
34. You have an $800 stereo in your $300 truck.
35. A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
36. You think a red light means three more cars can go. 3
7. Where we're going, we don't need roads!!
38. You know where Doc Holliday's grave is.
39. You know where Buffalo Bill's grave is.
40. You know where the real " South Park " is.
41. You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on Sight.
42. Driving directions usually include 'Go over _________ Pass.
43. You've 'checked for ticks'.
44. You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka with a hood.
45. You've gone snow skiing in July and.....
46. You've played golf in January and.....
47. They were in the same year!
48. You've urinated on the Continental Divide just so it could run into both oceans
49. You know what a down slope and an up slope weather pattern is 50.
And the most important: You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.
Recently developed Barbies for Colorado market...
1)The Castle Rock Barbie-This princess Barbie is only sold at Nordstrom,she comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags,a Lexus SUV,a long haired dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house.Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with augmented version...
2)Denver Barbie-The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit.She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation.Traffic jamming cell phone sold seperately.
3)Downtown Metro Barbie-This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9MM handgun,a Ray Lewis knife,a Chevy with dark tinted windows,and a meth lab kit.This model is only available after dark,and must be paid for in cash(preferably in small unmarked bills)..unless you're a cop,then we don't know what you're talking about.
4)Pine Creek/Cherry Creek Barbie-This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.Included are her own Starbucks cup,credit card,and country club membership.Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private school Skipper.You will not be able to afford any of them.
5)Limon Barbie-This pale model comes dressed in her Wranglers 2 sizes too small,a Nascar t-shirt,and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder.She has a six pack of beer,and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set.She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet haired Ken's butt when she's drunk.Purchase her pick up truck seperately.
6)Pueblo Barbie-This tobacco-chewing brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high heeled sandals with one broken heel from when she chased drunken Ken outta Peyton Barbie's house.Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans,fake fingernails,and a see through halter top.Also available with mobile home.
7)Boulder Barbie-This doll is made of actual tofu.Has long,straight brown hair,archless feet,hairy armpits,no makeup,and wears Birkenstocks with white socks.She prefers to be called Willow.She does not want nor need a Ken doll.
8)Widefield Barbie-This Barbie comes with stroller and infant doll.Optional accessories include a GED and a bus pass.Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available but have been difficult to locate since the addition of the infant.
9)Trinidad Barbie/Ken-This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken and back again with simply adding or subtracting multiple snap on parts.
4.A caring listener
6.In good shape
7.Dresses with style
8.Appreciates finer things
9.Full of thoughtful surprises
10.An imaginative, romantic lover
Revised List (age 32)
2.Opens car doors, holds chairs
3.Has enough money for a nice dinner
4.Listens more than talks
5.Laughs at my jokes
6.Carries bags of groceries with ease
7.Owns at least one tie
8.Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9.Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10.Seeks romance at least once a week
Revised List (age 42)
1.Not too ugly
2.Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3.Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4.Nods head when I'm talking
5.Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6.Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7.Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8.Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9.Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10.Shaves most weekends
Revised List (age 52)
1.Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2.Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3.Doesn't borrow money too often
4.Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5.Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6.Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7.Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8.Appreciates a good TV dinner
9.Remembers your name on occasion
10.Shaves some weekends
Revised List (age 62)
1.Doesn't scare small children
2.Remembers where bathroom is
3.Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4.Only snores lightly when asleep
5.Remembers why he's laughing
6.Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7.Usually wears some clothes
8.Likes soft foods
9.Remembers where he left his teeth
10.Remembers that it's the weekend
Revised List (age 72)
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.
The Ten Commandments - but they are double-spaced and written in a large font, so they look like ten.
* The loaves and fishes would be replaced by pizza and chips.
* The Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
* Paul's letters to the Romans would become Paul's e-mail to the Romans.
* Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
* The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather finals.
* Tower of Babel blamed for foreign language requirement.
* Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a freshman.
* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.