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Stop the Madness

My daughter and I went to the doctor yesterday after I got out of the hostial. Oh let me tell you, I have seizure. Grandmall seizure, and I happen to have one at work, again. I know it was coming and I couldn't stop it, 5 in the row and I'm writing this blog, I'm at home and if I don't write I will forget. Its bad enough now tring to remember what happen. I hate this things. I wihs I didn't have them and I want it to stop, I think I'm dying and I'm so scared. Not for me, but for my childrenn. I just want a pill to make it stop.... Anyway, I took my daughter to the doc, the test was neg again, now she doesn't know what to think. I try to explain to her that maybe your not pg, but she want it so bad, now her boyfried is acting all funny. I happy its happen now, so when the real thing happy let see how he really act. well, I'm am still to weak to go, my body hurt, I just want this pain to go away, got get my children home from work, I know I'm not surport to be driving, but if I don't get them the Mister won't. Until...

The Wait Begin

Hello everyone, today I took my daughter to the doctor to see what the outcome was going to be. Is she or Isn't she pregrent. I won't know until tomorrow evening. She took the pee test and it came out neg. So she took the blood test. The machine went down so we have to wait until tomorrow. The wait is killing me. I don't know how to feel and I hate wondering. She's been in some pain, and I can't explain what it is. She is one month late, but the way she tell it it doesn't add up, but I will find out tomorrow. I hope. As for living here, man it getting harder. Man I can't wait to get another job. I have to leave, even if the test is pos or neg, I still have to leave. My heart isn't here anymore. I need to be by myself for awhile. I have been with him faithful for 10 years on March 8, and the love I once felt for him is gone. I do love him, I'm not in love with him anymore. He a good man for someone eles, I lived this life long enought. Am I wrong for that? This man allow me to drive his car, live in his house, make love to him, but on the other hand, I'm not getting anything back. I love the fact that after all these year I'm still here, but when you start with the mines shit, than I know you want us gone, and I'm so ready. Well, I said enough, I will be back tomorrow to let everyone know if I'm going to be a Sexy 40 year old gradmom or a just sexy...LOL...Smile Until I write again...
Hello everyone, It been awhile since I last wrote. I have been busy with family and work. Some much has change for me. One, I have a job that at one point I loved but now I can't wait to leave. My oldest daugther may be pregant. My daughters just got a new job and for my youngest its her frist job. I'm still with the Mister, but that about to end real soon. I had enough. Everyday its something new, and I just can't take it anymore. He asked me to marry him. After 9 years he finally asked and I couldn't give him an answer. Fially I say if your seious, than I want a ring. Do you think I got one. Of course not, 10 years on March 8, and still he can't make up his mind. Maybe I'm the stupid one. I stayed. Even though I left, went to Nashville, I came back thinking he really cared about me and my children. I was so wrong. So enough is enough. I'm so FED UP I DON'T KOW WHAT TO DO. The lovemaking is not up to what I need right now. I just have sex just to be having sex. No passion. Just he wake me up, and do what he do and go to sleep. My friend Tom (wink) are good friend now. Well, I guess that all for now, I have two hour to kill, my children are at work, the Mister is finally asleep. He will be home for one week. A vacation. OMG I'M GOING TO DIE!!!! So, Until I write again.

What Would I Do?

I have work this situation is my mind for some time now. My heart tells me to stay and try to have a stable life for my teen daughters. They have been gone for 5 years. Many have said this is growing pains. That things will work it way out. I thought about that to, maybe we have to get to know each other all over again. However, at what cost? Do I stay with someone that I wish would be more than a caregiver. When we was first a family, it was hard, when they was away and they came home on weekend, it was harder. I know I'm confusing many out there. and I'm sorry for that, I'm confused too. I do love this man, but I don't want to be here anymore. I know in my heart I don't want to get married anymore. I'm 38 years old, I don't want to still be living with a man I know I can't marry. 9 years is a long time, my last realationship last 7 years before I married him. I was "GunShy". I didn't want to get beat again, and the whole time we was together he beat me...Dumn Bi..h. I'm leaving. I'm not happy anymore. And the guy who said a "Blow Job" is all it take, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that what I love to do, and when I get tried of doing that to a man I wanted to end up with, Its time to go. This is a great man I'm leaving. I don't have to want for anything, expect... a little attention. Sex is Outstanding. But the attention is not there. The pics I display are me. I look like this everyday, expect for the hat...I do have face pic, but...I'm shy...Sort of... I work, I cook, I clean. I am a simissive woman...I do what I am told within reason. I'm a freakly lady at night and a woman and mon during the day. I'm lonely. Well, I guess thats all for now, I just needed to write what was on my mind right now. I have working on this plan for several months now...Its time to finally end this, I'm tried. I don't want to be in a realationship anymore. I want to be single when I turn 40. Until I write again...

Life is Changing Again

Hello, I know its been awhile since I last wrote, alot have happen now it time for a change. I want something different in my life, and I'm not getting it here with the Mister. When I last wrote I talked about getting my children back after 4 years. everthing with that is going good. However, things has change between the Mister and I. I feel I need to have a place just for my girls and I and our dog. I do love him, but love is not going to keep me here anymore. I can't take the stress .

Oh what a week!

Since I last wrote, my life is still changing. I got serveral new job offers, I even took my oldest daughter to work with me. She didn't like it much, well she didn't like the job site. I had to leave before my child curse someone out, and that not a good thing. The Mister that I have want to buy me a new car. I don't want one, we just bought a mini-shirt-suv, and the payments on that is high, and its going to take awhile to pay it off. My yougest daughter want to work now, she's only 15, I tell her to wait and take it slow, but how many 15 year old girls do u know thats in the 11 grade. Man do I need a drink. Its been a long week, and still I'm not getting what I need done. So I have a question for everyone. How can I get my man to f...k me more? I have been faithful for 9 years, my very frist words to him was that "I don't want a realationship I just want to Fu.. U", and that how we lived for 9 years, but lately, within the last 4 years I hardly ever get my needs meet, 4 times a month is not good for me, WHAT SHOULD I DO? I know he's not cheating, work keep him busy, but when he's home, he sleeps. I'm so lonely at night when he is gone. Well, that all for now, I have to find a way to fix my little problem before it become a big one. So, Until..

A New Beginning

Hello My name is Cashmere and I have a story to tell. I hope you like and understand how my life have changed. Four years ago I lost custody of my children because of a misunderstanding. I fought long and hard to get my children back. I lost hope many time along the way. I had to kiss many azz'z to have my life back to somewhat normal. As time goes by I will let you know alot about my new life. I'm just so Thankful to have my family back. I swear there was times I wanted to kill myself because I thought all my decision was wrong, but I prove to them, Social Services..aka..DHR...that I am a good mother. Four years I cried many nights, praying that the day would come that I will have my dream...My Family. I love what the Lord has done for me. I have three beautiful children, ages 19, 17, and 16. One boy and two girls. I'm proud of my family and I love them so much. I hope I meet alot of friends here, I'm a open minded person. I love reading, writing and being with my family. My living is hard work, I'm a Banquet Server. I've work my skills for 16 years. I'm 38 years old and not really married, I do have a Mister in my life, and I do have a face pic to profile. I just have to get to know and feel the family here, So, If you want me, add me and I add you... Until....
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