Here are some little known facts about Mississippi. Some of them are actually true. Some are partially true. The rest I made up. Try guessing which is which.
"Mississippi" is the only word in the english language of 11 letters that only has 4 letters really in it.
72% of the people living in Mississippi can't spell it properly.
The first mobile home sold in America transpired on April 12, 1926, in Highwater Desert MS. On April 15, 1926, it was hit by a tornado.
More potatoe chips are found under the sofa in MS, than any other state. They are usually found when on a sock-hunt. Scientists have spent a great deal of time trying to figure out how socks get under the sofa in the first place, which led to the Big Bang theory of the creation of the universe, a theory which holds that all came about by a black hole, which is what I usually find in my socks.
Most of the tomatoes eaten in America in the 30's were grown in MS, and there is a town in the state called Tomatopopolis, where trains would be loaded with tomatoes bound for Pismo Beach and all points west, except you can't go any further west than Pismo Beach. So never mind. Tomatoes were first suggested to be packed in round boxes by Grimplesnarf, who didn't live in MS in 1977, an idea which was immediately discounted as stupid. Tomatoes are still packed in square boxes to this very day by his wise suggestion being ignored, while potatoes now come in bags, where they fit better. Go figure.
The first known recipe for cooking chitlins was written in Poplarville MS in 1867, and it went like this "Put them in a big pot, and boil the CRAP out of them."
Casey Jones, noted railroad speed demon, crashed and burned in Livingston MS.
Most of the Chicken eaten in Russia comes from MS, and they only buy the wings. The legs go to France, because they are "leg-men". We keep the breasts, cuz we're greedy, sexist, and hungry.
The popsicle was invented in Ruleville MS, on July 17, 1812, but quickly melted as freezers hadn't been invented yet.
The custom of sewing large, rough, buttons on mens coat sleeves was first done by seamstress Wanda Overhill of Noxubie MS, to keep men from wiping their nose on their coat sleeves.
There are 320 registered colleges in the state of MS, more than any other state, all of which have football teams, none of which ever win anything.
There are more men named Bubba in MS than any other place on earth.
Baton Rouge is a really fancy-sounding name for a city, but in French it means "red stick", which the city took it's name from a good place to cross the Misssissippi river, and is the capitol of Louisianna and really has nothing to do with MS. And it isn't even on the Mississippi river, a red stick was put there by folks looking for a good place to cross who were horribly lost. They were so lost the women couldn't even demand the men to stop and ask for directions, as there was no one to ask.
MS Delegates to the Republican National Convention of 2004 were seated at the front, because per capita, more people from MS voted GOP in 2000 than any other state.
MS ranks dead last in more statistical rankings than any other state. We are the first in last, but not neccesarily the last in first, as it would imply to some a second-place finish.
More deer live in MS than people.
More pine trees are commercially raised in MS than any other state.
Grits were first served in Vicksburg MS, as the citizens were starving from Ulysses S Grant's seige of that city in the civil war, and they had already eaten their shoes. Grits always come in groups of more than one, that's why they call them grits and for no other reason, apparently. Contrary to popular legend, they are not served while still living...they move only by optical illusion. There is no such thing as just one grit. No one knows where they really come from, and no grit farm has ever been located. The largest grit ever recorded happened at the Waffle House on McDowell Road in Jackson MS, in 2002, served to Grimplesnarf, who angrily suggested they stir the blasted things.
The first Mexican Bar-B-Que ever conducted was done in West Pelahatchie MS in 1947, but was ruined when the beans kept falling into the fire.
The word "Y'all" was coined by Mrs. Les Spelling of Hot Springs Arkansas, when she fell off a wagon due to the lumpy roads in Duck Hill MS in 1793 and landed on her head. It was first thought to be a new word to otherwise say "ow", but had too many letters in it and didn't really sound like "ow", but she had a particularly thick southern accent sometimes known as a speech impediment, and after all she had just fell on her head, and all assumed she was just trying to live up to her name of Mrs Les Spelling.
Mississippi has a town in it named "Hot Coffee", and no one has the slightest idea how it came to be named so, or why anyone would put a city there. Best guess is a lack of tree cover, and folks with leather tongues. But in honor of that name, the liquid refreshement is always served in the form of a lava flow, and has been known to melt porcelain cups. It is said that Global Warming started here, but that is just a rumor started by Yankees.
Mississippi also has a town in it named Duck Hill, which has niether ducks nor hills. Not to mention that you seldom find ducks on hill-tops. It is as flat as a home-made tire, and dry as a popcorn fart. It was once postulated that the name came about by early travelers who warned each other to duck their heads for the up-coming hill, but this makes no sense, especially since there are no hills and no one ever travelled there on purpose. Some folks did end up there who were looking for Baton Rouge, and thought they were about to fall into the Mississippi river at any moment and thus had a large load of red sticks on them, and it could be assumed that there are some ducks on that river, but this is a stupid theory.
Football was first played in MS in 1892, and is still played there as origionally done, which is why they don't win anything. QB's in MS usually audible to a fumble play when it looks like they might score.
Golfers in MS always wear two pairs of socks, as they might get a hole-in-one.
MS was the first state in the union to have an official vehicle, the U-haul truck.
Interstate I-20 runs from Carolina to California, the longest interstate in the country. Odd-numbered highways run North-to South, and even-numbered highways run east to west. I-20 passes right thru the middle of Jackson MS, where 18-wheelers full of dangerous loads are fond of turning over. (Once, a truck full of dynamite got stuck under a low bridge, but not on I-20). The Interstate highway system was implemented during the Eisenhower administration during the height of cold war hysteria, and it is a Federal law that every 5 miles of Interstate highway must include at least one mile of straight-away to allow the landing of military aircraft in times of emergency when all the airports are closed due to stopped-up toilets. The slowest vehicle ever recorded on I-20 was a U-haul truck driven by Grimplesnarf of Jackson MS in August 2006, whose normal top speed of 47 miles per hour was slowed to 15 miles per hour for 45 minutes as he waited for the man who goes by his Indian name "Feather-foot Brother" to catch up to him on the longest elapsed journey from Huntsville Alabama to Jackson MS in recorded history, lasting some two months, give or take a few potty stops, and pauses to take a nature walk amongst the daffodils and fire ants.
Less snow falls on MS than any other state, and a good deal of that is usually found to be an outbreak of terminal dandruff from Grimplesnarf, of Jackson MS, who often goes by his Indian name "Wears black".
Just outside Jackson MS is a hugely popular tourist attraction (last year over 12 people paid to get in, and fewer snuck in) by the name of "Dry Creek Water Park" where you can rent a canoe to sit on the rocks of the non-river, and have absolutely no fear of drowning. It is the only place on earth you can go canoe-ing without oars. The non-water slide is world-famous amongst masochists, and was the birthplace of the band-aid. There is a great controversy raging today over plans to merge it with the worlds largest (and only) cactus plantation.
There is also a park just outside Jackson called the "Petrified Forest", which is real similar to a bunch of rocks. Some of the rocks actually look like trees, but it is not a place you would want to go bare-foot jogging at night. They have a gift shop where you can buy some...rocks. There is a window store nearby that has long lobbied to close the place.
Justin Thyme, of Water Valley MS (which has neither hills, valleys, or waterways) holds the MS state record for "Windshield not broken by rocks coming from speeding dump trucks" by purchasing a 1947 Buick and immediately parking it in a nuclear fall-out shelter, where it has remained to this day. He credits most of this success to covering the car with a thick rubber blanket and pointing it towards the rear of the bunker, but says he has had some close calls nonetheless.
Magnolia blossoms, The MS state tree, contrary to popular opinion, are not made of plastic. They just smell like it.
The Gall Bladder was invented by Dr Hamster Headbone of the East Regional Western Hospital of the North, located in South Blardsville MS, and his team of pygmie dyslexic basketball all-stars, as an accidental discovery as they tried to invent the "tall ladder" as a way to dunk the ball when they were too damned short. Gallstones are not actually stones as was determined by the director of the MS petrified forest and doctorate of "Rocks, hard dirt, coffee tables, and other stuff you don't want to run into in stocking-feet as you chase the cat in the night". Not to mention the Dewey Decimal System.
