iamthejojo's blog: "lilmonkey"

hey guys, i need to tell someone this.. so here goes.. 3rd sept, my baby brother, Gareth got into a hit and run motorbike accident.. but i only found out on the 1st Oct... He got my parents and relatives to lie in my face abt it. i flared up and woke everyone in my household up and questioned one and all... they didnt want me to worry because i will WILL go crazy. He was in ICU for 2 weeks , due to the impact of the hit, his left leg's knee onwards bones got shattered and had to amputate it. After amputation, he's now in a normal ward in CGH.. He's turning 22 next week, he had a bright future ahead of him.. 2 days prior to his ORD, the accident happened.. i'm super super stressed, down till cannot go futher, and i dun have the willpower to be strong anymore, he's my babyboy, he's my everything. This message is to ask my friends to pray for him, give him the willpower and strength, because if he has it, i have it. He's going thru physio now... hopping around, trying to wear his boxers and stuff... learning to go to the toilet. Even though u guys dunno him, but at least help me, give him moral support. I think thats what he needs right now.. because i'm barely holding on. attached is a local online newspaper article abt his accident. http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/3552/4124/245456

i wish u were here with me

walking me thru these rough patch in my life

i'm sorry i took you for granted

i'm sorry that i was barely there when u needed me the most

i'm sorry that we couldnt make it

i'm sorry I couldnt make it

i never knew how to treasure the diamond in my life

and now its all too late.

how can the love so beautiful ever slip ever

oh god i'm missing you

its driving me so insane

standing all alone in the pouring rain

cant explain

all my pain

In my memories, always.

Jordan Tay

26/4/83 - 4/5/08

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
- Mary Elizabeth Frye

as i try to sleep, tossing and turning in bed

i realise this 2nd year, you were no longer be with me, with us.

u're the only one i could trust for the longest time

i dreamt of you this morning and told you everything that's been happening

and i swear to God that i heard you saying 'you'll be fine'

i dunno if it was you or my hallucination

or maybe i'm just going a little crazy

but i'm glad i heard that.

misery indeed loves company

even though each year i give u 10 mins secretly on my birthday

but it nvr fails to happen every year

cept 4th May 08 and from now on.

missing you really cant be help

could you blame me? 

could you blame any of us, for missing you terribly?

I'm gonna start blogging again, even though no one will read it.

cos u were the only one who goes to the page every day to see if i had updated something encrypted, something only you and i will understand.

2 months after your passing, i had to stop writting, because writing reminds me of you. of you leaving us behind

reminds us of the pain you left us, but the peace we know that you're safe up there. 

i love you baby, always have, always will.

you wouldnt believe the day i had. lets just say a simple dinner might just have change me, 

dinner with a friend, talking about life , love, loss.

He talked abt how he lost a friend last year in a bike accident, they werent close. As the conversation carried on, i shared my loss with him, the loss of you.

So i merely asked him, when did his friend passed, '4th May'. 'guess what! mine too!' What are the odd of the Angel of Death taking both of friends on the same day. Then it hit me, i realised it was the same friend, as he told me how his friend was like, sharing his life story.. (even though we were on a dinner date, but i figured his friend's life was more interesting than his.) .. and bit by bit, i cried, scaring the living daylights out of the guy.. i then told him i knew the same guy, Jordan Tay. 

Sometimes in life, life surprises you. the entire world, you have dinner with this one guy who happened to be part of your past, unknowingly. 

i'm not the sort who believe in fairytales, but for once in my life, i need a goddamn good love story, just this one night. 

Never forgotten.