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I was browing looking for some favorite music to post. I was so innocently looking, when it came to me just to check on something and noticed some thing that should not be there, someone I knew I tried so hard to foget. this person just pop's in my head I feel so confused I wished he was the one but wasn't. I should go on with out another thought. But, there I was looking and focusing on him like a trainwreck. though not in focus and part of the scene I watch not hearing the music I might as well have gone deaf i did not watch the performance I just saw him. It was like being there not able to respond I wanted so much. I walked away from the mess but somehow it draws me in. It's a madness I cannot cure, a sickness where there is no medication.My mind is lost to him. everything else has a small meaning everyone else just a memory. all fuzzy and unclear. but here you are, the memories and details forever crisp in detail and form. every word still echo'd, every lie spoken, everything said kind and cruel, everything I remember The first kiss, the one 20 years later the hope you gave so falsely My willingness to do anything to have you when there was never a chance. I can never show or feel anger to you out of fear of losing you. why do I have great fondness when all you caused was pain. You are such a contridiction your given name is that of an Angel and your nickname is the that of a Demon. Who are you and why do you beckon me? I want to be free but i feel possessed. How did this happen what caused this? Why can't you just go away leave my heart and head forever? Why am I so drawn to this devastation? Why do I kill and leave the bodies? Each one had a future but I ended them. I've killed every chance at love and happiness because of you. I am so obvious in my words, in my eyes. how I lose myself to a land that doen't exist a life so unreal. I seen something in your eyes one night but was what I saw real, how quickly you not looked again when someone noticed. Why do I go back to revisit this place so painfully ugly? Why do I see your beauty but what you did makes you hideous? Seeing you is like, looking at a trainwreck so many bodies left to die, I walk away barely alive full of pain but not feeling a thing, my burned flesh healed over with many scares. I am numbed by horror you caused, I am in shock forever.
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