This was written for another site, However, I have had several people tell me I should post it here as well, so:) enjoy!~Julz
Well, its been awhile, since I felt this strong. I know I can survive. I know, that I can make it through, whatever life deals me. Things are looking up, its gonna be a long road, and i know there will still be days, when i cry myself to sleep. I know there will be "what if" days, however, I expect those days to become fewer, and farther in between, until this portion of my life becomes just another story. Just another chapter.
2007 was a year, of so many ups and downs.
This year, was a country song, and well, i think, after all is said and done, that it should be a novel. I can't figure out how i have survived, to take a breath this very day. I should be dead. honestly, I should have probably killed myself. I was under a maddening pressure this year. I cried one to many days this year. I laughed to few. But, through it all, I learned.
I gave up on a lot of things, Including myself. I failed to believe in me.
I no longer feel that way, and its strange, how i feel today. As i said, i feel stronger today, then i have in many many days. I learned who i can count on, and who my forever friends are. I learned that i need to lean on friends and family, more than i want to. I also learned, that its not all about other people. I learned, to love, and let go, in many ways this year. I learned, that you can not change a man, love to much, or change who you are. I learned, that some people, will never grow up, some will never grow old, and a dog, is the only one, who will ever love you and respect you, the way you feel you deserve to be .
I learned, that walking away is not as hard as it sounds.
That sometimes, i should just not care.
That alot of times, i do.
I learned that 4 inch heels, make my ass look awesome.
that walking in those heels at 5:30 in the morning, drunk, is not as easy as it seems.
I learned, that i should listen more, and talk less.
I learned, That I shouldn't say everything i think, i hurt other peoples feelings.
That my feelings don't get hurt, as easily as others.
I learned, that letting go, is hard, no matter how many times you have done so before.
That loving and leaving, is easier than forgiving and forgetting.
I learned, that I can love my children, and still want to "bury them in the back yard" and that lots of other mothers feel the same way. I learned, that through my children's eyes, I am a rock. I learned that I will love no other, as much as i love my kids, and my dogs, and that its ok, to get angry.
Vodka gives me a hangover.
That dancing bad, is still dancing, and still just as fun!
Its ok, to be sad, and to show others, that i am sad, ... that its ok to be weak, and show other that i am weak.
I learned, not every kiss, has to mean something.
Karaoke is fun! and, I stink at it, but I will do it again.
That cheeseburgers can make me feel better, and worse, all at the same time.
That Chinese food, cures a hangover.
I learned, that other people always think they know what is best for you.
That sometimes, even you don't know what is best for you.
That someone else, would always have done it better, bigger, different.
I learned how to handle a compliment... and an insult.
I learned that hobbies, are just that, and its ok, to walk away, and re indulge at a later time.
That its ok, if I don't care what others think, and its ok , if I do.
I learned, that I am not perfect, but, I am ok that way.
This year, I learned, its OK to make mistakes, and that, true friends, will always love me, ..wrong or not!
...I learned, that laughing at my mistakes, is ok to.
SO, here is to continuing my education, and learning more.
P.S. I learned, that i don't care if i use spell check either, so, ..if there are errors, don't tell me, I don't care!
