swtncute1981's blog: "Lifes Journey"

Isn't it funny where you have these days where nothing seems right at all. Days where you feel your going to have a break down and yet no one seems to be around. Your mind racing with all these different thoughts and for some odd reason you cant comprehen anything that is going around you. Your body feels this emptiness that seems like its there to stay and you feel so alone that even God himself has walked away. The only thing you hear from anyone is all the negative talk in which it brings you even more down or even more far away then you all ready are or at least feel.

I'm sitting here squeezing my head as if it is a pimple ready to be popped, thinking of why I feel so down and alone. Though I can't understand why and maybe thinking that if I wrote it down that maybe my hands can do the thinking for me. I have come with many different ways of how to explain how I feel. Like my baseball theory. ( Life is like baseball because no matter how many strikes you get, you have to get back at that bat and try harder so you can make it home. Where as life throws you strikes, fast balls, and curve balls and you always have to be on your feet, not knowing which one it is going to throw next.)

Where as today I thinking that life is this journey a road that is straight but it has it's bumps, hills, and mountains. In some places this road you are on there is mudd that you can get stuck in or rain that can wah your sunny day right out, which can turn into floods if your not careful. And those days you feel wet,cold and all alone scared as if you where a child left alone for the first time. All these little obsticle course that you have to get through and sometimes feels so weak that you don't know how to handle them. Never the less feel as though you get kicked down when you reach the top.

I have a reason I feel that way and my life is the example. You see I go so far and when I get there I am so alone and have no one that I can share my happiness with. I then feel like I got kicked in the stomic and have to take less then what I want. Which brings me to why I feel the way that I do.  I come to realize why I feel alone and why I feel down and depress and for the longest time I thought it was this sickness that was going to end up killing me.

On my journey through life I met great people and great people who done me wrong. (I can't condem someone of their faults for I have my own.) I have learned (well thought I learned) leason that made me who I am today. I feel alone because on my road I start to get comfortable and I start to get ahead of myself and other people. The people who do care, the ones who love me and wanna be there for me. These obsticle course that we all go through are hard for me because as soon as I get to one I have by passed (push) people to where I have no help but myself. And as soon as I got to the top everyones eles is working together  where as I am by myself.

I now can close my eyes and can see the people who I have hurted the ones who have tried to be there to help me out. I feel so ashamed for what I have done. And hate the fact that I let my pride take control of me. I realize now that God will always be beside me and it was me pushing him away as well. All I can do now is pray that I slow down and hopefully be able to change for the better and not hurt anyone eles.