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What are you waiting for?

Strength in the Slience

In words left unspoken i lay awake

In this lifeless solitude of what my world has become

I find strength in the bonds that hold me to you

I may not say it in so many words

But you give me strength of whats to come

Courage to fight yet another day

I know that it gets better

Shades of black and white with hints of grey

You bring the fiery passion

That is soo hard to escape

I find wisdom in each line you write

Words coming like crazy at each passing time

Moments of silence don't scare me as often

Cause in those vast moments are the times i see you best

I see you for you and not the scar that you carry

A heavy burden on your heart

Painted with sorrow and such disillusion

I give you hope and a possible conclusion

With this I take in my hand so small

That i hold your great fate

Never in hatred nor in Violence

I somehow find Strength in your Silence

Silly boy

It rang so true it rang so right

How can I stay when I know that it will only lead to a fight

I loved you more then words that are unknown

You threw them back like I was a stone

Cast me a spell Cast it on tonight

I wish on star with all my might

That I can be the one your dreaming of

That I can be the sun, the moon the stars up above

I was your something now im somones everything

How does it feel knowing you did me wrong

How does it feel when you hear our song

Does it bring you sad sorrow or smile to your face

You should know dear that I am in a happy place

Filled full of laughter and a warm embrace

I will not be your play toy

Because i have man

and your just a boy

Just a boy with no feelings

No remourse

Ill Tell you this now and tell you it so

That I done and Its time to go

Kiss what we had a finall goodbye

Cause u will never once again

No you will never once again

Make me cry

 

I am better then that I know that I am

Give me more credit then the fool that I play

I was playing you with my not so childish game

Who is the one hurting who is the one in pain

Tis now I thats right because your still the same

So while im lapping you in the circle called life

You can sit there foundly and wish that I was your wife

Wish that I was in your arms again so true

But I will only laugh and call you the stupid fool

Black

Black as day

black as night

I ponder away

At loves sight

I know in my heart

That things are yet to come

But I can't see you

I don't know where to run

I hear your voice

It haunts my soul

Like a thousand deamons

All trying to escape

I can't speak

I can only relate

Ten thousand needles

That poke at my side

Daggers and Swords

That cut at my heart

Black as Day

Black As Night

I can't not move

I have no sight

I can not feel

Without my words

I have no fight

I lay there still

Not wanting to move

Taking my last breathe

Black as Day

Black As Night

The ending beats

Of my hearts last fight

I sit idly on the other side of the screen

Wishing you would say something

            Anything

I don't know if I can take it

I dont know if I can try

I wonder what your thinking long after we say goodbye

 

I try not to blink

I try not to care

But something keeps me here something keeps me still

I don't know what it is about you

And what it is that you have done

But the silence that I feel

Shakes me to life

But some how when I open my eyes

The words that aren't spoken stab me deeper then a knife

 

I know that Its just a silly little game you like to play

When you sit there Reading the words

That have been said

It makes me wanna scream

It makes me wanna shout

I can't take this solitude

I can't take this instant black

 

Say something

Anything

Let me know your there

 

I crawl back into the corner

I knew you never cared.

Never good enough

I stare blankly at the ceiling counting little dots

With each passing moment on the clock

As it Tick Toks Tick Toks

I can't help but think if there was something that I missed

Something that I over looked

 

I can understand the outcome

Because it was never meant to be

I can understand that your an asshole

Because that's all you will ever be

 

I can't say that I can forget but

I somehow still forgave you

They said I was stupid for thinking the way I think

They said that I should never let you have the benefit of the doubt

But someone how you got me back in the boat

Why didn't i leave the first time

 

I feel worse then I did before

How my walls have been built up

Cracks are not present in the foundation that is standing strong

But weakness in my character

Are now my one big flaw

I wasn't good enough then

So whats make it different now

 

Can I hold my head above the water

Or am I going to drown

Please of Please will someone catch me before its to late

Deep whispers in my ear

Saying it will be okay

I still don't think I'm Good Enough

Maybe I never was

I spot you

I spot you in the crowed room among the sea of a million people

I can't help but notice how you pull me to you

How my heart flutters just when I catch you eye

My feet start to move towards you in a motion

I feel like im floating how can this be

Suddenly im in the midst of your embrace

Waves of chills float from head to toe

I'm at the mercy of your desire

I will do whatever you want

I can feel my walls breaking with each passing moment

You undress me with you eyes with each deep glance

Burning deeper into my soul

I start to lose all myself control

I give into the temptation

letting you have all of me

Each passing movement of your finger tips on my skin

Sends a billion tiny goosebumps that never end

Laying me down on the cold floor

You gaze into my eyes

Laying upon me I can feel each breath you take

Hearing my heart beat faster and faster

Taking your lips you press them to mine

Grasping your hands around my wrist

Holding me down in a perfect place

I taste you kiss, so sweet in deed

 

Suddenly Im being pulled back into place

Whats going on

I can't feel your embrace

I look up only to see

that your still standing

A million miles away from me

Counting 123

Grabbing earth head on for the moment I relize what I have done

I stop and look before grasping my loaded gun

The words circle beyond me in a sequence that i sounds all to fimiluar

One Two Three I hear it over and over again

One Two Three when will it end

One Two Three It drives me insane

One Two Three I would end it if I could

One Two Three Its like im not me

One Two Three How can I make it stop

This is the imprisonment of tortue that I face

Walking closer to the edge

taking strides in my pace

I hear them start again

Grasping the triger tighter in my cold hand

I feel my heart race

I think this is the end

My mind starts to wonder and in circles it goes again

One Two Three I suffer in slience

One Two Three Over and Over again

One Two Three I hear it often then not

One Two Three I scream STOP!!!!!

Grabbing my head in the palm of my hand

fingers grasping at my insides

feeling the pain as it starts to stream down my face

Cold wetness of salty tears i can taste onvmy tongue

I grab the cold barrel and point it up

***

*******

***********

******************

**************************BANG

 

No more slience at last

I'm Free

Why

Why was the question i always asked and never got an answer for.

It was funny how one simple word could throw you into a tail spin.

How I could just look at you deep in your eyes in the middle of a conversation smile and just say WHY?

I was always the one who laughed at the silly things you said

The one who was so quick to stand by you no matter what you did.

I was the one who could just smile and make things better

While you were the one who lied to my face

Cheated behind my back

Stole the one thing that Till this day still has a hole in it.

Sadness grows quickly in the midst of anger that swells deep in the depths of my soul

But one word one word alone could change the conversation

Why?

 

I'd ask it a million times and a million times more

I would expect and easy answer but words would spew from you mouth in the form of poisonous venom

I often think back and see the error in your ways.

I often think back and see the hurt that you caused

 

Why?

 

 

Why can't i forget

I think that there was a reason a reason for this

I ask myself why

I stare in the mirror and look deep in side think back to the moment

and ask myself WHY?

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