Have you ever just wondered why life can seem so freakin tough sometimes? I mean what have you done to deserve one thing after another hitting you an knocking you back down knowing you just got up from the last hit. Just one of them thinking nights obviously and before ya even read on NO I am not suicidal(sp)lol. Seems like everytime I have a positive outlook on something, something seems to go wrong. Guess that would be the story of my life right now. All the stress that I have built up seems to never set free. If its not work its my personal life. When does it ever end? or does it even? I'm begining to think not.
The work stress really is stupid. Its not my job that stress's me really, its the atmosphere around me. Always having to be on your toes. Not knowing whats gonna happen next due to the people in the work place around you. The freaking cowards an hypocrites that the are. So nice to your face, and talkin shit behind your back. The only solution I even see to this is for me to pack up my shit an start over, but why. Why should I have to leave my job which I kinda like an start over somewhere else yet again cause they are total losers. I mean as many times as I've had to start over with a new job, I'll never be able to retire. An I for one am kinda looking forward to that day in my near future. Whats even worse to all this is I dont get to speak my mind, because that would cause my company more problems. So see there I do hold back sometimes for the sake of others. lol. Damn sure dont happen often. That pretty much sums up work shit.
Then there is my personal life. Boy is that a freaking roller coaster now a days. Just one thing after another. Main thing I guess is the battle of the parents. Those that really "know" me know what I'm talking bout. Those who dont well here let me sum it up real quick. Parents have been married for ohhhhhhhh lets see 27 years, Dad wanted out of the marriage about 7 years ago but seem to forgot to be a true man an file. So all this time he has umm been with other folks telling my mother he hasn't an she found out. Shit has hit the fans. They dont speak, Mom intern gave my Dad a little gift bout 3 weeks ago. Had him served. So thats the simple story of this very tiresome issue. Granite dont get me wrong I know I'm a grown women an my brothers are grown men, but it still puts a toll on the family. You sit back an think, why does it have to be this way? Why do things have to always be ugly? I guess that would be choices we as individuals make. Not always the right one but usually the one that will pass for the time being. Through this all tho, I knew about it. I knew exactly what my Dad was doing but trusted him to do the right thing and end it with my mother first like he told me would. Well, thats not exactly what he did. So instead all 3 of us kids hid stuff from my mother so we wouldnt be the ones to hurt her. Which I know now was a bad decision but it was a decision I had to make due to the situation an the relationship I have with my mother. Having the feeling of lying to your best friend isnt quite the best feeling in the world. Knowing now you have caused her to lose some trust in you. That hurts more than these words could ever say. She says she doesnt hold it against me now that she was just mad at the begining due to the fact she came to me for everything regarding this situation thinking I just didnt approve of what my dad was doing. But oh well the damage is done, an I cant take back what I did. So now its time to start over with what we had. Moved forward. See what Im saying. Stress. I found out today my Dad has responded to her papers to the courts with an answer. Not sure exactly what he has decided to do, but it wont be a clean, friendly divorce thats for sure. Kinda makes me sad tho for my Mom. Wish he would just do whats right an give her what she deserves instead of making her fight for it ya know. She has hurt enough through this all. Its only fair.
On a lighter note of this situation. Me an my father got into this big ole knock out drag out. Due to the simple fact of me never getting to see him but once every 3 or 4 months, and talking to him maybe once every 2 to 3 weeks. I told him what I thought of him an how I felt towards the way he treats me. I'm not a stepchild, for heavens sake, Im the only damn daughter he has. Needless to say things are better. We talk every night for the most part. He actually calls me."Shockingly" We've gone to lunch a couple of times here lately, which was good. I think I really needed that not sure why tho. Just cause I really do miss him, but Im so freaking stubborn that I wanted him to put forth some effort. But oh well it worked, and he acts like he knows me now which makes me a little bit happier.
So you see my life really has been kinda stressful. Did I mention this all took place bout 3 days before my Birthday?. So ya that kinda sucked but birthday was a blast anyhow. Thanks Guys! Thanks for everyone that has been there to listen to me bitch, moan, and cry. Usually seems to help a situation knowing someone actually cares. I know listening to a person cry tho isnt the best. An I've cried so dang much its unreal here lately. Even after all them damn tears I've cried I gots a damn stye building on my eye. Shit I wouldnt think there was a clogged nothing the way the tears been flowing. Oh well thats only human to shed tears I guess. Guess I've vented enough, but hey Im allowed to vent in my own space arent I? Like I said before its one of them nights where the tears are flowing and I needed to get it out. Tired of having to cry to certain folks all the time im sure they get tired of it. I'm sure I would. Nighters~!
Brandi
Oh an Umm if you thought I've been acting weird here lately..should have asked me DO NOT ask my friends. If you have taken the time to read whats above, and/or came to me an asked me then you know why I've been this way. Needed some sort of laughter, and if puting myself on the laughing block is what it takes then so be it. Just cause I'm playing around on Yahoo doesnt mean its the real me. So wanna get to know or if you dont know me in the future ask ME. Its when you ASSume..that you make an ASS out of YOU and me. Ok for real Im out just had to add that real quick.
