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Barbarella's blog: "Life"

created on 01/11/2007  |  http://fubar.com/life/b43424

On Thursday, January 10,2013 my mothers battle with cancer ended... She passed peacefully in her sleep. On saturday the 12 th we honored her with a memorial service, I gave one of the eulogies which follows..

On Thursday afternoon I watched as my mother took her final breath, free from pain and at peace. It saddened me greatly to see her go, yet at the same time I knew that she was indeed ready to go on to her new home. She had struggled so hard in her last days hurting and it pained her to have to depend on the care of others, Momma didnt much like having to depend on others for much of anything that way.

I have been reflecting on the influence that my mother had on me through out mt life.. she taught me how to cook and to sew and most importantly to her she taught me how to give a 'proper' dinner. By the time I finished elem school I was the only kid in my class that could give a dinner party; when my friends were over there were no paper plates, forks or napkins but dinnerware silver and cloth napkins.

The most important thing that my mother taught me was that it was okay to be an independant person, that there is much more room to spread ones wings outside the box than staying inside the restraints of conformity.

I struggled much with the lessons that my momma tried to teach me though I know she did the best that she could.

Ive written seberal times about my mothers illness, and now it is coming to an end.. on the weekend before christmas she began to have pain and started to decline. She has had good days but now her pain is constant and she refuses to take her medicine both for pain and swelling.  The family has been advised to come and see her as she may not live more than a couple of weeks.

My family has cared for her round the clock and is very grateful for assistance from hospice, and friends who have been here to help. It has saddened me to see everyone in such pain but we all know that she wouldnt want any of us to carry on or make fuss..I just hope that it is over soon for her sake..

On June 12,2012 Sara Hart, mother of 3 and pregnant with her 4th child, was murdered just 2 miles from where I live... She was jogging early that morning and pursued by Chris Allman..drug off the roadside and killed, for no reason. Yesterday morning 2500 + people in the community and other states joined to " Run for your Hart" in order to raise scholarship money in memory of Sara. Over $ 70,000 was raised, 20,000 over the hoped for amt.

I am so proud of everyone for their efforts, it truly goes to show what can be done when everyone comes together in tragedy.

A close friend of the family passed away this past tuesday; her name was Ilene Wariner, mother of country music singer Steve Wariner.  Momma had asked me to attend the service with her cause she hsnt had a good week at all. Hard time again speaking and walking, not able how to do things around the house. Had a leak Wed but couldnt decide whether or not to call a plumber. Anywhoo, Ilene had cancer and seeing her at 70 lbs looking nothing like herself made me realize that with all that is going on with momma, the time will come soon when it is her.

The service was beautiful and a true testament to the wonderful person that Ilene was, Steve and his family did the music, and it was a mostly musical service. Different, but just what she would have liked. I cried a lot, not just for Ilene, but for what is coming...

For weeks I have had some probs with staying in the bthrm all the time, thankfully, after tests nothing is seriously wrong. Dr angel believes that my high caffeine intake is the problem so last thursday he tells me no caff, no chocolate, no citrus.. I was like dude you are killin me!, I live on mt dew and sweet tea. I thought maybe I could get by with decaf drinks but after talking to the nurse that is a no go as well. So its flavored waters and apple juice etc. for the next month, shoot me now LOL

I had an experience on tuesday that has definately caused me to put things in a whole new perspective. A very close friend of mine suffered effects of an overdose on tuesday night, while with me... The pills had been taken earlier in the day and hit full on later.

To see someone that I care for turning blue, to hear them drowing from their own fluids (aspiration), it was fear beyond belief for me.. knowing that I couldnt do anything to help besides dial 911.

Thankfully, he didnt die and after spending the night in ICU he was released. I hope that he has learned from this experience and that he will keep the memories of what happened close to his heart.

About 6 weeks ago I started having some problems, with my health..I have heard the saying ' pissin your life away' always but never thought I would imitate it. LOL.. Had to see a specialist this past week because all the preliminary tests done by my fam dr didnt turn anything up. Now I have to get MRIS done because the spec thinks that I have either a tumor or nerve damage as a result of the extensive damage I have had to my back plus the surgeries done. Tests will be done in couple of weeks so Im not worried, just hopin for the best.



Momma is doin well, in good spirits.. Havin some difficulty with her legs but has been walkin a lot, even mowing the grass ( under supervision).

After not having a PC since first of December, due to a serious virus, I am glad to have one again... my good buddy did a complete overhaul put in some more memory, cleaned it out good and I couldnt be happier.

I have posted new pics of my bff tashas baby girl arlie, cant believe is is almost 7 mo old now..cutting teeth and trying to walk. check em out

The past month has been like a rollercoaster; up down and all around... after momma had gotten worse last month, the hospice nurse saud that her brain swelling was the cause of her slurred speech inability to walk, and confusion, momma agreed to start her steroids again which has helped her so much. She still has some confusion but is able to walk and speak better.

She had stopped driving at my brothers request, but wednesday decided to start again..I spoke to her hospice nurse yesterday and hopefully they will take her keys once and for all.

She also started a new diet this week, a detoxification kind of thing; no meat, sugar caffeine etc. it includes lots of juices and vitamins... when I yold the nurse about it she was upsety, said that it wasnt good for momma to be doing it as she needs proteins and other things to stay healthy.. momma thinks the diet will cure her cancer.  Momma hs also decided there is conspiracy going on around her; she says that Bill (neighbor that drives us) and I are using her car all the time without her permission...which is not true, at least on my part...cause I KNOW better than to just up and go without discussing it with her first... Bill also has to get the keys from her.. Gonna talk with my brothers about arranging to do errands once a week so I dont have to ask her, think that would be best.

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