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odesseyblue's blog: "life"

created on 05/18/2008  |  http://fubar.com/life/b216555
This past weekend was one of the worst of my life. Someone I had alot of love for showed me the love wasnt returned, hurt me in more ways than i can even express. Too much past anger and too much hurt to let the rest of his life be good. Its unfortunate that people don't see what is right there in front of them, that their past pain wont let them have any trust or faith in others. Also that it prevents that good person that is stuck beyond walls inside to truly shine. i've seen that good person in him shine, I know its there. I just wish it would have stuck around. But, My kids will always come first. When i became a mother I swore to protect them forever and love them and help them grow up to be strong individuals. I wont let anyone hurt them and I wont let anyone hurt me. Verbal abuse is just as hurtful and as painful as physical if not even more, bruises go away words do not. Even though you can forgive you can never forget. When someone threatens the ones you love you must defend. At all costs. I didn't want any more kids, the two I have were enough. I was happy they were happy, what more could you ask for. But god had other plans for me and gave me one more surprise in my life. So what choice do I have but to love and protect that little bundle of joy as well. It's who i am. As a result of this past weekend, I had to say goodbye to someone I didn't want to say goodbye too. But being left without any alternative, I had no choice. He's not ready to be a man and a father. He's got his own mess to deal with before that can ever happen. I will never ever forget him, I will always cherish the good times we did have even though there were so many bad. the good ones are memories I will carry with me forever. I wish him luck and hope and pray that he gets the help he needs so that he can be happy, everyone deserves that. without the screaming, the destruction, the words of hurt. So much bad happens in everyones life, its what you do with that that makes a difference, You can choose to let it effect who you become, or you can choose to let it not. Just because some have let you down, doesnt mean that the rest you encounter will do the same. Life doesnt have to be the pits unless you let it. You can wake and tell yourself today is going to be a good day. Today is the start of the rest of my life. You can choose to let the past be exactly what it is the past, You can choose not to let it affect your future. But are you strong enough to do that??? This goes out to all those who had horrible things happen to them as children and as a result have never learned that it wasnt their fault and grew up thinking it was normal and that they were fucked up. WE arent born assholes, we become them if we choose too. but why choose to be that way??? why not choose the alternative and choose love and compassion for others. why not wake up and smell the roses. why not wake up knowing that today is going to be a good day, however not always perfect its not always bad. life is hard, probably one of the hardest things we ever have to encounter. But its not all bad. it can be good if you want it to be. please let it be. enjoy life, embrace it. be the best person that you can be......................... I will never forget him as he will always hold a chunk of my heart. But I can't go through life being called nasty names and being spit on, I cant go on knowing that one minute there are laughs the next there are doors slamming. One drop of the hat and caos begins. I love life, and I love to laugh. I don't like to cry. I'm not going to put myself in a position that hurts everyday. I'm taking control not letting someone else control it. with this last comment all i can say is seize the opportunity, make your life what it should be, happy, while not always easy, it doesnt have to be bad, unless you chose to let it be............... with this i sign off for the night, to sleep and hopefully wash some of the pain away so tomorrow can be yet another great day, As I remember who i am, who I want to be, and who I will be, a strong person, who loves herself. You cant love anyone else until you love yourself. And I love me............
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