How can I feel like my life is falling apart at the seams? Last year at this time, my life was incredible. I was in Germany with the man I love, granted I was to be coming back to the states mid-may. But at that time, coming back to the states, I knew there were intentions on me going back there at about the three month mark.
This time I have been back in the states since the end of Nov. I am literally losing my mind, or so it feels like. I am stuck at my moms, there is no transportation in the near by, so getting out is next to null. Days I dream of having a car so I could actually get out and get a job. I have no security in my life at the moment, besides have a roof over my head and this isn't going to be much longer. I was only suppose to be here 3 months and my mother and her husband fight because of that, sadly I hear it through the floors.
Financially I am screwed, I can barely get the things I need monthly. I get roughly 300 a month, and when I get my smokes and stuff, I barely even have enough for necessitates. Is killing me. The warmer weather is coming here and like a fool I had left all my summer clothes in Germany thinking I would be back there in time. I am such a fool.
I ran away for love, I gave everything I owned away, thinking this was gonna be the dreams I wished for. Granted its been the adventure and I do love my German, its just mentally this is killing me. I have seen the doctor, he put me on celexa, but I am so bad with pills that I have a hard time remembering to take them cause I hate taking pills.
I don't have the security I need in my head at the moment. I went from just being to just being nothing or so it seems.
I don't have many friends here in my town, sadly all my friends are online friends.... so nobody there to really turn and talk to either locally.
