Screaming Ogasm P Daddy's blog: "Life"

Hello

You Know

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME! If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting? Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

I learned something not so very long ago... I had not seen my brother in many years, One day as I exited an interstate ramp I noticed a guy holding this sign..."will work for food", as I drove past I noticed it was my brother, very much to my surprise!!! My brother has been no stranger to tragedy, but this was a bit extreme. I finally got up the curiosity to turn back to see why his life was this way...as I pulled my truck up in the grass to talk to him, he recognized me...he immediatly came to my truck...reached in to shake my hand...then stood back away from the window for a minute...reached into his pocket and pulled out a large handfull of money 10's, 20's, and pitched them through my window...said he had lots more where that came from...that he was just using it for drugs anyway....how heartbreaking...taking advantage of those thoughtful souls that donated that to him...I collected the money...handed it back to him...slowly drove away with a tear in my eye, and I will never understand.....THIS WAS THE VERY LAST TIME I SAW OR TALKED TO MY BROTHER...

Just a memory now, I used to have a great friend, we partied together, laughed at life, enjoyed her children, were both very young, she was 24, I was 26, Long story made short, her husband went to prison leaving her with 6 children to raise on her own. She had nothing. Here is where the story gets sad, she got involved with a guy, ended up catching aids from him, was very sick for many years. She knew she was slowly dying and I remained a close friend thru her demise. At Christmas time I used to buy her entire family gifts and secretly place them outside her door in the middle of the night as they all slept, this went on for 5 years as she slowly got sicker and sicker, on the 6th year...I went to deliver her Christmas gifts as normal. Her home was Empty. She died the day before, there were people there cleaning her home, they said that no one had any information on where her children were or anything, That year was the saddest Christmas for me. To this day I dont think she ever knew who the Mystery Santa was. This is a true story, her name was Debbie, I will never forget her @};-@};-@};-

What is the FDIC next to fubucks for?? Anyone??

I think all the Stiletto girls should add me as they are all stunning, I wonder how many will actually do it? @};-@};-

A woman went into a bar in Newfoundland and saw a Mountie with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. She asked him if was true what they say about men with big feet. The Mountie grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady. Why don't you come over to the barracks and let me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thanks, ma'am. I'm real flattered. nobody ever paid me for my services before." "Don't be flattered...take the money and buy yourself boots that fit."

Happily Married Biker Badass Biker Bob wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bob looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bob asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Badass Bob asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"

Seven Degrees of Blonde FIRST DEGREE: A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know! It was some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear." -.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*: SECOND DEGREE: Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde said, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde handed her the compact. The second one looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me! *:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:- THIRD DEGREE: A blonde suspected her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she went out and bought a gun. She went to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opened the door she found him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opened her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She took the gun and put it to her head. The boyfriend yelled, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replied, "Shut up ... You're next!" ?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*: FOURTH DEGREE: A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend said, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy: W." `?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`? *: FIFTH DEGREE: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine? `*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*: SIXTH DEGREE: Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware " `?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*:-.,_,.-:*?`?*: SEVENTH DEGREE: Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."